A year of miles: In quotes

A year of miles!



"I tend to come to this point in life from time to time
and I always face the same dilemma. It is not the
darkness that scares me, actually that silent, dark
corner looks incredibly comfy and safe.

Especially compared to going out there, knowing nothin, taking a
step forward, transending your very being and as such,
becoming something greater.

An evolution of the soul."

"Don't be scared to want something and to grab it. Don't
care so much about the world around you, it will follow
or not. What matters is your own dreams and goals.
I forgot my greatness at some point.
I'm on an adventure to rekindle that flame, if you're on
that path is all up to you."

"I grew up with a christian mother and an atheist father.
So I got my share of both worlds suffice, to say I always
kind of liked the good parts that religion wants to bring
forward but I've always disliked misdirecting belief in
yourself to belive in something superficial. "


"But the plane trip home felt like it was going to kill
me. Four hours to get to Cancun, Mexico, but nine and a
half  hours to get back! This silenced my excitement for
a while until something stirred up inside of me.
A sense of destiny."


"The breeze

You are like the air I breathe, the inspiration for my soul
It is your essence from which my wind was summoned

Like the leaf I rustled your cape
You never left me on the ground

Never alone

 Like that gentle morning breeze you have blown me
blown me away with amazement

Like the leaf I am

I let the wind take me far and even further I got
But not always towards the known

Now the seed you planted
Has settled - and will grow "

"But we are wondrous machines made for great things and
great errors and I've come to always try to reserve
myself for the possebility of having cited or understood
something the wrong way. Or in some matters, being simply
misinformed or mislead. "


"I like my views like that, transcendant, always taking
new shapes. But is it not possible that you can "win" an
argument not by being correct but by being the one who
take a change of heart?
Surely that should feel just as good; but society, being
what it is has the gold, silver and bronze mentality
ingrained so heavily into our minds that equality has
deminished."

"In fuzzy logic there are calculations that do not give
exact answers. While a linear explosion would give us
predictable results an explosion made with fuzzy logic
would give us a "chance" result at the very most basic
level. Assuming everything started with an explosion of
course. This means that our path is not predestined
because we are the result of a random seed. And as long
as time is not recursive, free will most definitely
exists. "

"Then I abruptly disturb the pleasureable soundscape by
rapidly tapping out my mind onto the laptop keyboard. It
seems the only road tonight is to put my mind to rest
through the dance of my fingers.

In harmony the soundscape and the dance blend into what
can only be the very essence of my sleeplessness. An
idea."


"But what is Hexagonica? It is the beginning of a
universe. A story meant to portray a certain kind of
advent chaos that we really could never begin to
understand unless we extracted a chunk of it and present
it in chosen pieces. Reading the true "Hexagonica" story
would be the equivalent of trying to see a hypercube."


"The new me has some dark memories of things I'd rather
never had been a part of, but they are overwhelmed by the
adventure that was the relationship. In such a way I've
grown more mature and more secure in who I am.
I've learned to become a better planner, a man of more
responsibility. I've started to walk the path that I've
always felt inferior to archive.
That is a victory!"

"When your under the ice you can't always appriciate
everything on the outside. The world might seem bleak or
the seasons in your life might seem stuck on a dead and
cold winter.

But the moment you break free you realize all the beuty
and light that was right there, a bare inch from your
very being. It's even been touching you for a long time,
just.. you were simply not ready to embrace and act upon
it.

But I'm ready. I've been for a good while, just didn't
know.. didn't think I was fully entitled to this gift.
The greatest gift given by the greatest of friends. The
ability and freedom to reach and become anything I truly
set my mind to."

Signed, Mireneye

In a world of fantasy and dishes

Once upon a time there was a young boy. The young boy had an immensily powerful imagination, he had a vision and a fate that pulled at his very being.

Slowly as he has progressed through the ages, he has learned that to make imaginary things into a reality one has to work, no matter how powerful you are it all goes to a waste if you can not pass it along to others.

To share with the world, that which lingers inside.

It's like using a muscle that you've never used before.. Planning and keeping a shedule, I find a lot of the time it goes against one of the principles of fun.

But it doesn't have to be that way. For one such as myself who arguable is in control of his own destiny, I should be able to find joy in almost everything.

I know the how. But I just might need to get together with the right people, people who can give me a push now that it is needed the most.

These are things I need to do. For myself, for others.
*Need to resume writing Dynasthir, I've got the inspiration but I need some direction.
*Need to keep recording content for PlayjoyGaming and keep improving the quality.
*Need to start fleshing out one of the concept ideas for the new style poi/circus videos.
*Need to make sure Casa is looking as good as it can, got to get back to the essence of the "old days".

And before you tell me that as long as I see these as needs they will loose their sense of excitement and it will be difficult to find the urge to do them. Well I get this with poi a lot. Sometimes you have to just push through a barrier to get to the fun part. It's part of life. I need to do this to feel a sense of fulfillment from life.

I could even make a decent budget out of what I have saved at the moment.
The time should be now! but in the wake of all this I'm not feeling the pull of my destiny. Perhaps there is something that I'm missing?

Signed, Mireneye

Briefly conceptualized

Wild, untamed, outside of control like fire.
Yet adaptable, flowing like water.
The balance of chaos and logic within.

This is me.

The humanity, part one

This post will cover a lot of things that are on my mind at the moment. I will try to keep it all somewhat coherent for your reading pleasures.

Today I realized some things about myself. My friend was talking to me and while I wanted to be interested I just felt my attention dwindling and slowly I just could not focus neither remember a word of what he said.

At first I thought it was just my mind acting up all stupid not being able to keep up with what he was saying but after having given it some though I realized it is at least partially because of my ability or one could say lack of focus.

There is however an instance that happens to me every so often that I have yet been able to explain. It's a similar state in which I'm completely focused in the moment but days afterwards I seem to have forgotten almost all the content of that moment but the essence stays with me.

By the essence I mean what stays with me are things like the general emotion if it was fun, boring, exciting.

I have blamed myself hard for not remembering these things.. I can't even begin to tell you how frustrating it has been for me at times to somehow having phased out things that are SO important to others.

I'm calling it "phased out" because I have no idea what to call it.

But there is a cure. The cure is going through the conversations in my head afterwards and also writing things down. All hope is not lost. I'm getting by, unless I forget to do this, which happens. But the occasions have gotten fewer.

In the end I choose to focus a lot of energy on this issue because it has ended up being something that people find very important. And I agree.

With almost having wrapped up that topic for now let's connect some dots and then move on.
What I meant by these thing being similar is the phasing. But in one instance I'm seemingly totally focused in the other I'm barely able to keep focus at all.

I need a second opinion to analyze this. I really can not understand why this is by myself. I tried. This was just yet another definition that I have found about what is happening to me.

I do the same if I lay down in bed to watch stuff. I can phase out even if it's practically the most interesting show in the world. Let's call it super-selective narcolepsy, and no... I don't know the actual definition of the word.

That aside... let's move on to another issue.

I promised myself never to fear feeling or to fear that particular feelings might destroy something. I promised so that I could always be true to my feelings.

It's not always so easy. These days I feel much more fragile and a lot more thankful for the wonderful days I've had. Luck has always seemingly been on my side but my faith in said luck is beeing tested more now then ever. It's almost like a curse has befallen my family.

But I have stood strong, perhaps to long. Every day that passes I almost feel like I'm on the edge of crying, I never feel far away from it. Yet somehow I don't. There's a core fragment in my very being that keeps me stable.

But there are things to be happy about, the little light there is has a tendency to shine the brightest when it is needed the most. How convenient.

And it is within that speck of light that I relish my being.

It is here that I will find my strength again.

The seal is broken

I haven't exactly have had much time to write here for a while. But also my life has been in a state where I have not really had much to talk about.

It's been a time of actions.. not a time of words.

I've worked and even oddly enough enjoyed work. I've developed some more skills in my different areas. just a bit slower then I thought. No matter how much I want to, I can't be too greedy with time. As long as I bide my time and keep trying, good things are bound to happen!

You might be wondering what changed and why I decied to write tonight. Well it's a mixture of things actually.

For one I'm in that perfect tired and creative mode but I really can't do much else at this moment. The other reasons are a mish mash of having some really good feelings coursing through my body and a complete enjoyment of life in the moment.

The final piece is how I somehow feel as if an elderly curse has been lifted. Somehow a heavy coinscience - elevated from the chains which imposed a great burden upon my body and mind.

It has not been a darkness as much as it has been a shroud that has loomed in me for a long time, effecting me on a daily basis.

Perhaps it's a halo-like effect and I'm just happy enough to be blind to all the negative.

But if it is so what? what matters is the now. I have been carving my path slowly my friends. I have come to realize just how many chances make my way and I'm grateful for every one of them that I can fathom. Meeting certain people, doing certain things.

It all collapses together into the unity that is my future, and right now it's looking very, very bright.

Signed, Mireneye

Carving a path

Ever since I was handed the option to simply live I have done so. I'm one of those lucky who have had a family who have supported me and handed me an easy way through my early years.

I can not deny what has been and what is now and what that has made me into. But I can recognize it as something.

Something good and something bad.

I have come to rely to much on events happening around me and I've re-imagined them at most points to mean something good. The question then becomes if I should keep doing this because it is working for me, or If I should look beyond to see if there is even greener grass on the other side.

I would like to think I have lots of potential but a lot of it is unfortunately wasted. How so you might ask?
I have relatively few things going on in my life, effectively I should even be able to do a lot of things in a days work. But I retreat into the comfort of not doing many things at all except whatever comes to mind in the moment.

But why?

I'm 25 years old, carpe diem for fuck sake.

If I look at what I have archived in a year. This is what I can imagine in a 365 days span:
*I have trained maybe 50-100 hours?
*I have travelled halfway across the globe and back
*I have played games up to maybe 300 hours
*I have watched media up to maybe 100 hours

Addeded up that is activity for 1 hour and 20 minutes / day. The rest of the time is spent doing what exactly? Here's some of my activeties that will add up a lot of that time:
*Socializing
*Partying
*Writing
*Working
*3d graphics

I only have work every other week, this opens up for a lot of possebileties. Time I can use to perform many feats that others simply do not have the time to do, but I spend it, recovering for the next work week while what I could do are things I love to do that will naturally empower me.

Here's a list of things that naturally empower me:
*Practice
*Film videos for my channels
*3d graphics
*Writing
*Gaming
*Eating healthily
*Having a clean home

And so I have decided to try to again to plan my time and recapture the essence of what I can be. I have always been inspired, perhaps envious of great leaders. Or what I percieved as such when I was young. Figures such as Silver Fang and Riki comes to mind. But they are not prominent figures in a grown up life. I have others I look at that I can learn a lot from and so I will now embark upon a journey to learn such a feat.

I hope this can further add to my personality and empower myself to become more driven and more responsible. As long as I have a source of natural empowerment I can rely on that when I'm in a steep slope.

It is nigh time to carve my path!

What is your best tips to keep empowered and how do you plan your time? Leave me a comment below!

Signed, Mireneye

Understanding

It is growing more and more alien to me.

The way people argue, the way people speak. You speak as if you know anything - even when all we "know" is based on foundations we have created. It is perhaps best cited by ancient philosophy just how wrong we can be and how ironic such a statement is. The words might echo in you already "All I know is that we know nothing".

Sometimes I find myself in arguments and in the past I have protected my views taking pride in teachings I have trusted. That of family, of close friends. Sometimes that of the internet, wikipedia or even random people.

But we are wondrous machines made for great things and great errors and I've come to always try to reserve myself for the possebility of having cited or understood something the wrong way. Or in some matters, being simply misinformed or mislead.

People seem very clingy to their right to be the winning side of an argument. Indeed it might even seem like being "correct" is the only way to win an argument. And bare with me now, this is my opinion and I might change it any any moment. I like my views like that, transcendant, always taking new shapes. But is it not possible that you can "win" an argument not by being correct but by being the one who take a change of heart?

Surely that should feel just as good but society, being what it is has the gold, silver and bronze mentality ingrained so heavily into our minds that equality has deminished.

Some brightheads coined the term which has become a classic amongst deep arguments. One which is supposed to impose a ground which both parts can settle things upon. I'm sure you've encountered the term "You can have your opinion and I can have mine". This is in a way a lazy but incredibly convenient way to put things aside if you simply can not come to an understanding.

You agree to disagree.

Understanding...

I talked about this before with friends that I think that almost all problems in the world can be traced back to either one of these things.

*Misunderstanding
*Not wanting to understand
*Twisted understanding

People misunderstand each other all the time. I recall one recent even in which quite obviously a person was seeking my attention and I was to wrapped up in something. And I failed to understand the importance. And the person failed to understand how to reach out to me.

Not wanting to understand often times can be attributed to pride, but also to many other things. Many of them deeply psychological. Not wanting to understand can also be a sign of someone being protective of their views about a certain things and they probably value it highly. I know at least one time I did not want to understand which had to do with religion and my ex. In retrospect, I was being incredibly silly. Not understanding is often times attributed to NOT WANTING to understand which in turn often times lead to quarrels or even wars.

Finally, twisted understanding is the manipulative evil brother of the above mentioned categories. It's an attribute I know. It was a road I walked unknowingly. A road I left long ago. If you ever felt compelled to something so much you will know what I mean. Twisted understanding is hearing one thing and interpretting it in a way that will twist things in your favor and using it intentionally againts people in different ways. We often twist things without realizing their destructive effects. This type can invoke anger, fear, tears. If used properly it might work for a time. But living a facade is not a way of life, not in my book.

I'm sure you have your own thoughts about what I just said, so please share them. I'd love to expand my understanding on this subject. Why people do not get each other baffles me even if I encounter and battle my own inability to level with people almost daily.

We know nothing. This is just my point of view, me finding a way through life, and if you so choose you can adapt or dismiss. Meanwhile I'l ready some garlic bread to celebrate our understanding.

Just some food for thought, speaking of food; Thinking makes me hungry.

Signed, Mireneye