I just feel...

I just feel as if so much is expected of me on so many levels. I'm expected to be a friend, a teacher. I'm expected to be nice and happy because that is the way I always am. Always the optemist.

I'm expected to pay my bills, do the paperwork, look for jobs and keep up a good smile.

I expect of myself to keep giving because that is that is my path. I expect of myself to be creative, be open, be adventurous.

I expect I can take criticism. And that I can turn it into something productive.

And in all this I'm ALSO expected to plan together a flipping birthday for myself. Bleh...

I expect things to be the same, once something is steady, established and strong.. I just want it to be there, so that I too may feel that there is something there for me as well.

But I do also expect change. But not like this. I don't want to be here, I want to be in a productive space, some place where I can have some god damn peace of mind and a breather.

This too shall fall before me and I will conquer my weakness. I'm hanging on the edge extending my hand upwards, I jsut need the strength to pull myself up.

Signed, Mireneye