Transcend through co-existence

When I had nothing to give but myself only then did I find an incredible force to evolve, to repurpose who I am.

By deepening the understanding of my drives and the drives of those close to me, I've grown closer to everything. 

To say that friends and love and intimacy changes me is to undervalue what is actually going on. What is going on is not about change or the will to change. But an interaction of co-existance. It's like I'm shaping myself by allowing myself to be fully integrated with the people around me.

It's about rediscovering memories I never had. 

See every time we look back at ourselves and our adventure we can choose in what light we percieve. And through our minds eye we reshape the past.

The past is like a reflection of our now. It's affecting our core values and beliefs at every step we take. Because every step we leave behind is just that.

A memory.

A memory left in the earth where we walk. A memory left in the wind which graced our skin. A memory that will never be the same again.

That's how frail things are. But that is also the beauty of it. That is a maelstrom from which we derive conclusive evidence of who we are and what we are here to do.

Recently I've been in the company of people who make me truly transcend. People who have shared with me so many memories that otherwise would never have been mine.

This is me leaving a memory for them to say that I love you. 

Being homeless is the best thing in the world, & here is why!

For someone like me, it's been quite a journey going from somebody with a lot of security to somebody with bar none. But it's the best thing in the world and I'll tell you why.

One reason is my newfound appreciation of life.

From appreciating the helping hands of family and friends to something as simple as appreciating the smile of a stranger. Or wind rustling leaves, leaving me smiling in a storm of dust.

I learnt to fully appreciate that a good life doesn't need a lot of things. As long as you have good friends and family.

Allow me to clarify. I mean no disrespect to people who are genuinely homeless. Those I have the greatest respect for, especially now that I've gone through an episode in life of loosing track of everything, money, home & job. I can only hope these people have their own ways to find solace.

The second reason is humbling.

When I fell from my peak in life, only then did I realize how hard it can be to ask for help. I didn't find help in abundance, but somehow I made it out. I've come out humble and thankful. This is truly a testament to the quote form the japanese movie Casshern that "Existence is to be shared" and that "We are not here to simply exist, but to find the strength to co-exist". I just happen to be on the other end of the spectrum. I'm the recieving end. A very unusual place having basically grown up living on the giving end.

Which brings me to my next reason.

Realizing that giving never stops. If you have nothing you can simply give of yourself. And that my friends is perhaps the most profound and pure way to give. Offering to help with services, offering your piece of mind. Sharing emotive experiences with people.

I grew closer to A LOT of people, in part because suddenly all I had to give... was myself.

And I have rarely if ever been so happy, never before has the common quote "Less is more" rung more true.

Last but all important.

Starting out at zero with my own life has given me a lot of time to reinvent myself. Who do I want to be within a year or two? which people do I want in my life and so on and so fourth.

The amount of freedom I have at the moment is insane. I can practically wake up to a situation in such utter chaos that anything I want to become is at my doorstep. I just need to reach into the furthest crevice baring the manifestation I crave and take a hold of it and nurture it with holistic intent.

I am.

And I aim to become so much more.

Join me on the next journey. I'm sure it will be marvelous!

Signed, Mireneye

Reap and sow, love is bountiful

How silly are we to use all resources but the ones of which there are infinite? How silly are we to confine ourselves to only one person? How is it that in our society today we have made ourselves ridden with guilt for trying and failing to conform. As if being on a tight leash with society at the reins.

It's time we changed our reasoning to adapt a more dynamic view on life. The old model is built on prehistoric survival. Today society plays a large role in perpetuating monogamous relationships through all of our ingrown habits, rituals and media influence.

So I ask why not treat every new encounter equally, meet and build unique connections. Sexual or not.

It doesn't matter how it ends up.

Just listen to the world, agree with your desires and respect your kindred.

Reap and sow, love is bountiful.

-Mireneye on Relationship Anarchism

All of me

Allow me the pleasure to get a bit visceral.

Sometimes life decides to fuck you up the anal tract with a rusty old chipped steel pipe. And what do we do?

We show life that this ain't no prison, there's rules, etiquette, morals and a little something called humanity.

Now let me tell you about the latter.

Humanity is the smile you give a stranger. It's the pop of an all to apparent social bubble when approaching people. It is the feeling of belonging somewhere. It's saving worms from drowning in the rain. It's you and me, respecting each other fully.

No matter who you are. As long as you accept others.

Today I was rejected from life. Uprooted from my safe haven. Torn from a world relatively safe. Like a damaged cell, I'm trying to heal by going back to a safe state.

Knowing my past will bare one more scar.

I moved to the south in part because I met some of the most inspirational people I've ever met. Brave to live for what they believed in, beautiful in the way they create and excite.

I also moved because I have a desire to adventure and to at times throw myself into the unknown and let the world open up before me.

The issue at hand is a clash of two worlds. Even when I try my best, some people just have standards that just won't work with me. And I'm sorry I don't fit in their snug perfect box, no, wait; actually fuck their box with a cheese grater! I thought I could trust these super people. But it turns out once they break, they l loose part of their humanity. And the only thing they see is a mirror image of me, me, me. Unable to respect others efforts and good will.

I learned many lessons these six months. How to build walls, handle cement, how society treats people who strife to live of their arts, both on streets and from government branches.I also picked up a bunch of baby sitting skills, many clever everyday sentiments and I even picked up some cooking knowledge. I learned how there is a whole other world of people I think I do best to avoid living with.

Sometimes I feel like the only sane person. Yet I guess you'd think me insane for throwing away work, apartment and leaving friends behind to try live in this box. You have to understand, I was dead on the inside. Work was so close to breaking me. As my family was being torn apart (work related) and I had all but lost my muse. So I did what I always do, I try to find a way. And until a few days ago I believed I was slowly getting there. That I had hit rock bottom. A new slate. But life surprised me by kicking me further down. I really didn't think I'd be homeless, jobless and money less all at the same time. At least I'm not witless.

And I have beautiful friends and family with no real obligation who's ready to help out just because that is the way they are.

But allow me a moments fairness. I've had food on the table and roof above my head. I've tried to do what's in my power to help out. I'm sad that it wasn't enough because deep down I believed in this and wanted to help and be a part of it. Apparently I was not good enough to them even if I tried my best trying to hold onto all of the things I had in my head. Looking up how to start my own company, failed because it really bites you in the ass if you want to get a base income from Alfakassan. Looking for work was problematic and there was paperwork in abundance. I even started to brave the streets to try to earn back some money so I could more easily sustain my own living, that also proved a huge learning experience, and during my recent trip north, I even started to write a manuscript and plan for my stage show. In between I've kept up with work on my game, my writing. Tried to make Playjoy work but really couldn't. This may seem a story of many failed things and it is, but some of them were slowly falling into place. They.. I needed time. Time I would have had, had I listened to my own reasoning. But remember I was craving change in life.

That's maybe half that was going on. The other half was winter and trying to get on track with renovations on the house. Or taking care of it in the absence of its owners. But eeh, I don't really like to count favors but I feel I have to set an example.

I don't want to antagonize these people, I just want them to know I feel they don't understand me at all. And I guess at the end of the day I don't understand them.

I don't know how lowly I'd have felt If I ever had to tell someone without social and economical security to just vanish in a day. I'm not just a ragdoll to be kicked around.

They have said to care for me and their family.

Yet all this talk about caring for family is now but a cold, calculated shield to hide behind. It's comfortable to have someone to blame, isn't it?

Either way...

It's ungrateful to not at least help a visitor on his way out. But I'm not getting that either it seems.

And so I'm burdened to ask monumental favors from other family and friends.. And for what exactly?

But from this grave I'll forge a life to outshine the northern star.

Watch me shine.

And let my stars shine with me. You know who you are.

Signed, Mireneye

Phone blogging test

Trying out different apps to blog with. This one seems neat! Simple, effective. And works well with Swype. Look forward to more posts now that I can write easy on the go =)

posted from Bloggeroid

The greatest stories & why - Games #01

Demon's Souls & Dark Souls 1:
The souls series thrive on interpretation, leaving just enough for the imagination to want more but keeping out some of the bigger details. Another absolutely integral part of this is the environments which tell a story all by themselves. Together with vauge direction they form a very potent narrative. Another driving force is that every part of the game seems to have a heavy connection to a theme, invoking so much more character from the different areas.

Deus Ex 1:
Deus Ex is built around the premise of factions always vying for control. Completing enough objectives for any faction will eventually lead you to the end scenario. The key component they employ to make this fun and engaging is the ability to switch sides often (once per map?). This is supported by a strong personal objective that plays into the bigger picture seamlessly and brilliantly.

The Elderscrolls III - Morrowind:
Morrowinds greatness stem from it's complexity. While it's an easy base to follow: A prisoner is sent to Morrowind for unknown reasons but to do the bidding of the Blades (Agents of the King). But it grows in complexity while you get more familliar with the world. The story slowly unfolds seamlessly integrated with more or less optional guild quests. Before you are done not only will you have struggled through a religious narrative but also a political one. Between the cities, tribes & political parties there's a wide differentce in culture, laws and customs. Spice things up with an alien world with age old legends & an overarching plotline every so slightly coming together with every TESIII game where each game leads Tamriel towards becoming more and more unstable in it's state of existance.

The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of time:
Through the journey they foreshadow events and make phenomenal use of pacing. This is done through hitting certain checkpoints. Often times these are in themselves incredibly important with their own subplot. Like Saria becoming a Sage or Kakariko burning down prompting you to action. What really makes it tick is the games great use of symbolism and numbers. It really feels like a genuine legend. It has it's own identity with a rich world of unique and wonderful races and colorful characters. But perhaps most important of all is it's potential for taking dark turns. There's no lack of sad stories, dark & terrifying moments that stand as excellent contrast to the adventure.

The Longest Journey:
What makes TLJ special and unique is not only in it's execution and presentation as an adventure game. But it's how the pacing is phenomenal, how the characters are memorable, likable. But also how the world somehow seemingly tells you everything you need to know but still keeps the bigger mysteries intact. It has humour and it has grace. It moves through the narrative in a natural way. This makes it incredibly easy to loose yourself in the world so masterfully crafted. Every detail of the designs have been carefully and meticulously overseered, and this is something you don't just see on the screen. You see it in your mind, you feel it in your heart. You hear it echoing down the crevice of your soul.

End word:
I aim to make this a series of sorts. Analysing what I think made a specific game/movie/other type of medias story/narrative/lore great. Note that this is my opinion and is subject to change and you as I am entitled to my own opinion. On a final note I'd like to know your greatest stories and why. Leave a comment, let's get some talk going!

Signed, Mireneye

Feeling the magic

It was a night of triumphs in three parts. One part was the unfettered joy of being connected to all of you again. Another is the joy of knowing I've reached rock bottom. With nothing to loose, there is only one way forward. The third triumph is not quite so easy to explain. It is equally part of both but neither come close.

The third triumph is one belonging to the thought of a child. If you close your eyes you may feel it linger in the youngest crevice of your soul. It's the imagination of watching magic unfold for the first time, a phenomenon you can't explain. It is the triump belonging to hope that grows from purity of emotion. So pure, perfect and undeniably outside our grasp. If not for our fondest memories, and our greatest archivements.

Some people live entire lives without ever realizing such things. I've been happy to have experienced it many a times, one may call me lucky.

Never the less the last triump never stays for long. It's a flash, a feeling to fair to hold on to. And why would you? It's fragile and may break at the slightest touch, may crash and crumble upon a glance to long. Leaving you with an empty memory; Not more than another event in an otherwise ordinary and boring life. This triump is only great, because others are not.

Everyone who knows me, know that I have always believed that I'm here to do great things. Call it hubris if you want. But I never bothered to explain but to a handful of what great things I meant. Maybe I didn't know? maybe I still don't know.

But I know this.

The light is meant for everyone, It is a resource in abundance.
It's the damdest thing,

Waking up realizing that today is the day I change the world.

So when I say I'm here to do great things. I'm not doing them for me. I love feeling empowered, I love feeling that I can entertain. I love sharing. But that is also where it stops.

Where I stop... YOU begin.

Without you, everything is finite. Ambition without purpose.

But together we create, express and live magically. Infinitely.

Live for the triumphs, dare to challenge yourself. Inspire the mirror and reflection will pay aplenty.

It was a night of triumphs in three parts. As the third fades, its's brethren show me the way to my next stop, on this grand stage.

Signed, Mireneye