Quote of the day

onsdag 27 juli 2016

Honesty







I'm just going to come out and set this straight. 


Sure when you are deep in love you have all those nice things raging strong inside of you. But the truth of the matter is this:

You are going to hurt someone, and that someone will hurt you back. 
And that's ok. 

Not because any of you want to hurt each other. Not because any of you deserve it. 

But because when you let someone come so close to you that they touch the essence buried beneath your skin, it stirs more than just love. It's like an awakening. As you wake up naked before the other they see you fully, and they too are open to all of you, all of your darkest emotions. They subjectify themselves to this. It's a sacrifice we make in the pursuit of love.

And that's ok. 

It's ok because we know no other way to touch so deeply. We know only how we, together can gaze at each other and be blissfull in that we can be naked together. And sometimes it's going to be ugly. Sometimes you might wonder what it's all for.

And so I remind you that you are only here, because both of you chose to go down this road together. You are only here because you wanted to be so close,

that both of your darkness become light.

måndag 11 juli 2016

Dawn of many

A lot of new developments in life recently. It is a dawn of sorts, for many a new things. Roughly one year and four months back I said that "From this grave I will forge a light to outshine the northern star."

In review of the events preceding, and the current outlook on my future I would say things are looking to be on track.

The forge is running hot. Maybe too hot sometimes, as you all may or may not know I'm the type of person who revel in the calm and slow pace of things. I have great drives but I don't mind the passage of time. I rather enjoy seeing time pass as I enjoy the harmony of the moments life presents me with.

Allow me a moment to fill you in on past, current and future events that become a conglomeration of sorts, bonding together, like rays of light shining ever brighter in their union.

There's been a bit of a shift in my relationship with my parents. And I feel much more comfortable now than ever about talking to my father. And also in relating to his past. It's really nice to be able to relate and too actually have a functioning relationship with your parents, finally. It's a weight I hardly knew I carried.

I've been actively engaged in an indie game project. I can't disclose any information. The main point is that it has seriously rekindled my interest in 2d/3d art. It's lead me to want to draw and paint more to strengthen my artistic abileties in new ways.

I'm working on an assigned group choreo for Urkult 2016. Where I will be a part of a larger ensamblé. It's the most advanced choreographed piece I've ever done with someone. I'm super exited to work with some of the best and most advanced contemporary circus/fire people in Sweden.

I'm currently working extra at Pinchos in Umeå. I've mainly worked doing the dishes which is not all that exciting. It can be full of pressuring challenges and can be a lot of work and responsebility. A restaurant simply will not work if the heart is dead. I find it a valuable experience, however I feel that bartending is where my heart is at. And I do get to stand in the bar every now and then and every time I do I feel so elevated. There's just something tantalizing about it, so for now this is where I will focus my efforts.

And perhaps one of the strongest single rays of light. The one that, when combined with the others elevate and extend them. Making just about every aspect in life seem much fuller. More complete, is the shared and open adventure between me and Zion.

In the wake of all these things I feel alive. I'm more open, vulnurable in a way but stronger in many others.

I feel like that light I sought might just have been a speck on the nightsky, a sky that I will chase from now on.

And I will not rest before the dawn of a new sun.

Signed, Mireneye

måndag 20 juni 2016

Accepting heritage

I realize I come from a family where we hold back, we persevere and tell ourselves there is nothing wrong until everything explodes.

And I never wanted any part of it. And still I became the best of the best.

I don't know exactly how but I know I kept numerous feelings and memories bottled up, all the way to around the age of 24.

This is a confession in two parts.

1, I can be quite explosive. It normally takes a lot to get there but when it does it's quite ugly. It's how I learned how to deal with things and I don't think it's very productive.

2, I'd like to be more logical, more resonable, able to listen to myself more when something is going on that I have to talk about. And I can always try but it's new to me. And when that feels to difficult at times I'll resort to what I know.

Accepting my heritage. Knowing that there's nothing wrong with my body wanting to protect me, but knowing there are better ways to do so is the way forward.

As I continue on my journey towards a better me.

Signed, 
Mireneye

måndag 23 maj 2016

A scale for reality

Some people argue that nothing is real and everything is just happening inside of our head. Some people argue differently. That things have a physical form in the world with or without us.

Some people believe variants of these two extremes. Where thoughts can in some way or shape influence our surroundings. Or that we are all a perpetuated single being splitting itself into several enteties. Only one is real the others just figments of the imagination of a mastermind creature.

What all of the above are talking about is what I will henceforth refer to as the "Scale of reality".

See I really like scales. I'd even argue that scales are the natural order of things and there exist no such thing as binary.

What I mean is that binary is simply two points along a potentially infinite scale that we extract to try to make sense of the world.

And why is this important?

Because on the "Scale of reality", going by the above mentioned logic it would make no sense for the world to exist all objectively and cold as it is.

Neither does it make sense for everything to just be subjective.

In truth, our subjective experience and deduction has to coexist alongside sensory intake.

To answer the question of where we are on this scale. First I think we need to question if we need a solid end to all answer?

Would you be ok if I told you it's dynamic. That every intelligent being on earth is in a constant battle of sorts between what is outside and what comes from within?

It's pretty widely accepted today that consciousness is always changing. The notion of "me" comes from a stream of new memories and sensations becoming old memories and sensations.

It's hard to analyze our reality without bringing our sense of ego into the picture.

What type of world does an animal without a sense of ego percierve? It will likely act according to it's biological needs and fears.

If we are truly just one being living and creating everything inside our own mind. Then for what reason was the ego created? From reason alone the ego stems from a deeper connection than that which only responds to external biological needs.

By deduction that is another reason to follow the logic that every single individual land differently on this scale.

Those who move so far, indeed that we no longer can relate to them, are seen as mad. They loose touch of our common perception of reality.

Our common percecption is different from our internal scale. It's the scale we conform to to allow ourselves to exist on the same plane of reality as everyone else.

For me personally when I go into my artistic zone. I kind of create a heterotopia where it's just me and the task at hand. Sometimes that is accopmanied by a sense of flow, however that is another topic entierly.

Arguably there is an element to flow most people don't think about. But that is the ultimate balance between what is outside and what comes from withing.

We tend to be in the mindstate where our focus is outside. What we project, what we want to show and express.

A lot of people who do drugs (I'm not advocating drugs in any way, just speculation at this point). They easily express themselves as feeling flow. Perhaps precisely because drugs can help some people dissolve the barrier in a world that favors the external reality.

But enough about flow.

And to wrap this up I urge people to explore the world within us. All to often it takes the backseat and like most things in life I think people would feel good if they moderated their reality.

It is after all, the space in which we in some form dwell.

Signed, Mireneye

fredag 29 april 2016

My weaknesses

"My weaknesses are mine to conquer. Mine alone, and nobody can take that from me" - Mireneye

torsdag 21 april 2016

I just feel...

I just feel as if so much is expected of me on so many levels. I'm expected to be a friend, a teacher. I'm expected to be nice and happy because that is the way I always am. Always the optemist.

I'm expected to pay my bills, do the paperwork, look for jobs and keep up a good smile.

I expect of myself to keep giving because that is that is my path. I expect of myself to be creative, be open, be adventurous.

I expect I can take criticism. And that I can turn it into something productive.

And in all this I'm ALSO expected to plan together a flipping birthday for myself. Bleh...

I expect things to be the same, once something is steady, established and strong.. I just want it to be there, so that I too may feel that there is something there for me as well.

But I do also expect change. But not like this. I don't want to be here, I want to be in a productive space, some place where I can have some god damn peace of mind and a breather.

This too shall fall before me and I will conquer my weakness. I'm hanging on the edge extending my hand upwards, I jsut need the strength to pull myself up.

Signed, Mireneye

lördag 16 april 2016

Only forever...

"At the time, I felt that only forever is long enough" - Mireneye