Dedicated to Zion

A few months ago I started to seriously hang out with someone. Someone I actually never thought I'd be close to but somebody who I most definietly was interested in really getting to know.

Attraction as it were had other things in mind.

To say "it began" would be to neglect the entire history. But there's two outstanding moments to me that really started to cement this feeling.

One was sharing a movie(Many months prior) maybe I'll talk about that moment some other time, one was meeting at Hamnmagasinet randomly where we decided to hang out later that week.

I was visiting Umeå as by that time I used to live in Malmö so I was kind of on a short rope.
But we setup a day. And I was super excited.

When we met at her home, I think it's after that evening I started to sense a tingling sensation in me.

In any case.

Things went unexpectedly smooth. Next thing I know I was overcome by these profound feelings. Made aware of their prescence.

And now a few months down the line, I'm really enjoying our company. We laugh and have a lot of random fun. Dance, hug, stare into each others eyes for the longest of times and simply get a bit lost in each others company.

And today, it's her birthday. In the middle of a beutiful autumn.

While I personally don't care much for ages. The subject has become quite arcane to me. But to society there's something big going on. It's like suddenly growing an extra limb. The world opens up before you.

And so I wish to celebrate by saying:

I love this person, dare I say with passion.

"I'm in love, with the world at my feet and one foot too deep"

By that I mean to say that I'm head over heels. It's like I'm in a deep trance. You say you don't need drugs because you are drugs. And on this acid trip of awesome that you are on you've brought a passanger.

Me.

I want for you the best of days because you know what? I like you and I think you should have the best.

So today my gift to you is not a thing, it's not physical. But mental, it is more a tribute to all the awesome things we have shared so far and all the awesome things ahead.

I give to you a star. But not the kind you can see in the sky. Neither on the ceiling of my apartment.
I give you a star, It's a place that go beyond meaning and reason. It's a place for special and precious things. This star is a shared space. Whenever you want you can go there to meet me, I'll be there. I'll visit it sometimes to plant new seeds in our intergalactic garden, maybe I'll bring some garlic bread and Mojo Verde. Maybe I'll bring peace of mind.

I give you a star. Because you've become one to me.

-Mireneye

Sometimes I'm afraid

There's a great weakness inside of me. A fear deeply rooted.

It's not so much a fear of loosing something, it's not the fear of not being able to deal with life on my own.

It's the fear of making the same mistake. Over and over. The fear of not learning, the fear of ending up years down the road without having learnt a lesson or two.

It's a very real fear. I feel it gnawing inside of me when I'm at my worst. When doubt take hold of me and when whatever otherwise comforting thought runs off my body like water.

It's the fear of that dark twisted spiral in which I don't know if I'm strong enough to look at, let alone battle.

What can be done? It's one of the few things in life that has me shaken to my core. I'm afraid that even if I'm stronger now, It's not enough because it will always be there in the background. Unless I face it headfirst and defeat it.

If there's a silverlining to this post then it's in these words:

I'm here, I'm writing, I'm screaming inside. I feel silly I feel stupid. But one thing is certain. I have not given up. Giving up is something I was never good at to begin with. So there's only one way to go. I just hope I can soothe my passing somehow as I continue to tackle my inner demon.

Signed, Mireneye