The girl of my dreams

I've had an occuring theme in my dreams, they range from surreal to realistic and I can have them on short naps during daytimes or during my extended sleep perioids.

The theme is an alternative, healthy yet slim girl with a happy mood and easy going attitude, all perfectly matched to pitch black hair.

And we are having such great and simple fun together. It all began very simple, kind of like looking through a mirror at my former self, when I was almost to shy to even talk to girls.

Like back then I knew that I had to try. So I ran up to her in my dream, while walking off a buss and said "Hi". For the longest time she didn't answer, just continued her usual light on her feet walk then turned around revealing a flawless smile on her face, her lips shaped the syllable "Hi" as she grabbed my hand and she invited me to her home.

This is where it began. Since then I've had numerous adventures with the same girl. We have ventured through surreal dreamscapes, we've made love to each other both realistically and fantastically. The last thing I have a clear memory of is a discussion about her moving in.

There's been other times when I've been compelled to live in my dreams, to stay home and sleep. I wish I could show you a picture of her, she's so lovely, I hope that I keep dreaming of her. I just don't know how healthy it is.

Luckily I have so many things happening in my life at the moment that I can't let everything just go like the last time I began living in my own little dream world.

As lovely as I know dreams to be, they only effect real life slightly and they have to remain what they are. Dream for the sake of dreaming but don't let it replace life.

I know it might sound a bit crazy, believe me It's not always easy having a mind like mine that works in mysterious ways.

But oh that lovely girl.
I will return to you again, in time.

Tellihoo

This song and video remind me of many things. It reminds me of who I am, what I used to be. But also what I have made and continue to make people feel around me.

One of my top prioreties have been to make people happy, and I'm not joking if I tell you 2011 was the first year I realized just how hard that can be.

I think for a while I caved in to the difficulty level and I haven't quite been all that supportive and loving as I think I could have been.

2012 is gonna be all about new adventures! And I'm so excited that I get to share it with such beutiful people. With all the projects and ideas and crazy things happening in my life at the moment everything is just gonna unfold into hundreds of oppertuneties to walk on new ground. An exciting new chapter.

Let's have an beyond awesome year my friends!

Cheers!
Signed, Mireneye

Potential shopping list

I will weight some options against the others. Also if I choose to go to Stockholm next month I will probably find something similar there.

Awesome bracelet
Groovy leather necklace
Cool neckchain
Stylish chain for jeans
Interesting shoulder holster
Odium accesory #1
Odium accesory #2
Odium accesory #3
Odium accesory #4
Odium accesory #5

Signed, Mireneye

Shattered ice

When your under the ice you can't always appriciate everything on the outside. The world might seem bleak or the seasons in your life might seem stuck on a dead and cold winter.

But the moment you break free you realize all the beuty and light that was right there, a bare inch from your very being. It's even been touching you for a long time, just.. you were simply not ready to embrace and act upon it.

But I'm ready. I've been for a good while, just didn't know.. didn't think I was fully entitled to this gift. The greatest gift given by the greatest of friends. The ability and freedom to reach and become anything I truly set my mind to.

What happened to that young and immature boy who's life started somewhere around maybe 16? What choices came his way that sent ripples through his mind that still linger today?

Mariah, without you I think my social shell would have been even more of a disaster. The old memories we share, both good and bad made me grow. And whenever both our parents had their individual issues we had each other. Your priceless, eternal in my memory.

Tommy, we shared imagination we shared fun and games. And we grew up both as misfits, not quite belonging anywhere. Without you I would have been very lonely. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Roger, your very prescence inspired me. Your flamboyant yet childishly playfull style has always radiated within me. You gave me the courage and you gave me the practical tools that would lead me on the long journey that I'm still threading to this very day. You understood me better then anyone and brought me happiness by simplyl being happy yourself. Your such an amazing person and I wish you all the best!

Emil Stenman, for without you the ripples that Roger sent through me would have flattened much sooner. I never stoppped to thank you enough but damn man! you are the very reason I found Poi, you are the reason I started going to raves. My real social debut outside of the small village life started with you! You are eternal in my memory.

Veronica, You are a tricky one. See I was so green when I first met you, so different from what I am today. When I met you the first time on a buss none the less, I could hardly speak to a girl. I was so nervous, crazily nervous. But getting your msn contact, talking to you, starting to feel comfortable with that might be one of the most important things that ever happened to me. We had our ups but of course I was so inexperianced and had no clue how to handle a girl. And I hope I wasn't to much of a drag back then. I had probably punched myself in the face if I saw my old self today. You are a very special person to me.

Because I don't want to miss out on anyone. Here's a shoutout to the collective (and associated people) I lived in for almost two years. It was the most productive and intense time of my life and I've grown so much. Without you I wouldn't have come to Umeå (at least not in the first place). Hugs to all of you!

Nicklas, when I got home from my travels, totally broke and nowhere to live after the fall of the collective you offered me a sofa. Good company and I learned to party like only our family can. I think I learned to let go of so many bad conventions and habits and really got into the groove being with you that it changed me. I'm thankful for those times when we would hunt for cans to get money for milk and noodles. Love you like a brother!

Marica, my first true love. I don't believe I have ever hurt anyone as much as I have hurt you. Never have I loved anyone as deeply either. The time we spent together was filled with life and I learned so many things about people, about relationships, and finally why exes don't get along when feelings get the best of you. When I first met you I was confined inside of a sphere where reality mattered less and my mind was everything but you opened my eyes to a wider and more vibrant world. And for all that we have been through I thank you, sincerely.

These are a selection of the people who have influenced what I am today, in some kind of half-assed chronological order, with some overlaps mind you.

I think the most amazing thing is that even if my past has been filled with amazing influencial people I think right now I have so many people around me who deserve just as much credit. Too many to name.

One day does not pass without me learning something new. or with someone helping me out with something. And I can only thank you enough by honoring your attempts.

And the only way I can do that is by realizing my goals. In a way they are as much your dreams now as they are mine for without you I wouldn't be here.

A heartfelt thanks!

Signed, Mireneye

Reflections (An open letter).

(This is kind of an open letter to somebody).

A few days have passed since an unfortunate incident in which I took a central part of. Some of you know, some of you don't. It doesn't matter.

My mind has been silent since then. Not a word, nothing. It's been blessfully calm. This morning is the first day among many days where there was something that I needed to get out there.

It's unfortunate that it has had to come down to this. At some level I think both of us knew things wouldn't work out so easily but you wanted to believe as you always do and I wanted to try, like I always do. But I think you would agree, would you read this; That this is proving to be best for both.

Without you around I can't hurt you any more. And I can let go of you more and more as I endulge myself in the rest of my grand adventure.

I want to try to make up for what I've done. But there's nothing I know of that I can do... So I will leave it all in the hands of time. Like I have tried the latest days.

I know it's late. But I meant no harm and somewhere I'd like to think that you know that. I was frustrated, an emotion born out of my unanswered feelings. Things that surface when i'm not in my right mind.

On the flipside of things for you and me. I've never felt so distant that is so "cutoff" from you. And as much as I said that I regret it had to come to this. It's best for us both. I'm silly for not having understood that earlier.

I was probably one of your biggest problems a lot of times the latest months. Even if we could have fun from time to time. This is a hard resolve for me to accept. And I be damned, you have done so well.

Hope you are doing ok.
Me?
Don't worry about me. I've always found a way.

Looking at all the things in my apartment just made me realize everything from the bum lying in my bed to the arcade machine and the cat are all result of how I choose to live my life.

I'll keep in touch, when the time feels right. You do whatever you do obviously.

Signed, Mireneye