Confidence

Tonight I felt as I should review myself. I have a tendancy to think a lot about things that I would like to strife for in life, sometimes I forget what I have archived and what talents I'm confident with.

So here it is, a comprehensive list of things I judge myself to be good at. And a brief explanation of the history behind them to give some hindsight so that you may better understand where these talents emerged from.

Let's start with the most fundamental properties I have.

1, Patience:
I've always had patience and I honestly don't even know why. And when I mean patience, perhaps what I really mean is a complex blend of patience and focus. For I'm not patient waiting for the buss and I can't focus on highly complex tasks. No, no, not that kind.

My patience is the kind that can wait a long time to archive something, but not the kind that will wait for a buss forever without doing something. I will practically try to hold my breath to improve how long I can keep going without breathing just to pass time. As long as there is a clear goal I can be extreamly patient, but it has to be clear, diffusion really disturbs my focus which is the second part of my patience.

As long as the focus is strong enough and the goal clear enough I can become quite absorbed in practicality or in thought. I have a perfect example from when I was young, I was in school and I was trying to make an A4 paper stand vertically on it's short side. Which of course I was eventually succsessfull in doing, I even have an eye witness. My parents told me about another example in which I sat still, waiting for a fly to land close to me, and when he did I moved ever so carefully towards him until I could just grab him and take him out, my goal of course to leave him unharmed.

2, Calm personality:
And by calm I don't mean that I'm always chilling not running around, totally not, I love to run. I love to do random stuff. By that account I'm not calm.

What I mean is I dispise stressing. The moment I stress things just fall apart and as such I have developed a lifestyle in which I shy away from things that may prove to stressfull. Now at facevalue it may seem like a bad thing but allow me to explain.

Issues that can be directly attributed to stress on my part usually end badly. I loose control and also the ability to function in my usual creative way. The calm, relaxed personality I have allow me to be free, it allows me to be creative.

To be driven not by the pressure of society but the pressure of wanting personal progess is quite wonderfull.

3, Clockwork logic
I had to struggle a bit with the title of this trait. It's very integral to my being. Anyone who has known me for a long time probably knows this. They know that I will forget some things easily unless they tell me explicitly that it's important. I will drift off in thought or come to conclusions without ways to really convey how I ended up thinking the way I did. I will spend time to try to find my own way often finding ways that lead to correct results, only it took me several weeks longer to figure it out. And while my road to archive something might have been more efficient, it's probably not the most obvious. I see things.. but not always like others.

4, Understanding
I can understand if people talk about feelings, I can decipher people in a way, breaking them down into puzzle pieces. But most of all I know what to say when people are down, if they take the time to listen. Half of it is attributed to listening, yet most of you who know me also knows these things tend to leave my memory fairly quickly.

In any case, my detatchment from indulging to much in what others feel enabled my feelings to go somewhat uncolored. However whenever directed at me I absorb feelings normally.

In any case. My way of understanding gives me a unique social aspect, someone who many feel they can talk to whatever they have on their mind. Perhaps because I can detacth myself and look at things in a non-inclusive way or perhaps it's my my honesty. Which brings me to my next point.

5, Brutally honest
I used to just be honest, let me tell you that life doesn't work that well if you just depend on being honest. Sometimes not taking shortcuts to be nice is the right thing to do. But you can always be understanding and gentle in your approach of being brutal. That's all I have to say about it really.



Now that we have established some core properties that I think lie as a base to my talents, let's dive into some more practical talents, shant we?


1, Patience and focus paved the way for several things. The most practical ones being: contemporary circus and gaming. I would say I'm a really good Poi spinner. And I'm arguable quite good at some games.

2, I'm quite good at sex. I have to attribute this to a rare trait of mine called willpower. It's something I always wanted to be good at and I also take great joy in exploring it. I think ever encounter I've had with sex has taught me something of which I've applied the next time around. Sadly for a quite handsome, charming boy as myself I don't really indulge to much in sex. Why? I'm going to have to attribute this to my clockwork logic, I'm sure, had I been moore cookie cutter, cookie cutter girls would love me. But HEY! that's not who I am :P

3, Creativity. This is a difficult topic to cover and it covers a lot of things. It will most likely be the last in this list which has already gone on for far to long.

I don't think these is a single type of creative art that does not interest me at least slightly. Everything that involves painting. I'm interested in how sound and music is created. I'm interested in motion capture, 3d graphics, smithing or the shaping of diamonds. I'm interested in writing and acting as well as playing an instrument. I'm interested in building things and architecture(yet i dislike most math except the creative aspect of it, finding mathemathical solutions to your own problems is a lot of fun). I would even be interested in becoming a voice actor. This is the width and breadth of what interests me. This and so much more!

This is also exactly why my focus is so important. Without it I would be completely lost wanting to do everything at once. Right now I'm stuck between performing with poi and making 3d graphics and taking care of a gaming related channel on youtube. This comes with a rather large set of subgoals etc, too many to name here.

If I had to give myself a composite title of the things I do it would be something along the lines of:
3d artist, actor, hardcore gamer, let's player in training and poi artist extraordinairé with a knack for writing.

I think I can say with confidence that I have a lot of interesting qualities and while I largely enjoy where I'm in life, I'm conident I will keep moving forward developing new skills along the way. Than you for your time!

Signed, Mireneye

A powerful moment (Demon's Soul's spoilers)

"Leave us, slayer of Demons.

This is a sanctuary for the lost and wretched.

There is nothing here for you to pillage or plunder.

Please, leave quietly."

For me this is one of the most memorable moments in Demon's Soul's. Let me paint the setting for you.

---

As you emerge from the fog you stand deep down in a pit of dispair. Several dirtbrown plagued waterfalls collect in an almost crimson pool. A pool which can be seen just a few meters from a ledge close to whence you came from. 
 

To your right in close vicinity you are made witness to wretched and twisted humanoids seemingly praying for no apparent reason, perhaps praying for salvation?

In the pool below, plagued babies crawl around in the almost mud like liquid. On the far end of the chasm, a fair dressed maiden lies upon a plateu with a knight clad in heavy armour at her side. She beckons him.

"Go forth, Garl Vinland.
May you be unharmed." 

Garl arms himself with his large bludgeon weapon and begins to make a slow looming approach towards you, walking on a slope on the left hand side.

As you stand there, trying to grasp the moment, you know in your heart you came here to end their lives but for what exactly?

---

And if that isn't powerful enough, depending on who you kill first, the other will want to be by their side and as such will commit suicide.

This moment in Souls games are perhaps equalled only to one other moment. These games tempt at our deepest emotions without needing to shove stories in our faces. Let them be a testament to great and deep storytelling. A forgotten art among RPGs

Signed, Mireneye

Far reach of the soul

I think a lot of us have wondered about life and especially how we ended up where we are today. How such amazing complexity can bring about such intricate and wonderful experiences is rather quite baffling.

Additionally a lot of us have pondered openly unjudged by sceptics wether our paths through life are pre-determined or not. I know I have. There's even some really solid quantum physics that proves that free will exists (if a thing such as solid quantum physics really do exist) more than being a manifestation of our search to understand.

In a way that's a universal truth for most of humanity. A lot of our answers are simply that, manifestations of truth.

I'm here to offer an alternative that dawned upon me last week.

I was just casually scouring the vast reaches of the internet, commenting on a profound piece of sentiment I found on a very well known social site:

"There is still that part of me, hidden very far away, that wonders what life would be like if I hadn't stayed in SFO, and had gone back to Sacramento, or never left in the first place.

Then I realized that none of this would be, and all of this is me."

This got my neurons all types of fired up.

I have oft believed that If it wasn't for some specific events in my life I would not have been where I am today. But today I'm less certain this is true. I think, maybe my being would still have found similar ground, would still have threaded similar pathways.

And I can somewhat see the possibility that life is a hybrid between a predetermined base and many different iterations along similar paths all beginning at the base.

If we stop to talk about the physicality of things, further questions arise, like:
Is staying really so different from moving? Relativity and space...

How far does a "soul" need to travel from the base to loose all of it's original being? I think you will find yourself answering something along the line of "probably very long".

If that rings true in any form to you, then I rest my case.


But how about an example to explore two different iterations. For simplicity we have one path leading to poverty and one leading to riches.

Some would say these properties would make a world of difference, but in the end this difference is incredibly small. Their worth is a manifestation of our truth, the currency weight so little and all of it is part of this planet. It's just matter changing forms. So while this might be a huge change for you, to everything it is small... unimportant.

I'm on the verge of making this sound like something bad. On the contarary! some would argue, the less important it is to the universe the more important it is to you. Case in point, arguably a rockstar is more to the universe(again a construct by us) but not as important as your best friends.

In the end this is left in the hands of what personal values you have. For instance, to some everything else will be important... I'm just making an example.

My mind is screaming at me at this point that I have to reinforce that we are also part of the universe and it is a part of us. Something I entierly agree with.

But I have to bring things on a personal level to be able to make examples we can relate to. I would ask you to try to apply this logic on higher concepts yourself, but I think it might give just about anyone a hard time. I know I struggled to explain all this.

So there you have it, an example of how even a fairly large personal change doesn't really change that much. It's a construct. Things change but...

The far reach of the soul travels not much longer from it's origin than an apple falling from it's tree.