Best Monday, crashed!

WOW! Today has been fun and it's most likely not even over yet!
But with great ups come great downs and I'm right now recovering from that 'down'. But all in due time. Let's begin where it all began.

I woke up this morning, my dad and my mom were going out so I had to stay and guard the dog, "sure" I said "but I need to be home by 13:00. So be quick!"

My mother being the one who would come home first promised that she would.

In the end I had to leave the apartment unguarded and the dog lonely, I had planned to meet up with a person I will henceforth refer to as Mike. Mike is a student (former student) of the NTI gymnasium, widely interested in media and such. We just recently met so we have yet to actually hang out and talk so much.

The plan was to meet up and play some arcade dance games at my place on my arcade before getting ready for Swedish "Valborg". A party in which you make a huge fire and people gather around and have the time of their life.

After an extensive two hour or so session of dance gaming Mike wen't home and I started rummaging through my clothes looking for an outfit for the evening. I settled for a black with grey details cyber dog t-shirt with some nice alternative styled black shorts and my red black army camo vest and to top it of a classy 1945 styled hat with a bunch of pins applied to it.

I was ready for action!

But what action exactly? I didn't really have a plan, I rarely do.

So I started by going downtown, while on the buss it hit me that a friend of mine, short readheaded thingy I will refer to as Chii for her interest in Japan and Anime and her awesome nature, had invited me earlier to dine with friends before going to Campus.

I was dead certain I was too late but I was actually right on time. I met up with Chii and ventured to Ålidhem. Where we met up with another newfound friend. By tradition, let's call him Charlie, no puns, guys, seriously, it's getting old ;) All I really know about Charlie is that he's an anime freak, he paints muscular men and he's an "oldfag".

Charlie, me and Chii chatted at the doorstep for a minute or so before going to the store where we met up with the fourth and final diner guest. We can call him Rolfi, I don't think he minds!

Rolfi is like me, interested in how the human mind works, he's probably a few steps ahead of me but I enjoy his company, it's fun knowledge to know and share with somebody like-minded-ish.

 When we got back to Charlie's apartment and while waiting for diner to cook itself magically (well I did and it worked). We sat down to watch anime and weird videos on Youtube. The actual meal continued the awesome wickedness that the mood of the videos and discussions that spawned from the videos had already established.

The food was chicken wrapped in bacon with potato moon slices (whatever they are actually called) and garlic bread, omnomnom!!! I almost cried while eating, in between one liners and cultural references to comedy galore.

I have seriously not had that much fun in ages!

What did Charlie put in the chicken?
I'm left to wonder eternally, hahah.

In any case, after the meal we all went down to Campus to watch the fire show. Met so many faces I know and had the BEST time walking down there. Love you guys, in a totally non homoerotic, no gay, not even touching with my stick way!

I shit you not, the very apex of the evening was right around the corner! Two minutes away when work calls me in and tells me I need to be there ASAP. Which means I had to leave right then, right there.

Sucked so majorly that it kind of ruined my night for a while. I was really sad and let down because I was promised that I would have a few minutes off to watch the show at least.

Only kind of, now I'm plotting a pen and paper role-playing session with my cousin and some friends. Not sure if we'll be in time to get it all together for tonight. I'm a bit moody that I had to leave that genuinely happy mood that I've lacked for a long time.

But I can't be moody too long when I look back at the day and I see your smiles!

Thank you from the depths of my heart,
you know who you are!

Signed, Mireneye

Knowing & feeling

I can hardly shape coherent thoughts tonight. I'm both too tired to double check what I write and I have too many splintered fragments of ideas and thoughts loosely beaming back and fourth between the fatigued neurons of my brain.

Today was a good day.

Bought some shot glasses out of necessity and a small buddah at Myrorna (Second hand) for my desktop collection of figuries and then ventured home.

At home I dressed up in a silly hat and a silly smile and played Little big planet 1 with Mew (Not her real name but the reference of which I will henceforth call her by).

In the midst of the chaos two other friends dropped by, preparing for party, as time passed Mew eventually had other matters to attend to and I had to prepare for work.

I've been so full of natural energy that I can hardly contain it all.
Things are as they should be!

I find myself smiling, projecting my happiness around me.

Even while that is the case, tonight I feel kind of lonely. I had planned for an entire night of playing the GW2 Beta Event but their launch was kind of a failiure with pretty intense login problems. I did play a little bit but I'm tired of hammering the login button, hoping it will let me in, sooner or later.

I did play a little bit and the opening sequence was out of this world! Hands down the most atmospheric intro I've played in an MMO.

Never the less I'm too tired to try to access all that awesomeness beyond that point.

I wish I could simply lie down and softly embrace a certain someone. It's funny how in this digital world with hundreds of connections and people, smartphones, incredible media like music and movies, one can feel soo, soo - lonely.

Of course I know I'm not lonely. But I've learned that knowing and feeling can be wildly different. I think the best cure is to lay down and sleep and try to not think so much more and imagine that your holding that special somebody, letting her being fill that empty void.


Signed, Mireneye

Spirituality, the supernatural, belief and me

Why wonder over the supernatural when the natural is a wonder on it's own?
Why believe in forces outside of our reach when all I need is right here, right now?

Over the course of a few years I've been thinking, arguing, theorising and debated questions of religious or spiritual beliefs. But it was not before a discussion I had in the beginning of the winter 2011 that I finally started to shape the reason why even resonable logical people still cling to belief.

Before I go on I want to stress the fact that this is my observation and might be completely off the mark for anyone else our there but me alone. But I put it out here, open for you to read, deconstruct, criticize or wipe your arse with.

Without further delay, here's the rundown.

When I was a kid I always wanted to believe in supernatural things so I was always hunting for them, scouting graveyards, looking up rumors spread amongst friends and in general I was investigating supernatural phenomena. I was even part of a session of mass hysteria. One of the most awesomely frightening moments in my life. Extremely vivid fear that for a while really twisted reality.

I also dreamt about events that would become real later on, every other week or so. This propelled me down a path of sleep and dream research which I have more or less forgot since then.

I grew up with a christian mother and an atheist father. So I got my share of both worlds suffice to say I always kind of liked the good parts that religion wants to bring forward but I've always disliked misdirecting belief in yourself to belive in something superficial.

My irritation with "belief" comes from the notion that people believe that "God" will solve everything for them if they pray. As such I don't really have a problem with "God" himself but with the people turning to him for help when in many cases all they need to do is believe in themselves or actually spend their time doing something productive instead of praying.

That being said let's talk about my own contradictions and how I'm going to defend them. Yes I have a few "beliefs" myself that kind of go against these principles of mine, and yet not really. Ready? ok.

I believe that the earth is my mother. She is my second mother of two. My biologial mother gave birth to me but without the earth we might have been stardust still, hey maybe that wouldn't be so bad? who knows.

I don't believe in an afterlife but I believe giving a moment of your time for people you love. I actually even go to church to light a candle. Effectively, psychologically anchroing the behaviour so that I actually spend time doing this. I'm not christian, but I really, really like the tradition of lighting candles for loved ones who has passed away.

It gives you time to reflect upon memories that helped shaped who you are. As memories shape us everyday, keep reminding yourself about your past. It is the key to unify your very being.

The concept that overshadows these traits can be summarized by the word "safety". I feel safe believing that the earth is my mother. I feel safe in taking time to reflect on the past. This explains supernatural as being a trait of feeling unsafe or even as a lack of knowledge of what is actually going on.

After all lingustically that is what "supernatural" means. It's beyond natural. In that sense anything we don't understand can be categorized as "supernatural". Quite funny, if you think about it.

I don't mean to step on anyones toes but I would like to say that anything you have ever witnessed that you think clearly in your mind is the result of "God" or a "ghost" or anything similar, is actually us, not knowing what is actually going on. Kind of in the same way religious people cite that "God works in mysterious ways".

There's no way for me to disprove of either. But for me there's no purpose believing in the supernatural.
There was never really a way for me to shoot lightning from my hands as a kid, no matter how much I believed I could do it. But today I can, if I believe in my own ability, put some hard effort into it and actually start learning and developing a way. And perhaps through science, reach my goal.

That doesn't mean I'll stop dreaming or stop believing, I'm still that young boy on the inside. Just the means to reach an end has expanded.

Signed, Mireneye

Busy day #01

Got my passport at the police station, then quickly ran off to Vasaplan to catcha buss going towards Strömpilen to pick up the game "Dragons Age 2" from Gamestop.

A "Price" as you may call it from TVSpelsjam 2.

When I got back to town I sat down with a friend at café Station waiting for two other friends to get there so I could join one of them to go eat sushi later and meet up with a third friend.

MAN I seriously need to start coming up with names for people I can blog freely with.

Goshdangit it's hard to write coherently without names :P

Signed, Mireneye

Time theory

This is an early revision, I'm working on a more elaborate one. Wanted to get the idea out there.

A base to my theory:
*In a body of water, pick a drop and put it further upstream. The drop symbolizes you travelling backwards.
*Through an equation you can reverse engineer the universe from that drop. Which then is placed earlier in the stream.
*A body of water is always changing, more or less shapeless it becomes the shape we want it to be.
*The drop would merge with the "past" water, adding/summarising/overwriting it's data.

This avoids the paradox of meeting youself by merging. And it avoids several timelines, it is rather a shapeless timebody.

As such there is no such thing as future or past. Not in a classical sense.

25th Birthday

What a nice birthday present! Blogger changed look so now I have to relearn things, on my birthday.
Freakin' brilliant. It would all be so easy if the world simply conformed to me alone. Sigh.

Today I hit the 25s. Instead of lingering on the very much useless notion that I'm getting older, let's have a look at what I've got going in my life right now.

In May I'm going to travel in the US and it's vicinity and I have a few ideas I want to execute on my trip and a few alternatives to those ideas. One is to meet up with the very talented violinist Lindsey Stirling and film a video, another is to meet up with the electronic music artist extravaganza Kyle Ward and hang out and maybe plan for a little something, something.

When I come home there will be a plethora of games that I crave to play and I think it will be a great time to kickoff my let's play series. I'm really, quite intimidated by the idea because it's such deep waters to wade through. Around the same time, I figure the initial planning for TVSpelsjam 3 will start so I will be really busy juggling all that, poi practice and work.

In the meantime I'm writing my new fantasy setting called Dynasthir. It's shaping up to become my most elaborate world so far and I'm happy I got such talented people working with me.

Last but not least, I have a serious need for my own good to jot down a list of things that I need to buy for myself in the coming months (so that I know my priorities):
*Wacom tablet
*Buy/Setup working sound system in Casa.
*A single bed matress pad.
*New DDR3 Memory for mainframe
*New graphics card and memory sticks for ITG2 Upgrade

Have a great day!
Signed, Mireneye

Midnight tinkering

It has happened again! another one of those nights where I'm not sure what I should do, I feel like I should do lots of things but I don't really feel like doing them alone. I want to talk, interact and have fun with people, watch a movie or play a game.

Tomorrow work begins again, feels like such a long time since last time. Actually it's a kind of a relief, I enjoy having something I have to do. It doesn't quite matter what it is, just, as long as there is something.

I'll see you around the later hours.

Signed, Mireneye

Gaming frustration & me

I always thought I was a bad gamer.

Thinking about it, my parents have told me that when I was very young I had great patience. I could sit with one thing and just wait for however long it took. I was very focused, very into it. It is THE one trait that has followed me into adulthood and has been a real saviour in real life. Actually it has probably saved my life as a gamer as well.

But allow me to get back to my point.

There are so many games I'm bad at. I'm completely irretactical (yes I made that up) and like to rush action ala quake style or bullestorm. Simply fast pace, easy action.

And so for the longest time I believed easy was my difficulty of choice. And that RPGish games that carry a story I can ejoy was my fancy.

And then Demon's Souls came along.

When I began playing Demon's Souls I was beyond horrible. I died so many times but I kept going, for those who do not know this game, the enemies get tougher every time you die. It forced me into a situation I hadn't really faced before.

There was no easy mode.

But I had to have some kind of ground to stand on so I turned to the internet, reserarched the game, the moves and I started to slowly get the hang of it.

Whenever frustration grows a bit to big for me I still cling to the internet for help, or to friends who also played the game. But I try it a few times myself first.

At some point later on I picked up the PC game Leauge of Legends, and as I suspected I was rubbish. However using my newfound ability to analyse and to break down things and with extra dedication I was able to understand the game more and more. I'm far from professional in my gamig but it's looking brighter already.

For the sequel to Demon's Souls, Dark Souls, I invested many hours into pre-researching. And playing Demon's Souls again to recap my skillset. And when it came I was more then ready.

I can't say it was easy, but I had a much harder time beating the first game. Slowly things started to click into place.

It's not the story and it's not the type of game. What get's me boils down to a few simple things: Immersion, Challenge and Competition.

A few hours ago I finished Catherine's single player campaign on normal. Easy was even adviced for people new to the game but I didn't want anything else. Hard would be over the top for me but I might tackle it now that I have beaten the game and gotten used to very many of the mechanics.

For those who do not know, Catherine is a puzzle-platformer survival horror adventure game with a wicked romance story.

It's gameplay reminds me of what would be a hybrid between Q-bert and some block pusher game. Mixed in with some story that mostly takes place in the main characters apartment or at the bar
"The Stray sheep".

It's a strange game, no kidding!

And it can be hard as hell.

I don't think I ever had to retry a section of a level more then maye thirty times (I see that as a win BTW). It's fast and frantic and you will probably be really mad at some points but it keeps you on the edge and you can clearly see your progress all the time.

Block by block you learn how it all fits together and what techniques to use and when to use them. By the end you'll almost start thinking the puzzles in real life, very amusing.

I've picked up the habit (mostly because it's fun). To sometimes when two things connect, say the word "Edge". Like when I put down a glass of water on the table.

It's similar to my habit of telling people a storyline from a game when they ask me what I did today. Something like, "Oh nothing big, I just teamed up with some Ninja turtles and kicked some evil guy's ass back to his own dimension".

Bare with my humor, I find it funny when people don't get it. But the best part is when people do. In both cases you can discuss wherever the idea sprung from. "WHAT! you haven't seen Turtles?" or "Do you remember that episode? ... bla bla".

With that being saind I reccomend Catherine to any gamer who wants a fun challenge. The game can be pretty forgiving if you let it. On normal mode there are places you can basically herd extra lives.

I have very ambivalent feelings about this.

On one side it's great because you don't have to get so frustrated, on the other side if you'r like me you will be tempted to grab it just to avoid frustration. This takes away a lot of the inherent difficulty.

But with a game as chaotic as this I think makes up for it by far.

Catherine
8.5/10

Signed, Mireneye

One flame

Do you happen to be the kind of person who believes in chance? In luck. A person who can work and honestly crave for a goal every day until it has been archived? Are you chaotic, spontaneous, a free soul, happy and good-natured? And do you carry confidence strong enough to know of your own beuty?

These are all things I value in a person, especially in a partner. They hardly represent everything, that would ruin the element of surprise.

But at least these are things I'd like to value, what actually gets to me might be something quite different and unique.

Like the way a certain person smiles, or the way they speak. Maybe their cheekbones or a peculiar and unique way they see things. Not neccesarily classically "intelligent" but at least different is usually enough to catch my attention.

One could go as far as to assume that normal bores me. That assumption is however gravely false. Normal is good, normal is safe and easy. It's calm and constructive. Difference is chaotic, it's not at all as safe and the results are sometimes good and sometimes bad.

But I prefer change, chaos and differance before order, calm and certain results.

I learn more and more every day about juggling the concept of order to survive out there in the world. And it's a scary thing for me, it involves so many things I don't perticularily enjoy. Like stress, dependancy, regularity and control.

If you share my concerns write a comment and explain what's on your mind.
And if you fit the description, maybe we should hook up? ;) Hahah.

Signed, Mireneye

Trial of a forgotten life

Sometimes when I look back at my past I almost feel so distant I'm not sure it's my own.

Who's to say I was the one who travelled back and fourth to Japan, lost a prototype levistick from Salza, met Yuta at hikari matsuri 2007?

Who, except my memories? I have nobody to tell my story, perhaps except those I met.

But the nature of life is not so simple, you don't really ask people to explain their first impression unless you are actively discussing the subject like close friends. Well, not normally.

At the moment of writing I'm slightly intoxicated, so bare with my horrible English.

I've put some energy into turning my upcoming trip to the US to the greatest trip I've been to so far. And some awesome alternatives has unfold before me. But who am I to take part in this wonderful future? And like Marianne Williamson, I must recite. Who am I not to?

I tend to come to this point in life from time to time and I always face the same dilemma. It is not the darkness that scares me, actually that silent, dark corner looks incredibly comfy and safe.

That is compared to going out there, knowing nothing. Taking a step forward again, transending you very being and as such, becoming something greater.

An evolution of the soul.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" - Marianne Williamson

Now I do not believe in God. But this rings true in so many ways for me, that it is hard to explain how much it actually applies.

But I also have a principle in life that is based upon a quote of which It's true origin I don't know. The quote goes "If you want something in life, just reach out and grab it".

Ad that my friends is exactly how I do the things I do. I want to go abroad, BAM, somehow I fix it. I want to get an arcade dance machine BAM less then a year away. I want to become ferociously good at poi well... BAM ten years later :P

It's all in your mind.

Don't be scared to want something and to grab it. Don't care so much about the world around you, it will follow or not. What matters is your own dreams and goals.

I forgot my greatness at some point.

I'm on an adventure to rekindle that flame, if your on that path is all up to you.

And finally I want to thank everyone who joined my adventure this very night the 5th too the 6th of april, 2012. You are all awesome and shine so brightly.

Some of you are new stars on my sky, and you twinkle so beutifully.

'Night ^^

Signed, Mireneye