A year of miles: In quotes

A year of miles!



"I tend to come to this point in life from time to time
and I always face the same dilemma. It is not the
darkness that scares me, actually that silent, dark
corner looks incredibly comfy and safe.

Especially compared to going out there, knowing nothin, taking a
step forward, transending your very being and as such,
becoming something greater.

An evolution of the soul."

"Don't be scared to want something and to grab it. Don't
care so much about the world around you, it will follow
or not. What matters is your own dreams and goals.
I forgot my greatness at some point.
I'm on an adventure to rekindle that flame, if you're on
that path is all up to you."

"I grew up with a christian mother and an atheist father.
So I got my share of both worlds suffice, to say I always
kind of liked the good parts that religion wants to bring
forward but I've always disliked misdirecting belief in
yourself to belive in something superficial. "


"But the plane trip home felt like it was going to kill
me. Four hours to get to Cancun, Mexico, but nine and a
half  hours to get back! This silenced my excitement for
a while until something stirred up inside of me.
A sense of destiny."


"The breeze

You are like the air I breathe, the inspiration for my soul
It is your essence from which my wind was summoned

Like the leaf I rustled your cape
You never left me on the ground

Never alone

 Like that gentle morning breeze you have blown me
blown me away with amazement

Like the leaf I am

I let the wind take me far and even further I got
But not always towards the known

Now the seed you planted
Has settled - and will grow "

"But we are wondrous machines made for great things and
great errors and I've come to always try to reserve
myself for the possebility of having cited or understood
something the wrong way. Or in some matters, being simply
misinformed or mislead. "


"I like my views like that, transcendant, always taking
new shapes. But is it not possible that you can "win" an
argument not by being correct but by being the one who
take a change of heart?
Surely that should feel just as good; but society, being
what it is has the gold, silver and bronze mentality
ingrained so heavily into our minds that equality has
deminished."

"In fuzzy logic there are calculations that do not give
exact answers. While a linear explosion would give us
predictable results an explosion made with fuzzy logic
would give us a "chance" result at the very most basic
level. Assuming everything started with an explosion of
course. This means that our path is not predestined
because we are the result of a random seed. And as long
as time is not recursive, free will most definitely
exists. "

"Then I abruptly disturb the pleasureable soundscape by
rapidly tapping out my mind onto the laptop keyboard. It
seems the only road tonight is to put my mind to rest
through the dance of my fingers.

In harmony the soundscape and the dance blend into what
can only be the very essence of my sleeplessness. An
idea."


"But what is Hexagonica? It is the beginning of a
universe. A story meant to portray a certain kind of
advent chaos that we really could never begin to
understand unless we extracted a chunk of it and present
it in chosen pieces. Reading the true "Hexagonica" story
would be the equivalent of trying to see a hypercube."


"The new me has some dark memories of things I'd rather
never had been a part of, but they are overwhelmed by the
adventure that was the relationship. In such a way I've
grown more mature and more secure in who I am.
I've learned to become a better planner, a man of more
responsibility. I've started to walk the path that I've
always felt inferior to archive.
That is a victory!"

"When your under the ice you can't always appriciate
everything on the outside. The world might seem bleak or
the seasons in your life might seem stuck on a dead and
cold winter.

But the moment you break free you realize all the beuty
and light that was right there, a bare inch from your
very being. It's even been touching you for a long time,
just.. you were simply not ready to embrace and act upon
it.

But I'm ready. I've been for a good while, just didn't
know.. didn't think I was fully entitled to this gift.
The greatest gift given by the greatest of friends. The
ability and freedom to reach and become anything I truly
set my mind to."

Signed, Mireneye

In a world of fantasy and dishes

Once upon a time there was a young boy. The young boy had an immensily powerful imagination, he had a vision and a fate that pulled at his very being.

Slowly as he has progressed through the ages, he has learned that to make imaginary things into a reality one has to work, no matter how powerful you are it all goes to a waste if you can not pass it along to others.

To share with the world, that which lingers inside.

It's like using a muscle that you've never used before.. Planning and keeping a shedule, I find a lot of the time it goes against one of the principles of fun.

But it doesn't have to be that way. For one such as myself who arguable is in control of his own destiny, I should be able to find joy in almost everything.

I know the how. But I just might need to get together with the right people, people who can give me a push now that it is needed the most.

These are things I need to do. For myself, for others.
*Need to resume writing Dynasthir, I've got the inspiration but I need some direction.
*Need to keep recording content for PlayjoyGaming and keep improving the quality.
*Need to start fleshing out one of the concept ideas for the new style poi/circus videos.
*Need to make sure Casa is looking as good as it can, got to get back to the essence of the "old days".

And before you tell me that as long as I see these as needs they will loose their sense of excitement and it will be difficult to find the urge to do them. Well I get this with poi a lot. Sometimes you have to just push through a barrier to get to the fun part. It's part of life. I need to do this to feel a sense of fulfillment from life.

I could even make a decent budget out of what I have saved at the moment.
The time should be now! but in the wake of all this I'm not feeling the pull of my destiny. Perhaps there is something that I'm missing?

Signed, Mireneye

Briefly conceptualized

Wild, untamed, outside of control like fire.
Yet adaptable, flowing like water.
The balance of chaos and logic within.

This is me.

The humanity, part one

This post will cover a lot of things that are on my mind at the moment. I will try to keep it all somewhat coherent for your reading pleasures.

Today I realized some things about myself. My friend was talking to me and while I wanted to be interested I just felt my attention dwindling and slowly I just could not focus neither remember a word of what he said.

At first I thought it was just my mind acting up all stupid not being able to keep up with what he was saying but after having given it some though I realized it is at least partially because of my ability or one could say lack of focus.

There is however an instance that happens to me every so often that I have yet been able to explain. It's a similar state in which I'm completely focused in the moment but days afterwards I seem to have forgotten almost all the content of that moment but the essence stays with me.

By the essence I mean what stays with me are things like the general emotion if it was fun, boring, exciting.

I have blamed myself hard for not remembering these things.. I can't even begin to tell you how frustrating it has been for me at times to somehow having phased out things that are SO important to others.

I'm calling it "phased out" because I have no idea what to call it.

But there is a cure. The cure is going through the conversations in my head afterwards and also writing things down. All hope is not lost. I'm getting by, unless I forget to do this, which happens. But the occasions have gotten fewer.

In the end I choose to focus a lot of energy on this issue because it has ended up being something that people find very important. And I agree.

With almost having wrapped up that topic for now let's connect some dots and then move on.
What I meant by these thing being similar is the phasing. But in one instance I'm seemingly totally focused in the other I'm barely able to keep focus at all.

I need a second opinion to analyze this. I really can not understand why this is by myself. I tried. This was just yet another definition that I have found about what is happening to me.

I do the same if I lay down in bed to watch stuff. I can phase out even if it's practically the most interesting show in the world. Let's call it super-selective narcolepsy, and no... I don't know the actual definition of the word.

That aside... let's move on to another issue.

I promised myself never to fear feeling or to fear that particular feelings might destroy something. I promised so that I could always be true to my feelings.

It's not always so easy. These days I feel much more fragile and a lot more thankful for the wonderful days I've had. Luck has always seemingly been on my side but my faith in said luck is beeing tested more now then ever. It's almost like a curse has befallen my family.

But I have stood strong, perhaps to long. Every day that passes I almost feel like I'm on the edge of crying, I never feel far away from it. Yet somehow I don't. There's a core fragment in my very being that keeps me stable.

But there are things to be happy about, the little light there is has a tendency to shine the brightest when it is needed the most. How convenient.

And it is within that speck of light that I relish my being.

It is here that I will find my strength again.