The seal is broken

I haven't exactly have had much time to write here for a while. But also my life has been in a state where I have not really had much to talk about.

It's been a time of actions.. not a time of words.

I've worked and even oddly enough enjoyed work. I've developed some more skills in my different areas. just a bit slower then I thought. No matter how much I want to, I can't be too greedy with time. As long as I bide my time and keep trying, good things are bound to happen!

You might be wondering what changed and why I decied to write tonight. Well it's a mixture of things actually.

For one I'm in that perfect tired and creative mode but I really can't do much else at this moment. The other reasons are a mish mash of having some really good feelings coursing through my body and a complete enjoyment of life in the moment.

The final piece is how I somehow feel as if an elderly curse has been lifted. Somehow a heavy coinscience - elevated from the chains which imposed a great burden upon my body and mind.

It has not been a darkness as much as it has been a shroud that has loomed in me for a long time, effecting me on a daily basis.

Perhaps it's a halo-like effect and I'm just happy enough to be blind to all the negative.

But if it is so what? what matters is the now. I have been carving my path slowly my friends. I have come to realize just how many chances make my way and I'm grateful for every one of them that I can fathom. Meeting certain people, doing certain things.

It all collapses together into the unity that is my future, and right now it's looking very, very bright.

Signed, Mireneye

Carving a path

Ever since I was handed the option to simply live I have done so. I'm one of those lucky who have had a family who have supported me and handed me an easy way through my early years.

I can not deny what has been and what is now and what that has made me into. But I can recognize it as something.

Something good and something bad.

I have come to rely to much on events happening around me and I've re-imagined them at most points to mean something good. The question then becomes if I should keep doing this because it is working for me, or If I should look beyond to see if there is even greener grass on the other side.

I would like to think I have lots of potential but a lot of it is unfortunately wasted. How so you might ask?
I have relatively few things going on in my life, effectively I should even be able to do a lot of things in a days work. But I retreat into the comfort of not doing many things at all except whatever comes to mind in the moment.

But why?

I'm 25 years old, carpe diem for fuck sake.

If I look at what I have archived in a year. This is what I can imagine in a 365 days span:
*I have trained maybe 50-100 hours?
*I have travelled halfway across the globe and back
*I have played games up to maybe 300 hours
*I have watched media up to maybe 100 hours

Addeded up that is activity for 1 hour and 20 minutes / day. The rest of the time is spent doing what exactly? Here's some of my activeties that will add up a lot of that time:
*Socializing
*Partying
*Writing
*Working
*3d graphics

I only have work every other week, this opens up for a lot of possebileties. Time I can use to perform many feats that others simply do not have the time to do, but I spend it, recovering for the next work week while what I could do are things I love to do that will naturally empower me.

Here's a list of things that naturally empower me:
*Practice
*Film videos for my channels
*3d graphics
*Writing
*Gaming
*Eating healthily
*Having a clean home

And so I have decided to try to again to plan my time and recapture the essence of what I can be. I have always been inspired, perhaps envious of great leaders. Or what I percieved as such when I was young. Figures such as Silver Fang and Riki comes to mind. But they are not prominent figures in a grown up life. I have others I look at that I can learn a lot from and so I will now embark upon a journey to learn such a feat.

I hope this can further add to my personality and empower myself to become more driven and more responsible. As long as I have a source of natural empowerment I can rely on that when I'm in a steep slope.

It is nigh time to carve my path!

What is your best tips to keep empowered and how do you plan your time? Leave me a comment below!

Signed, Mireneye

Understanding

It is growing more and more alien to me.

The way people argue, the way people speak. You speak as if you know anything - even when all we "know" is based on foundations we have created. It is perhaps best cited by ancient philosophy just how wrong we can be and how ironic such a statement is. The words might echo in you already "All I know is that we know nothing".

Sometimes I find myself in arguments and in the past I have protected my views taking pride in teachings I have trusted. That of family, of close friends. Sometimes that of the internet, wikipedia or even random people.

But we are wondrous machines made for great things and great errors and I've come to always try to reserve myself for the possebility of having cited or understood something the wrong way. Or in some matters, being simply misinformed or mislead.

People seem very clingy to their right to be the winning side of an argument. Indeed it might even seem like being "correct" is the only way to win an argument. And bare with me now, this is my opinion and I might change it any any moment. I like my views like that, transcendant, always taking new shapes. But is it not possible that you can "win" an argument not by being correct but by being the one who take a change of heart?

Surely that should feel just as good but society, being what it is has the gold, silver and bronze mentality ingrained so heavily into our minds that equality has deminished.

Some brightheads coined the term which has become a classic amongst deep arguments. One which is supposed to impose a ground which both parts can settle things upon. I'm sure you've encountered the term "You can have your opinion and I can have mine". This is in a way a lazy but incredibly convenient way to put things aside if you simply can not come to an understanding.

You agree to disagree.

Understanding...

I talked about this before with friends that I think that almost all problems in the world can be traced back to either one of these things.

*Misunderstanding
*Not wanting to understand
*Twisted understanding

People misunderstand each other all the time. I recall one recent even in which quite obviously a person was seeking my attention and I was to wrapped up in something. And I failed to understand the importance. And the person failed to understand how to reach out to me.

Not wanting to understand often times can be attributed to pride, but also to many other things. Many of them deeply psychological. Not wanting to understand can also be a sign of someone being protective of their views about a certain things and they probably value it highly. I know at least one time I did not want to understand which had to do with religion and my ex. In retrospect, I was being incredibly silly. Not understanding is often times attributed to NOT WANTING to understand which in turn often times lead to quarrels or even wars.

Finally, twisted understanding is the manipulative evil brother of the above mentioned categories. It's an attribute I know. It was a road I walked unknowingly. A road I left long ago. If you ever felt compelled to something so much you will know what I mean. Twisted understanding is hearing one thing and interpretting it in a way that will twist things in your favor and using it intentionally againts people in different ways. We often twist things without realizing their destructive effects. This type can invoke anger, fear, tears. If used properly it might work for a time. But living a facade is not a way of life, not in my book.

I'm sure you have your own thoughts about what I just said, so please share them. I'd love to expand my understanding on this subject. Why people do not get each other baffles me even if I encounter and battle my own inability to level with people almost daily.

We know nothing. This is just my point of view, me finding a way through life, and if you so choose you can adapt or dismiss. Meanwhile I'l ready some garlic bread to celebrate our understanding.

Just some food for thought, speaking of food; Thinking makes me hungry.

Signed, Mireneye

Deep breath...

Take a deep breath and let it go.

It doesn't seem to matter 'what' in my life at the moment. But the only answer I find is to let things go. Just accept that they were there for a fragment of time and are now lost.

Accept that they have taken a form that is beyond me.

Just another deep breath.
One more day, puzzled as to the reason behind my feelings. How on earth did I attract this much negative? People talk about coincidences and chance and fate or higher purpose and meaning. But when all is said and done it should be simple to understand just why this is happening to me right now?

I just want to cry.
A friend of mine called it mentally exhausted.

I try to remember the lesson that I learned in Mexico. How things are always with and never truly lost. The memory is a part of you.

Well..

Bad thing I've got such a horrible mess of a memory. Piece of...
Yeah.

...

Frustration.

Sometimes it's even frustrating to be philosophical and open and bah.. who am I kidding? I'm just tired is all.

And if you read this and you are thinking... with this much negative-ness he is just bound to attract it all over.
Well I got news for you.. I TRIED really hard to be positive. But it just kind of fell flat.. At times I could actually feel it. Even if only for brief moments it kept me going but the battle has left me worn out.

Usually all I need is a small gust of wind so I can flex these wings and fly on my own. Not sure that is going to hold with wings that are torn to shreds, cut off and burnt. Weary of the battle.

I need more time by myself. Just need to endure two more days of work.

Deep breath, let it go - all these thoughs and feelings.
Turn around.

Just one more deep breath.

(NOTE: Realitically things have been better than this document colors it to have been. It is the effect of having my mind currently in a dark place affecting how I see events that has transpired but I have to speak my mind as I see fit to let things come to the surface however grim it may sound, it is how I feel now).

The latest night

I think i'm starting to slip again. Or maybe I've been slipping for some time. Being drawn closer to the imminent bosom of the dreamworlds that visit me every so often.

I've had.. periods in my life where I've felt almost more connected to the adventures of my dreams, perhaps it's an escape from reality. I was never good with reality to begin with, it's all a bit to rigid and explored.

Don't get me wrong there is excitement in real life if you have the energy and the means to look for it. To have a really fun adventure you need time and money. If you lack either you are in for a whole other type of adventure that might not be as pleasant.

It just happens every so often, much like the seasons change that I fall into a state where I'm just more aligned with my dreams. And I like it.

It's here in this state of mind that I don't feel restricted by ALL the normal things that I have not learned about life. It is here I can think freely. It is a mellow state similar to the one where I wrote Hexagonica - feeling like crap because of sleep deprivation and other circumstances.

It's just a very unique mindset in which I feel creative and really at home.

This seem to come with a certain detatchment, as I don't spend as much time interacting with people which in retrospect is a bit sad. But lifes race is long, I have plenty of time for episodes where the people are in focus.

For now the focus is in my head, divided between Hexagonica, Dynasthir and new ideas that have yet to fully manifest. I don't really have a place for new ideas but hey. Neither did Hexagonica or Dynasthir at first. They will find a place.

They always do.

Signed, Mireneye

About a girl

(Something funny to listen to for you while reading)


Dedicated to one rad girl.

Tonight you had me thinking hard, trying to remember. Had me pondering the times we had. But my memory, oh so selective has me lingering on the very essence of the moments and not so much the detail.

At Convection, my memory is like a mixture of emotion and experience. The highs for me was hiking to the rock, doing my routine at night and last and perhaps greatest meeting so many awesome and special people.

Among them, you.

And like the coming night, my memories fade into distant darkness but with one light that shines subtle but brighter.

We connected there and then.

I have no idea what we talked about, how it happened, or what looks or gestures we shared. But I know we shared a lot.

But it never dawned upon me, for I was most likely to afraid to even think the thought.
So let me quote a work of mine.
"This might seem crazy, but tis is usually such; That I've come to love you - so crazily crazily much"

This is not something that I realized tonight. You've been on my mind. And I know I told you but not sure you heard it right. But I've held in my mind that I don't want to cause any discomfort so I've kept myself at bay.

When you once said "kindred spirits" I was moved. You move me, and you move me more then my body wants to admit.

For it knows just how twisted things might get. And I'm sure you know this too.

I want to be straight with you and tell you. But I'm fumbling in the dark to find ways to express.

You are a clever and I'm sure you will figure things out and I have all faith in you. And know that whatever path you choose to go and if you want me to - then I will stay by you.

*Hugs*

Signed, Peter

Summertime

First I want to thank you all for checking back here every so often to read my updates. Secondly I want to apologize that I haven't wrtten in a while, there's a very good explanation however.

When I journeyed to USA I amounted so many things I couldn't keep up with and typing the blog became a chore and now I find that I don't have just as much time, the fact is I don't really make time for it at this very moment with everything going on in my life.

In my absence from Miles I hope to find inspiration of things to post and talk about. And I have all faith in the world that it will be marvelous!

I will start posting and take up Miles again in a close future and start posting more frequently but for now I'm taking a summer vacation.

Thanks for sticking with me, love you all!

Signed, Mireneye