Sometimes I wonder where am "I". I mean, me. What do I want, where do I want to go, is it necessary to go.. anywhere? Is it beneficial for me to want? Is the adventure more of a curse of unknown questionmarks?
Sometimes I feel hollow. Like I start to shutdown emotionally because situations around me start to feel empty by themselves. It might be sudden changes that can go from intense moments to almost eerily vacous. Within that space I find insecurity within myself and I start to ponder if it's me, if I'm the problem. And then I think.. Maybe I need to just let go, disappear.
Return to slumber...
Perish the thought! Return to slumber to me is synonomous with locking myself away behind an emotional barrier. To protect myself so I can fully devote all my time to the things at the base of my being.
But no. I've made peace with facing what eats away at my being. I've made a pact with myself that I should no longer shy away from my feelings. To shy away from who I am. Because the base of my being has become so much more. I trick myself believing that I can find solace in simplicity. I need to remember that..
I'm an artist, I feel, I'm creative, I build. I'm loving, I love.
And I do so, so strongly that sometimes when the hollowness strike I too am covered in darkness instead of light. Where I want to stand strong, I find no strength. It's times like these I seek to others, friends, family, close ones. I might need a tiny something to build from. Hope is something incredibly small that we all can share.
I hope somebody will reach out to me in no specific manner someday and just tell me "You did good". Because damn you all! I did do good. At least that is what I believe.
It's the tiniest things that does it for me. Appreciation, hope, or simply reminding me of who I am. I'm Mireneye, and if I'm ever in doubt remind me that the universe is on my side. This will give me enough courage and energy to start working with myself and get back to my usual rhythm of life.
Signed, Mireneye
fredag 23 oktober 2015
onsdag 21 oktober 2015
Dynasthir - A study on the nature of life
Trinity of life
Through the emerging knowledge of different practical fields of study within the Law of Chroma, Forging and Aomancy, desciples of the Torgate academy has began mapping out what is collectively known as the Essence of life.
One of the popular visual representations of life is that of a triangle. Each corner covering one of it's important aspects. The empty space between is believed to be very thin membranes, closely packed together. Their hierarchy and structure in how they tie together the cornerstones is vital to the corporeal and incorporeal form of the life they produce.
What seperates life from inanimate objetcs is the conscience which is formed from a higher number of membranes. Since counting the membranes with current avaliable tools privide difficult the density of a shard of Essence can be observed instead to provide a means of mesurement.
The cornerstones are all just as important but they come in sequence.
First there is matter, which is the realm of the Forging. In extreme situations matter can be constrained together. The physical and none physical facets of the membranes are then soldered together with an artificial force, Commonly used material to induce such a force include but are not limited to Skelathiné & Mytheriné. This process is considered illegal since it was banned after vile abuse during the Chaos war.
The Law of Chroma is tightly knit together with that of the Forging. It governs the innate arcane power of color. A physical item may still portray vibrant colors however the effect the color actually has on it's percievers is governed by the quality of the membranes. Like a muscle this Law has to be practiced to not wither. The simple fact that a lot of this cornerstone has fallen into obsurity in the later years of Dynasthirs history is enough for it to loose a lot of it's presence.
If the Forging and Law of Chroma are the building blocks of the physical aspect then Aomancy is the process projecting consciousness into life. An Aura, as you would call it lingers within all of the Essence Shards of life. An Essence Shard is a concept that does not deal in size but in potency.
The potency is a direct connection to the primal energies of which Ancients harnessed in order to grow to power.
To harness these energies, one must drop deeply in the ocean of the self in order to project the Aura outwards. It's an extension of life and conciousness, The knowledge of the holistic nature of the Shard needs to come as an innate reaction. Often this is triggered by a lack of emotion and emptiness. To be whole one must first be void.
An Aura can be vizualized by imagining certain membranes oscillating. And like striking a chord on a piano, notes octaves higher and lower vibrate along with it. Depending on the nature of the membrane the effect this has on the immediate vicinity might vary greatly.
The stream of thoughts as a result of interaction with the material world induce massive discord, introducing unnatural oscillations. This is why letting go is the first step to becoming whole. Aomancy is the art of diving into yourself so deeply that you cease existance for but a brief moment of time in order to reorder the weavelengths your consciousness operate on.
Essence
To the naked eye the Essence appears and acts very much like blood. It is necessary for all but Miasmic life to be sustained.
Nightmare
To understand Nightmares you must first understand that dreams are the result of the Aura. During sleep the Aura reach into Ailie, the Dreamer, Normally your Nightmares are self contained within your physical body. Rarely in the case of potent Aomancers or Ancients their Aura will go wild, while awake or during sleep. This produce what is called a Nightmare. It's a frame of existance temporarily drawing people into a form of Shard that exist primarily within your mind. The physical properties of the Shard are then all created by Sanyana catching the dream in the web of Ailie. It's theorized that Nightmare Shards might have a physical location somewhere in the sea of Miasma but nobody has ever found one. Shades are residents of Nightmares and can come in many shapes and forms. It's widely believed they are not actually native to the Nightmare but are rather attracted to the energies and are actually Miasmic beings.
Dark Chroma
Dark Chroma is the result of membranes wearing out completely. When a membrane breaks the Chroma pours onto the Essence. This is normally not an issue if it's just one or two colors. It just means those colors become unavaliable until and if new membrane forms. Rarely all the colors blend but when they do they produce an entierly Dark Essence. The Dark Essence then procedes much like a parasite, taking over the entire lifeform and tainting all of the remaining membranes. The process is irreversible and eventually will bring the inflicted to death.
Miasma
At it's most basic state the Miasma are singular enteties covering the majority of known space. This is called a Primeval. At seemingly random intervals the Great Shade emit a pulse that touch all Miasma not behind a protective Aura of some sort. This cause Miasma to clump together. These are called Clusters. When visible the Clusters look like mist. At this point the Miasma can form a hierarchy of Clusters and undergo what is called Transpiration. Miasma may then form simple life and develop a very rudimentary Aura completing the Triangle of life and fullfilling the requirement for conciousness. The resulting life form can then be ordered in classes, depending on their Miasmic potency. At a very high potency Miasma cease to act as an entity on it's own and become one with the Law of Entropy which is a direct result of the Great Shade.
The coloring of Miasma is directly tied to the Law of Chroma and the type can almost always be deduced from it.
Law of Entropy
The idea behind the Law of Entropy was first concieved during the high days of the Endukin empire, Ars Magnor witnessed the Shard tearing Miasma slowly tearing at the edges of reality. While observing he made the following assessment.
The Miasma itself and the source, being the Great Shade is not conscious itself. It is a force of nature. It may produce Life but is not part of Life itself. Miasma that undergo Transpiration gain a conscious that is an extension of the Great Shade but is not bound by it but gravitate towards it.
What then is Entropy? Entropy is defined as the influence of the Great Shade on the stable Shards. The influence tears at both the physical and the immaterial, slowly unravelling the fabric that enable life to form.
Phasing
The Nekath, descendants of the Ancient Lévakir has the innate but dormant ability to break down to a self maintained Cluster enable them to pass through Miasma unscathed, this is called Phasing. When Lévakir brought the Nekath to life it did not base them around Essence, but around Miasma. To counteract the chaotic nature Lévakir constrained the Nekath to colors unlike those fashioned by Demon kind. And as such the Nekath could prosper on Dynasthir in relative peace with the other races.
*In theory raising the number of membranes within an object may grant it conscience.
Through the emerging knowledge of different practical fields of study within the Law of Chroma, Forging and Aomancy, desciples of the Torgate academy has began mapping out what is collectively known as the Essence of life.
One of the popular visual representations of life is that of a triangle. Each corner covering one of it's important aspects. The empty space between is believed to be very thin membranes, closely packed together. Their hierarchy and structure in how they tie together the cornerstones is vital to the corporeal and incorporeal form of the life they produce.
What seperates life from inanimate objetcs is the conscience which is formed from a higher number of membranes. Since counting the membranes with current avaliable tools privide difficult the density of a shard of Essence can be observed instead to provide a means of mesurement.
The cornerstones are all just as important but they come in sequence.
First there is matter, which is the realm of the Forging. In extreme situations matter can be constrained together. The physical and none physical facets of the membranes are then soldered together with an artificial force, Commonly used material to induce such a force include but are not limited to Skelathiné & Mytheriné. This process is considered illegal since it was banned after vile abuse during the Chaos war.
The Law of Chroma is tightly knit together with that of the Forging. It governs the innate arcane power of color. A physical item may still portray vibrant colors however the effect the color actually has on it's percievers is governed by the quality of the membranes. Like a muscle this Law has to be practiced to not wither. The simple fact that a lot of this cornerstone has fallen into obsurity in the later years of Dynasthirs history is enough for it to loose a lot of it's presence.
If the Forging and Law of Chroma are the building blocks of the physical aspect then Aomancy is the process projecting consciousness into life. An Aura, as you would call it lingers within all of the Essence Shards of life. An Essence Shard is a concept that does not deal in size but in potency.
The potency is a direct connection to the primal energies of which Ancients harnessed in order to grow to power.
To harness these energies, one must drop deeply in the ocean of the self in order to project the Aura outwards. It's an extension of life and conciousness, The knowledge of the holistic nature of the Shard needs to come as an innate reaction. Often this is triggered by a lack of emotion and emptiness. To be whole one must first be void.
An Aura can be vizualized by imagining certain membranes oscillating. And like striking a chord on a piano, notes octaves higher and lower vibrate along with it. Depending on the nature of the membrane the effect this has on the immediate vicinity might vary greatly.
The stream of thoughts as a result of interaction with the material world induce massive discord, introducing unnatural oscillations. This is why letting go is the first step to becoming whole. Aomancy is the art of diving into yourself so deeply that you cease existance for but a brief moment of time in order to reorder the weavelengths your consciousness operate on.
Essence
To the naked eye the Essence appears and acts very much like blood. It is necessary for all but Miasmic life to be sustained.
Nightmare
To understand Nightmares you must first understand that dreams are the result of the Aura. During sleep the Aura reach into Ailie, the Dreamer, Normally your Nightmares are self contained within your physical body. Rarely in the case of potent Aomancers or Ancients their Aura will go wild, while awake or during sleep. This produce what is called a Nightmare. It's a frame of existance temporarily drawing people into a form of Shard that exist primarily within your mind. The physical properties of the Shard are then all created by Sanyana catching the dream in the web of Ailie. It's theorized that Nightmare Shards might have a physical location somewhere in the sea of Miasma but nobody has ever found one. Shades are residents of Nightmares and can come in many shapes and forms. It's widely believed they are not actually native to the Nightmare but are rather attracted to the energies and are actually Miasmic beings.
Dark Chroma
Dark Chroma is the result of membranes wearing out completely. When a membrane breaks the Chroma pours onto the Essence. This is normally not an issue if it's just one or two colors. It just means those colors become unavaliable until and if new membrane forms. Rarely all the colors blend but when they do they produce an entierly Dark Essence. The Dark Essence then procedes much like a parasite, taking over the entire lifeform and tainting all of the remaining membranes. The process is irreversible and eventually will bring the inflicted to death.
Miasma
At it's most basic state the Miasma are singular enteties covering the majority of known space. This is called a Primeval. At seemingly random intervals the Great Shade emit a pulse that touch all Miasma not behind a protective Aura of some sort. This cause Miasma to clump together. These are called Clusters. When visible the Clusters look like mist. At this point the Miasma can form a hierarchy of Clusters and undergo what is called Transpiration. Miasma may then form simple life and develop a very rudimentary Aura completing the Triangle of life and fullfilling the requirement for conciousness. The resulting life form can then be ordered in classes, depending on their Miasmic potency. At a very high potency Miasma cease to act as an entity on it's own and become one with the Law of Entropy which is a direct result of the Great Shade.
The coloring of Miasma is directly tied to the Law of Chroma and the type can almost always be deduced from it.
Law of Entropy
The idea behind the Law of Entropy was first concieved during the high days of the Endukin empire, Ars Magnor witnessed the Shard tearing Miasma slowly tearing at the edges of reality. While observing he made the following assessment.
The Miasma itself and the source, being the Great Shade is not conscious itself. It is a force of nature. It may produce Life but is not part of Life itself. Miasma that undergo Transpiration gain a conscious that is an extension of the Great Shade but is not bound by it but gravitate towards it.
What then is Entropy? Entropy is defined as the influence of the Great Shade on the stable Shards. The influence tears at both the physical and the immaterial, slowly unravelling the fabric that enable life to form.
Phasing
The Nekath, descendants of the Ancient Lévakir has the innate but dormant ability to break down to a self maintained Cluster enable them to pass through Miasma unscathed, this is called Phasing. When Lévakir brought the Nekath to life it did not base them around Essence, but around Miasma. To counteract the chaotic nature Lévakir constrained the Nekath to colors unlike those fashioned by Demon kind. And as such the Nekath could prosper on Dynasthir in relative peace with the other races.
*In theory raising the number of membranes within an object may grant it conscience.
måndag 19 oktober 2015
A broken art
A broken art
Josh hadn't come home that night. The rooftop apartment was lonely and silent, only a vague humming too easily passed on as white noise could be heard.
And here I was, soloing in the couch, browsing for new toys to add to my collection on a brand new Ipad I borrowed off school.
With another tab I check the social media and the almost obligatory dating app. A picture of me was on display.
Claire Kelly
In the picture I'm close to six feet tall, I've got long jet-black raven hair. And within the bosom of night my eyes look almost green as they bounce off the moonlight.
The picture was taken on a summer vacation in Venice. On a moonlit night with life running through our veins.
And by "our" I mean Josh and I. We used to be so close. That was before all this.
Two years ago we met at a club called the Dark Desire. An old friend of mine, Juniper invited me over. It was a masquerade of sorts. Everyone was clad in costumes and feathered masks. Juniper made a point of creating a bit of an alter ego. A character.
It was the first time I would use the moniker Vanessa Lionheart, but certainly not the last.
My costume to which Juniper had meticulously helped me assemble was a work of art. I didn't quite perfectly match the lines like all those commercials on television, but her craftsmanship really brought out a voluptuous aspect to my body I didn't even know I had.
It' made me feel slightly uncomfortable but very, very sexy.
The location of the club changed every now and then. And invitations were only by word of mouth. I felt like I was walking straight into the mansion in Eyes Wide Shut. If you have not seen the movie all you really need to know is that under the innocent facade of the name and the masquerade; there are things going on, things the outer world is better off not knowing about.
Things I was eager to get down and dirty with.
The white marble entrance was lit from the side and under, almost giving the archway with the open door an angelic appearance. If it wasn't for the little she-devils in the outer garden having a wild and bloody threesome it looked like heaven.
But I knew right from the start that heaven was not for me. I knew deep inside of me that I belong here with the dark and the twisted. Yet I hesitated. Juniper was long gone already inside somewhere and like an automaton I just passed right by temptations playground.
In my sudden state of confusion I heard a voice approaching from behind. A deep, raspy voice.
"Are you alone miss?"
"No I'm trying to find a friend of mine." I said as I turned around.
Suddenly two hands grab a hold of mine. And I'm met with the voice once again.
"You've found him." to which my response was an evasive motion I had picked up from an old military acquaintance. And then a well placed punch to the chin. "Don't touch me, if you ever touch me again I will defenestrate you!" I had meant to say castrate but thought it too vulgar. Call it a reflex. The guy had one of those simple yet elegant upper half, face masks. Leaving a pair of beautiful lips bloodied red and a curious but well rounded nose, he was dressed sharply not that it served him any good now. He fell on his back seemingly surprised. I added. "And should you ever talk to me again, you address me as Miss Lionheart, understood?"
The night still had a freshness to it. Like a fancy candy, Juniper was nice enough to join me moments later to unpack the evening in such a fashion.
"What's this?" She exclaimed when she saw the man slowly getting to his feet.
Before I could talk the man waved his right hand dismissively. "This.. Is nothing."
I looked at Juniper with the kind of eyes only a best friend can read.
"You tried to force yourself onto her you creep! I'll report you!" Juniper always showed such strength of character, but I was nothing less. "We will." I said reaffirmingly. "This can't go unpunished now can it?". The man made it to his feet.
"Don't report me, I meant no harm. I thought...", I Interrupted "Thought what? That you can just have at it all you like with anyone in here? Who do you think you are.. some kind of wannabe Christian Grey? the likes of you don't belong here."
"I thought you were someone else."
"That's a shallow excuse, where in the world..." He interrupted. "Behind you Miss Lionheart." I looked and there she was. almost a carbon copy of me. She could play my double any day. And then she opened her mouth.
While I carry my voice with a certain authority and respect, her voice was more like a stereotypical screamy teenager. "Ben!" She exclaimed, "Been looking all over for you, come here darling". Her clothes were similar to mine, but she was also clad in a complementary leather harness.
söndag 4 oktober 2015
Argumentative paradigms
There seems to be two very strong paradigms that dominate arguments. One is the person who look at the big picture to him it matters what reprecussions something has in the long run. This person often find himself clashing with the other type who accept and doesn't categorize but rather think of things as being their own unique enteties.
I would love if I could be the second person. I like to take things at face value I don't want to have to think of the long term effects. alas I also can't unsee things.
This is really only a problem because society at large is made out of patterns. If we see someone being sucsessfull there is going to be be people who assume similar roles to reconstruct these patterns.
On the flipside there are moments when it's positive to look at things as their own enteties and not categorize or copy the pattern. This is a very free creative area. A person who thinks this way choose to see tiny neuances that change the nature of the subject. Hence they are often timees more adapt at analyzing the subjects unique properties. Something that the "big picture" approach sometimes lack.
On the other hand. The big picture approach will honor the interconnected nature of society. If we look at a puzzle. They act as the one piecing it together. While the others kind of get a bit too wrapped up in looking at each inidvidual piece which might seem ignorant to the outside.
Rarely do they mean to be ignorant, they may not even be misinformed. The core of this lies in how we process and sort information.
I said earlier that there are things I can't deny. Connections I can't unmake because I have this innate knowledge of cause and effect.
But at the same time I can also see how a lot of cause and effect like in physics is quite diminishing. We don't need to connect everything. We don't need to draw hard lines and borders. We don't need to set our foot down.
What we need is majority. If we think something is wrong we need to turn the tides. But to do so It's unwise to approach the world without understanding this concept which has become a cause for soo many arguments.
From now on I welcome both paths into my life. The freedom and realization that what we need is the majority of the puzzle in place, but relish in the fact that there is a acceptance for all those loose pieces and that they don't have to fit in.
Signed, Mireneye
I would love if I could be the second person. I like to take things at face value I don't want to have to think of the long term effects. alas I also can't unsee things.
This is really only a problem because society at large is made out of patterns. If we see someone being sucsessfull there is going to be be people who assume similar roles to reconstruct these patterns.
On the flipside there are moments when it's positive to look at things as their own enteties and not categorize or copy the pattern. This is a very free creative area. A person who thinks this way choose to see tiny neuances that change the nature of the subject. Hence they are often timees more adapt at analyzing the subjects unique properties. Something that the "big picture" approach sometimes lack.
On the other hand. The big picture approach will honor the interconnected nature of society. If we look at a puzzle. They act as the one piecing it together. While the others kind of get a bit too wrapped up in looking at each inidvidual piece which might seem ignorant to the outside.
Rarely do they mean to be ignorant, they may not even be misinformed. The core of this lies in how we process and sort information.
I said earlier that there are things I can't deny. Connections I can't unmake because I have this innate knowledge of cause and effect.
But at the same time I can also see how a lot of cause and effect like in physics is quite diminishing. We don't need to connect everything. We don't need to draw hard lines and borders. We don't need to set our foot down.
What we need is majority. If we think something is wrong we need to turn the tides. But to do so It's unwise to approach the world without understanding this concept which has become a cause for soo many arguments.
From now on I welcome both paths into my life. The freedom and realization that what we need is the majority of the puzzle in place, but relish in the fact that there is a acceptance for all those loose pieces and that they don't have to fit in.
Signed, Mireneye
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