All those beutiful things

It's like being alive.
Finally.

Not only allowing myself to feel, but to become one with my
feelings.

      .-"-.     .-"-.     .-"-.     .-"-.     .-"-.     .-"-.
           "-.-"     "-.-"     "-.-"     "-.-"     "-.-"     "-.-"

My mind has struggled for a while, unknowingly looking for something. But as you may know, when you don't know what that "something" is.. you may not know how to reach it. How far you need to go or how deep you have to dive.

I've had to dive through death and tears. And tonight it all came together as I was watching the stars on my ceiling.

Every star I have represents someone dear to me, and there will be many. I'm still in the process of putting them up. 

As I go to bed I can feel secure as my stars are watching over me.

One represents my dear mother whom I not always made justice. Her core and not what her illness has made her will always be my guiding star. I'm so happy and proud to be her son, she is at heart the most humble and kind person. Words can hardly describe how much I love her.

One represents my dad. Without his lectures and his strength I would have not have learned what it is to truly live. The spirit of our family, when we set our mind to something we can archive anything, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says. He's my hero, together he and my mom made everything possible.

My ceiling is like my heart, and in my heart there is plenty of space. 

On that canvas full of stars are also my friends who shine the brightest.

I'm now not only allowing myself to feel, but to have become one with my
feelings.

And it feels amazing to finally cry, to love and to lust.

Signed, Peter Elvin