I'm not sure how to tell this story, so I might just as well start somewhere.
There are so many different things happening to me at the same time now. Trying to speak about it feels overwhelming and difficult.
I wish I could just shoot the feeling right at you through the screen. Just for a short while, so you know what I'm feeling. But I will try to do my best to avoid shooting and keep it to words as best as I can. No promise it will be without any bullets, just saying.
There is a certain ambivalence to my feelings that I'm pretty certain I can explain.
On one hand I'm incredibly inspired, hyped, energetic and I have learned so many new things. Started learning dragon staff, learned some yoga practices, found a nice concept with a contact ball that I can play with. Began learning the "steve" with staff, basic toroids with poi and basic quarter arms motions. Last but not least, basic puppyhammer. And these are only the things that "feel" most significant to me. There are MANY other things floating around.
On the other hand I miss home in the sense that I'm starting to miss my friends at home, I miss my cat. I also miss mom and dad and I miss inspiring people to new heights. I'm also trying to deal with a bit of an emotional situation. The short rundown is this, I'm in an arrangement of sorts, but I'm actually starting to feel that it is holding me down and I strongly dislike that feeling. Especially right now when my mind is kind of divided. I feel sense of loyalty to my arrangement but my mind is still wandering off in other directions. It's not something I can avoid, it's just there. And I can't act freely upon it.
On a sidenote. My adventure was looking quite grim a few days ago with too little money to complete either of my bigger projects. And suddenly I got an offer to join the festival Convection. I ended up with a free ticket and a free ride. I have no idea why these wonderful people are so wonderful to me but I feel wonderful and I want to really do wonderful things back, but I somehow come up short in knowing how. I just trust in my own positive self for now and I think it will return by itself in time.
And you know what else? without even thinking about it specifically I ended up getting lots of footage for a new video. How can THAT many things just fall in place before my feet? It's not fate or chance. Call me a freaking hippie for saying this but I might be humble but damn, we are powerful beyond reason!
I have an entire post that details my Convection experience, with pictures. Just waiting to get them while polishing my story. I'm slowly catching up with my blog. I have a bunch of posts in the making atm that cover a lot of my adventure.
But that is kind of where I'm now, trying to decide what to do emotionally so I can think more clearly.
Signed, Mireneye
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