Dash of artistry

I have such an extreme appetite.

I want to create, I want people to consume what I create. But will I ever stop creating what I want to create to create what appeals to the masses?

No. Not really. I have a vision and it's only worth fullfilling if I feel the joy of creation in and off itself.

I will contine to make things I think others of similar taste will like.

I also think that if this is my one chance. If the universe is finite, I want to dash madly to create, to be, to breath and to live life with every breath. Aah but I digress...

Sometimes my artistic visions are held back because I don't think people will understand or accept my darker side. But sometimes it's precisely those sides I want to articulate with the paintbrush of my mind.

On a personal level and on the stage I want to be transparent with who I am. Of course on a need to know basis. But as an artist things will shine through in some of the things I create, write like and repost/reblog.

Up until this point in my life I've been playing the chameleon in many situations. I've held back my word on opinions I oppose. I've stayed silent when words should have been spoken. I've been holding back. My body is a tool, a canvas. From now on I will attempt to paint it with colors of a more vivid spectrum.

We will see where I end up. But if I end up shocking someone, remember, if you ever cared about me before, chances are you read my blog and was warned ahead of time. It's not me, it's you!

On a final note. If I'm feeling creative should I go to sleep and hope the urge returns or should I stay awake nights upon nights knowing eventually I'll fall apart having created something amazing? I'm leaning towards the second option. That urge can be rare at times, and oh so very delicate. At the moment all I'm trying to do is just find a balance between the chaos and the order.

See you on the other side!

Signed, Mireneye

Hexagonica Renascence #01 - Prolouge

Hexagonica Renascence is a remake of my old short story Hexagonica. I'm going to repost here, an explanation of the original Hexagonica. It's a difficult piece to fathom. You'll understand when you read it. And lastly I'll post the new prolouge. Enjoy!

In addition I will try to write an additional short story covering the fate of one of the planes at a later date. Time to reimagine this old story with sharper language, better dialouge and wittier banter, and even more mindbending complete insanity.

Before you move on, Hexagonica, while unique in it's multifacetted nature, in trying to be... everything and nothing bares heavy inspiration from the wicked and the weird. What kindled the spark this time is a mixture of the excellent Night Vale podcast and a healthy dose of sleep deprivation and lots and lots of dreaming; And dare I say a great deal of sexual explorations?

Hexagonica in a nutshell:

One of my most profound pieces is the story of Hexagonica. With Hexagonica I crafted a world to play with freely in which no convention or boundary was needed. I was sleep deprived, probably hadn't eaten correctly in days and been really deep into philosophy and had a decent mixture of odd influences from games and movies when I started to type the first words of the story.

But what is Hexagonica? It is the beginning of a universe. A story meant to portray a certain kind of advent chaos that we really could never begin to understand unless we extracted a chunk of it and present it in chosen pieces. Reading the true "Hexagonica" story would be the equivalent of trying to see a hypercube.

And as you may or may not know, we can only project a hypercube into three dimensional space to approximate it. The same goes with Hexagonica.

Hexagonica doesn't have compelling characters, and the story arch and ending is a mess. It has a few clichés. It's actually trash, from a conventional point of view.

Having read it several times and having it spark numerous philosophical debates I've come to realize that the nature of the story that is Hexagonica transcends that of the paper it's written on. There is almost always somebody pointing out a new reference or a new philosophical point I never intended and as such those people shape the story as they read.See when I wrote it there were no rules I just wrote whatever came to my mind. In the end it didn't need interesting characters. It was "deep" enough on it's own.

Hexagonia Renascence: Prolouge

The Wind of voices, the Speaker of heart and the Follower of pathless prose displayed a trinity force bent on the fabrication of the fates of Hexagonica.

The Wind, known for a pitch perfect hearing of all life and their conditions. Reimagine the laws of nature in accordance with reality.

The Speaker, a proponent of Chaos, a stringent rule of love in cosmic proportion.

The Follower, a poet of unpedictable patterns. Forger of unborn infinities.

A splash of void spread like poison through the Voice the Wind and the Words. Conjoining the trinity into a multi dimensional implosion.  At the end, matter was unmade. The singularity died. And nothing thrived.

Then Nothing realized that it could not exist for it's own existance was truly paradox.  Denying all logic, because here it was. Nothing. For infinities across various non spatial dimensions Nothing remained questioning if something would ever happen and it did.

-Rock, paper, scissor anyone?
It's own voice emitting into the void.

-I must be crazy...

-No you're not.
Came the reply.

In unison was spoken a voice of passion, a voice of creation and a voice of law.
-We are a trinity. We have been divided before. Do we not remember?

-If that is true, we must have sought the Final Death, where we assimilate and fade.

The Follower echoes
-My statement stands, the Final Death is a trick. There is no such thing. I have seen the end of infinity. We are that which make nothing whole.

-Will this continue forever
The Speaker asked.

-It never began so it will always be.
Their voices resonated.

-Before all this we were always one, then as infinity got smaller we became two. And now... Look at us. What happened?

-The memory is lost to us.

-Blast it. You're only endlessly old and already senile.

-Calm down the two of you. Join me in reimagining what happaned and this time we'll turn the tide of Hexagonica.

Objectivity in transcendence of the present

Presently, there is fear. Presently there is anger, hate and confusion. And social, corporate media fight for influence, for likes and views. Fame and fortune.

I do no longer believe the key thing to be an opinion on what we should do. I consider it a fact that we as a species are facing a threat larger than any single person can handle on their own.

This is why standing together in this moment is imperative so we can live in a future where we can look back fondly and see how we all came together.

At this moment there's a great divide.

A divide between those who are more directly self preserving and those who would rather share existance even if we have to give of our wellbeing.

This is not the time for being divided on this subject. This is not a time to be having internal conflicts. It's a waste of resources, it's a waste of time. Yours and mine. We are in the middle of a crisis, and here you are arguing with each other.

It's painful to watch.

It's like the terror has already won. We all fear, it's the heart of self preservation.

With a shrug, cast away your doubts, your fears and your differances for but a moment.

LOOK into each others eyes.

And ask yourselves. "What can we do?" Not you, but WE.

In the face of survival. We need to act as one.

And I don't just mean you and your neighbour. I mean you are one with the refugees. WE are one with terrorism.

And only when we know ourselves can we work with ourselves. And knowing is the first step. The next step is exposing yourself to the solution.

Refugees are not a problem. Terrorism is. Exhale hatred from your mind and inhale greatness.

Unite.

Signed, Mireneye

When she wakes up...

When she wakes up in the morning I want her to know that she's wonderful. I want her to know in her heart how much I love, adore and look up to her. Her strengths, but also how she deals with weakness. 

How she looks at me, as if I'm special.

I want her to know that without exaggeration she's with me all day long from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Like a vibrant fantasy. The thought of her always close to my heart.

I'm lucky to drink from those delicious lips of hers. I'm lucky to get drunk from her kisses. Lucky to get lost in the trance of her mezmerising silhouette against a stark light.

She is special. And I mean she's a tad crazy but also very precious. A wild thing, a tender thing. A storm on a rainy day, a glare of sunlight throught the clouds. A force majeure drawing upon my honest naked self. Revealing but a man in love. 

A man who, is not a man. 

A man who become a beast, bursting inside with joy at the thought of her.

She awake such primal instincts deep inside of me, lighting a fire that knows no other way then to love hard. 

I want her to know that she has untapped potential and that life can flow in her favor. I want her to know that beyond that hedge is a new horizon. 

And that any road forward will take her there.

And her footsteps will carve a new path in the moonlit valley.

Love, Mireneye

Where am "I"?

Sometimes I wonder where am "I". I mean, me. What do I want, where do I want to go, is it necessary to go.. anywhere? Is it beneficial for me to want? Is the adventure more of a curse of unknown questionmarks?

Sometimes I feel hollow. Like I start to shutdown emotionally because situations around me start to feel empty by themselves. It might be sudden changes that can go from intense moments to almost eerily vacous. Within that space I find insecurity within myself and I start to ponder if it's me, if I'm the problem. And then I think.. Maybe I need to just let go, disappear.

Return to slumber...

Perish the thought! Return to slumber to me is synonomous with locking myself away behind an emotional barrier. To protect myself so I can fully devote all my time to the things at the base of my being.

But no. I've made peace with facing what eats away at my being. I've made a pact with myself that I should no longer shy away from my feelings. To shy away from who I am. Because the base of my being has become so much more. I trick myself believing that I can find solace in simplicity. I need to remember that..

 I'm an artist, I feel, I'm creative, I build. I'm loving, I love.

And I do so, so strongly that sometimes when the hollowness strike I too am covered in darkness instead of light. Where I want to stand strong, I find no strength. It's times like these I seek to others, friends, family, close ones. I might need a tiny something to build from. Hope is something incredibly small that we all can share.

I hope somebody will reach out to me in no specific manner someday and just tell me "You did good". Because damn you all! I did do good. At least that is what I believe.

It's the tiniest things that does it for me. Appreciation, hope, or simply reminding me of who I am. I'm Mireneye, and if I'm ever in doubt remind me that the universe is on my side. This will give me enough courage and energy to start working with myself and get back to my usual rhythm of life.

Signed, Mireneye

Dynasthir - A study on the nature of life

Trinity of life
Through the emerging knowledge of different practical fields of study within the Law of Chroma, Forging and Aomancy, desciples of the Torgate academy has began mapping out what is collectively known as the Essence of life.

One of the popular visual representations of life is that of a triangle. Each corner covering one of it's important aspects. The empty space between is believed to be very thin membranes, closely packed together. Their hierarchy and structure in how they tie together the cornerstones is vital to the corporeal and incorporeal form of the life they produce.

What seperates life from inanimate objetcs is the conscience which is formed from a higher number of membranes. Since counting the membranes with current avaliable tools privide difficult the density of a shard of Essence can be observed instead to provide a means of mesurement.

The cornerstones are all just as important but they come in sequence.

First there is matter, which is the realm of the Forging. In extreme situations matter can be constrained together. The physical and none physical facets of the membranes are then soldered together with an artificial force, Commonly used material to induce such a force include but are not limited to Skelathiné & Mytheriné. This process is considered illegal since it was banned after vile abuse during the Chaos war.

The Law of Chroma is tightly knit together with that of the Forging. It governs the innate arcane power of color. A physical item may still portray vibrant colors however the effect the color actually has on it's percievers is governed by the quality of the membranes. Like a muscle this Law has to be practiced to not wither. The simple fact that a lot of this cornerstone has fallen into obsurity in the later years of Dynasthirs history is enough for it to loose a lot of it's presence.

If the Forging and Law of Chroma are the building blocks of the physical aspect then Aomancy is the process projecting consciousness into life. An Aura, as you would call it lingers within all of the Essence Shards of life. An Essence Shard is a concept that does not deal in size but in potency.

The potency is a direct connection to the primal energies of which Ancients harnessed in order to grow to power.

To harness these energies, one must drop deeply in the ocean of the self in order to project the Aura outwards. It's an extension of life and conciousness, The knowledge of the holistic nature of the Shard needs to come as an innate reaction. Often this is triggered by a lack of emotion and emptiness. To be whole one must first be void.

An Aura can be vizualized by imagining certain membranes oscillating. And like striking a chord on a piano, notes octaves higher and lower vibrate along with it. Depending on the nature of the membrane the effect this has on the immediate vicinity might vary greatly.

The stream of thoughts as a result of interaction with the material world induce massive discord, introducing unnatural oscillations. This is why letting go is the first step to becoming whole. Aomancy is the art of diving into yourself so deeply that you cease existance for but a brief moment of time in order to reorder the weavelengths your consciousness operate on.

Essence
To the naked eye the Essence appears and acts very much like blood. It is necessary for all but Miasmic life to be sustained.

Nightmare
To understand Nightmares you must first understand that dreams are the result of the Aura. During sleep the Aura reach into Ailie, the Dreamer, Normally your Nightmares are self contained within your physical body. Rarely in the case of potent Aomancers or Ancients their Aura will go wild, while awake or during sleep. This produce what is called a Nightmare. It's a frame of existance temporarily drawing people into a form of Shard that exist primarily within your mind. The physical properties of the Shard are then all created by Sanyana catching the dream in the web of Ailie. It's theorized that Nightmare Shards might have a physical location somewhere in the sea of Miasma but nobody has ever found one. Shades are residents of Nightmares and can come in many shapes and forms. It's widely believed they are not actually native to the Nightmare but are rather attracted to the energies and are actually Miasmic beings.

Dark Chroma
Dark Chroma is the result of membranes wearing out completely. When a membrane breaks the Chroma pours onto the Essence. This is normally not an issue if it's just one or two colors. It just means those colors become unavaliable until and if new membrane forms. Rarely all the colors blend but when they do they produce an entierly Dark Essence. The Dark Essence then procedes much like a parasite, taking over the entire lifeform and tainting all of the remaining membranes. The process is irreversible and eventually will bring the inflicted to death.

Miasma
At it's most basic state the Miasma are singular enteties covering the majority of known space. This is called a Primeval. At seemingly random intervals the Great Shade emit a pulse that touch all Miasma not behind a protective Aura of some sort. This cause Miasma to clump together. These are called Clusters. When visible the Clusters look like mist. At this point the Miasma can form a hierarchy of Clusters and undergo what is called Transpiration. Miasma may then form simple life and develop a very rudimentary Aura completing the Triangle of life and fullfilling the requirement for conciousness. The resulting life form can then be ordered in classes, depending on their Miasmic potency. At a very high potency Miasma cease to act as an entity on it's own and become one with the Law of Entropy which is a direct result of the Great Shade.

The coloring of Miasma is directly tied to the Law of Chroma and the type can almost always be deduced from it.

Law of Entropy
The idea behind the Law of Entropy was first concieved during the high days of the Endukin empire, Ars Magnor witnessed the Shard tearing Miasma slowly tearing at the edges of reality. While observing he made the following assessment.

The Miasma itself and the source, being the Great Shade is not conscious itself. It is a force of nature. It may produce Life but is not part of Life itself. Miasma that undergo Transpiration gain a conscious that is an extension of the Great Shade but is not bound by it but gravitate towards it.

What then is Entropy? Entropy is defined as the influence of the Great Shade on the stable Shards. The influence tears at both the physical and the immaterial, slowly unravelling the fabric that enable life to form.  

Phasing
The Nekath, descendants of the Ancient Lévakir has the innate but dormant ability to break down to a self maintained Cluster enable them to pass through Miasma unscathed, this is called Phasing. When Lévakir brought the Nekath to life it did not base them around Essence, but around Miasma. To counteract the chaotic nature Lévakir constrained the Nekath to colors unlike those fashioned by Demon kind. And as such the Nekath could prosper on Dynasthir in relative peace with the other races.

*In theory raising the number of membranes within an object may grant it conscience.

A broken art

A broken art

Josh hadn't come home that night. The rooftop apartment was lonely and silent, only a vague humming too easily passed on as white noise could be heard.

And here I was, soloing in the couch, browsing for new toys to add to my collection on a brand new Ipad I borrowed off school.

With another tab I check the social media and the almost obligatory dating app. A picture of me was on display.

Claire Kelly

In the picture I'm close to six feet tall, I've got long jet-black raven hair. And within the bosom of night my eyes look almost green as they bounce off the moonlight.

The picture was taken on a summer vacation in Venice. On a moonlit night with life running through our veins.

And by "our" I mean Josh and I. We used to be so close. That was before all this.

Two years ago we met at a club called the Dark Desire. An old friend of mine, Juniper invited me over. It was a masquerade of sorts. Everyone was clad in costumes and feathered masks. Juniper made a point of creating a bit of an alter ego. A character.

It was the first time I would use the moniker Vanessa Lionheart, but certainly not the last.

My costume to which Juniper had meticulously helped me assemble was a work of art. I didn't quite perfectly match the lines like all those commercials on television, but her craftsmanship really brought out a voluptuous aspect to my body I didn't even know I had.

It' made me feel slightly uncomfortable but very, very sexy.

The location of the club changed every now and then. And invitations were only by word of mouth. I felt like I was walking straight into the mansion in Eyes Wide Shut. If you have not seen the movie all you really need to know is that under the innocent facade of  the name and the masquerade; there are things going on, things the outer world is better off not knowing about.

Things I was eager to get down and dirty with.

The white marble entrance was lit from the side and under, almost giving the archway with the open door an angelic appearance. If it wasn't for the little she-devils in the outer garden having a wild and bloody threesome it looked like heaven.

But I knew right from the start that heaven was not for me. I knew deep inside of me that I belong here with the dark and the twisted. Yet I hesitated. Juniper was long gone already inside somewhere and like an automaton I just passed right by temptations playground.

In my sudden state of confusion I heard a voice approaching from behind. A deep, raspy voice.
"Are you alone miss?"
"No I'm trying to find a friend of mine." I said as I turned around.
Suddenly two hands grab a hold of mine. And I'm met with the voice once again.
"You've found him." to which my response was an evasive motion I had picked up from an old military acquaintance. And then a well placed punch to the chin. "Don't touch me, if you ever touch me again I will defenestrate you!" I had meant to say castrate but thought it too vulgar. Call it a reflex. The guy had one of those simple yet elegant upper half, face masks. Leaving a pair of beautiful lips bloodied red and a curious but well rounded nose, he was dressed sharply not that it served him any good now. He fell on his back seemingly surprised. I added. "And should you ever talk to me again, you address me as Miss Lionheart, understood?"

The night still had a freshness to it. Like a fancy candy, Juniper was nice enough to join me moments later to unpack the evening in such a fashion.
"What's this?" She exclaimed when she saw the man slowly getting to his feet.
Before I could talk the man waved his right hand dismissively. "This.. Is nothing."
I looked at Juniper with the kind of eyes only a best friend can read.
"You tried to force yourself onto her you creep! I'll report you!" Juniper always showed such strength of character, but I was nothing less. "We will." I said reaffirmingly. "This can't go unpunished now can it?". The man made it to his feet.
"Don't report me, I meant no harm. I thought...", I Interrupted "Thought what? That you can just have at it all you like with anyone in here? Who do you think you are.. some kind of wannabe Christian Grey? the likes of you don't belong here."
"I thought you were someone else."
"That's a shallow excuse, where in the world..." He interrupted. "Behind you Miss Lionheart." I looked and there she was. almost a carbon copy of me. She could play my double any day. And then she opened her mouth.

While I carry my voice with a certain authority and respect, her voice was more like a stereotypical screamy teenager. "Ben!" She exclaimed, "Been looking all over for you, come here darling". Her clothes were similar to mine, but she was also clad in a complementary leather harness.

Argumentative paradigms

There seems to be two very strong paradigms that dominate arguments. One is the person who look at the big picture to him it matters what reprecussions something has in the long run. This person often find himself clashing with the other type who accept and doesn't categorize but rather think of things as being their own unique enteties.

I would love if I could be the second person. I like to take things at face value I don't want to have to think of the long term effects. alas I also can't unsee things.

This is really only a problem because society at large is made out of patterns. If we see someone being sucsessfull there is going to be be people who assume similar roles to reconstruct these patterns.

On the flipside there are moments when it's positive to look at things as their own enteties and not categorize or copy the pattern. This is a very free creative area. A person who thinks this way choose to see tiny neuances that change the nature of the subject. Hence they are often timees more adapt at analyzing the subjects unique properties. Something that the "big picture" approach sometimes lack.

On the other hand. The big picture approach will honor the interconnected nature of society. If we look at a puzzle. They act as the one piecing it together. While the others kind of get a bit too wrapped up in looking at each inidvidual piece which might seem ignorant to the outside.

Rarely do they mean to be ignorant, they may not even be misinformed. The core of this lies in how we process and sort information.

I said earlier that there are things I can't deny. Connections I can't unmake because I have this innate knowledge of cause and effect.

But at the same time I can also see how a lot of cause and effect like in physics is quite diminishing. We don't need to connect everything. We don't need to draw hard lines and borders. We don't need to set our foot down.

What we need is majority. If we think something is wrong we need to turn the tides. But to do so It's unwise to approach the world without understanding this concept which has become a cause for soo many arguments.

From now on I welcome both paths into my life. The freedom and realization that what we need is the majority of the puzzle in place, but relish in the fact that there is a acceptance for all those loose pieces and that they don't have to fit in.

Signed, Mireneye

Dedicated to Zion

A few months ago I started to seriously hang out with someone. Someone I actually never thought I'd be close to but somebody who I most definietly was interested in really getting to know.

Attraction as it were had other things in mind.

To say "it began" would be to neglect the entire history. But there's two outstanding moments to me that really started to cement this feeling.

One was sharing a movie(Many months prior) maybe I'll talk about that moment some other time, one was meeting at Hamnmagasinet randomly where we decided to hang out later that week.

I was visiting Umeå as by that time I used to live in Malmö so I was kind of on a short rope.
But we setup a day. And I was super excited.

When we met at her home, I think it's after that evening I started to sense a tingling sensation in me.

In any case.

Things went unexpectedly smooth. Next thing I know I was overcome by these profound feelings. Made aware of their prescence.

And now a few months down the line, I'm really enjoying our company. We laugh and have a lot of random fun. Dance, hug, stare into each others eyes for the longest of times and simply get a bit lost in each others company.

And today, it's her birthday. In the middle of a beutiful autumn.

While I personally don't care much for ages. The subject has become quite arcane to me. But to society there's something big going on. It's like suddenly growing an extra limb. The world opens up before you.

And so I wish to celebrate by saying:

I love this person, dare I say with passion.

"I'm in love, with the world at my feet and one foot too deep"

By that I mean to say that I'm head over heels. It's like I'm in a deep trance. You say you don't need drugs because you are drugs. And on this acid trip of awesome that you are on you've brought a passanger.

Me.

I want for you the best of days because you know what? I like you and I think you should have the best.

So today my gift to you is not a thing, it's not physical. But mental, it is more a tribute to all the awesome things we have shared so far and all the awesome things ahead.

I give to you a star. But not the kind you can see in the sky. Neither on the ceiling of my apartment.
I give you a star, It's a place that go beyond meaning and reason. It's a place for special and precious things. This star is a shared space. Whenever you want you can go there to meet me, I'll be there. I'll visit it sometimes to plant new seeds in our intergalactic garden, maybe I'll bring some garlic bread and Mojo Verde. Maybe I'll bring peace of mind.

I give you a star. Because you've become one to me.

-Mireneye

Sometimes I'm afraid

There's a great weakness inside of me. A fear deeply rooted.

It's not so much a fear of loosing something, it's not the fear of not being able to deal with life on my own.

It's the fear of making the same mistake. Over and over. The fear of not learning, the fear of ending up years down the road without having learnt a lesson or two.

It's a very real fear. I feel it gnawing inside of me when I'm at my worst. When doubt take hold of me and when whatever otherwise comforting thought runs off my body like water.

It's the fear of that dark twisted spiral in which I don't know if I'm strong enough to look at, let alone battle.

What can be done? It's one of the few things in life that has me shaken to my core. I'm afraid that even if I'm stronger now, It's not enough because it will always be there in the background. Unless I face it headfirst and defeat it.

If there's a silverlining to this post then it's in these words:

I'm here, I'm writing, I'm screaming inside. I feel silly I feel stupid. But one thing is certain. I have not given up. Giving up is something I was never good at to begin with. So there's only one way to go. I just hope I can soothe my passing somehow as I continue to tackle my inner demon.

Signed, Mireneye

Life efficiency

Ever heard the expression that the simplest explanation is most often correct? 

I hear it from time to time. But never stopped to thing "Why?". Why is it so? Is it so that we like to keep things simple? is it because the avarage human just doesn't think things through and would most likely not analyze the end result anyways and so we see no need to over complicate.

Is it because complications in and by themselves lead to confusion. Confusion leading to misunderstanding. Misunderstanding leading to bad juju.

Is it because if we complicate the required skill to perform the task at hand we set the bar to high.

Yes, yes to all of the above.

Is it because we are lazy? Nope. It's because we like to be efficient. Not everyone, but the avarage human likes efficiency.

Does the theorem then hold that "The simplest explanation is most often correct because it's the most efficient way to archive task X"

Yes, yes I would say so.

What then becomes our reasoning behind complicating life? Why do we spend so much time being inefficient with how we derive pleasure and well being from something as fundamental as being a living, eating and breathing organism?

Heck if I knew. I look at so many people, all over the world making things difficult for themselves. I do it too of course but I try to live simply so that I may simply live and so should you.

Just figure out, what do you actually need to be happy in life. Then decide how to reach it. Set a date. Not tomorrow or next week. An actual physical number.

As you go to sleep let the thought of it burn into your mind. Work towards making it real. Put at least a thought to it every day.

Don't be lazy, be efficient. Find the simplicity of living end enjoy!

Signed, Mireneye

I'm in love, With the world at my feet

I'm in love

I'm in love with a talented someone, a bright someone. A brutally honest but good natured, feet on the ground head in the clouds someone

I'm in love with a voice, a smile a touch

I'm in love with the playful games we play

And the wondrous journey we've walked

The things we've talked


I'm in love

With the curious things you say

And the curiosity we share

I'm in love

Deeply like the oldest stillsome forest

Wildly like a storm on the horizon


I'm in love

With the world at my feet

And one foot too deep


I'm in love

 And damn it feels good

Embrace me universe!

I was going to go to bed. Like four hours ago. I was going but some odd feeling kept me awake. I think a mixture of not getting 100% correct sustenance for the body in combination with a lot of screentime at the computer working on my game is having some secondary effects on me.

I guess emotionally as well there's an immense pressure that I try to manage while just throwing myself out there. Life has always panned out in some way if I just trust myself and bide my time, there's a solution waiting to be found and I'll keep looking around.

But yeah, eight or nine months back I thought I'd never say this but I kind of miss having a job. I don't miss any job per se. And I don't miss the long hours. I just long for a creative job where I can put in about three to four days a week. This longing might be a secondary effect of having no money.
I sire hope not. I don't like to think I'm motivated by money.

What motivates me then? Personal growth and gaining new abileties and experience of life. It's really that simple. Flashing money at my face doesn't work and I'm not going to sell my soul to get there.

I'll keep looking. It's out there somewhere, the greatest solution to my problems. Something that will satiate my desires.

Embrace me universe!

Drawn towards the flame

I'm drawn towards a flame

And I would fear getting burned

And I would fear the light

If not for my mastery of fire
If not for my sense of self

Temptations tear at me, I wanna go wild

But I dance carefully 

Until the time is right
I will unleash the beast inside

The adventure beckons
The light awaits

The world is mine
Not mine to own

But mine to experience

-Mireneye

In the light of fire!

Amazing photoghrapher Zion once again, this time capturing the moment with me after the years first outside bath, in light of fire: http://zionfoto.blogspot.se/2015/05/i-eldens-sken_27.html

Signed, Mireneye

I am the artist, I am the force. I'm the engineer building life outside the box!

I spit out a lot of fancy words. I try to sound educated hiding behind lingusitics and the ways different things can be interpreted. But why?

Why do I linger on finding and sharing meaning in what I write? Am I just flexing my artistic mucles? am I flexing my mind, showing off my verbal skills?

Am I in a hunt for appreciation?

Appreciation is a powerful drive. It can drive someone mad. It can lift you into a kind of higher gear. Sometimes breaking you apart, sometimes healing.

It's likely the majority of my insecureties all loop back upon the moment in life when I was about seven years old when a teacher told me "You will never become anything in life".

Today, I would spit on her grave & tell her that I have lived a life more fulfilling than she would ever know.

I've grown. I'm a force. I'm an artist. I'm the engineer building life outside the box.

The box was not big enough.

The world is my playground.

If I could give you one thing. A single hint at life. I would tell you now that The world doesn't wait for you. It will run away, it will hide. It will try to be outside your grasp. It will tear itself away from you.

It's like that friend of yours teasing you, poking you. Laughing kind of at you.

Know that you are powerful, you can laugh back. You can tease back, you can poke at life.

This life of yours so precious. It's yours to play with. So take it to the mountains, take it to the sea. Take it where it wants to be. Be it in the arms of a lover. Be it on the shores of philosophy and thought.

Life can be the best playmate you ever had. Make it so!

Check out these new amazing fire poi pictures!

As promised earlier this year, I had some things cooking. First up some pictures from a very talented photographer, go check her out and give us some feedback on these goodies. Much love.

http://zionfoto.blogspot.se/2015/05/eld-2.html

Signed, Mireneye

Manifesto to life

Strive to be an extension of what's around you

Whenever possible, leave things in a better condition than when you found them

Listen to the world, assent your desires & respect your kindred

Reap and sow, love is bountiful

Embrace you, you are holistic only in accepting your light & dark

Learn constructively from change & challenge, succsessful or not

When you burn with any emotion or thought, allow yourself time and commit to 

fully burn

Our expression is unique together

Aspire for a balance of strong goals and being open for the unplanned adventure

Breathing in the presence of sorrow

Sometimes you just got to allow a moments weakness, a moment of doubt to enter you. Otherwise we are pretty much like a corsette tied to tight to breathe proper.

And to breathe proper is to feel proper.

And like breathing we need to inhale all of it. Take a deep breath and let all emotions gather together. Only then will a fuller picture reveal itself.

Thoughts and feelings are often seen as singular entities but in fact, they are very much codependant on each other.

So when you take this moment to let go of your mental prison. And by allowing yourself this one deep breath full with meaning and emotion you can find beauty and strength in the experience and memories therein.

Ready for a deep breath? Here's how:

Inhale and as you do so let the first deepest emotions consume you, sorrow and pain. As your lungs expand you start to allow more profound thoughts binding them together. At the apex of the breathe you embrace the memories, close your eyes and see all the beutiful things about them. As you start to exhale it's almost as if the memory itself fades. But it doesn't. Open your eyes, and as you do so allow yourself to breathe out the negative and feel it leave your body. When the last air leaves your lungs, throw away your fears.

But don't linger.

One breath is enough. When you come down from it fully you'll know what you have to do.

Reherse this technique. Use the mental imagery provided. Feel free to modify it to suit your needs. The structure is inspired from mentalism. It might not be the optimal way but I believe it can be really helpful when you have thoughts that must be put to rest to avoid feeling the need to crawl up a wall or under a rock. At least that is why I designed it.

Signed, Mireneye

Transcend through co-existence

When I had nothing to give but myself only then did I find an incredible force to evolve, to repurpose who I am.

By deepening the understanding of my drives and the drives of those close to me, I've grown closer to everything. 

To say that friends and love and intimacy changes me is to undervalue what is actually going on. What is going on is not about change or the will to change. But an interaction of co-existance. It's like I'm shaping myself by allowing myself to be fully integrated with the people around me.

It's about rediscovering memories I never had. 

See every time we look back at ourselves and our adventure we can choose in what light we percieve. And through our minds eye we reshape the past.

The past is like a reflection of our now. It's affecting our core values and beliefs at every step we take. Because every step we leave behind is just that.

A memory.

A memory left in the earth where we walk. A memory left in the wind which graced our skin. A memory that will never be the same again.

That's how frail things are. But that is also the beauty of it. That is a maelstrom from which we derive conclusive evidence of who we are and what we are here to do.

Recently I've been in the company of people who make me truly transcend. People who have shared with me so many memories that otherwise would never have been mine.

This is me leaving a memory for them to say that I love you. 

Being homeless is the best thing in the world, & here is why!

For someone like me, it's been quite a journey going from somebody with a lot of security to somebody with bar none. But it's the best thing in the world and I'll tell you why.

One reason is my newfound appreciation of life.

From appreciating the helping hands of family and friends to something as simple as appreciating the smile of a stranger. Or wind rustling leaves, leaving me smiling in a storm of dust.

I learnt to fully appreciate that a good life doesn't need a lot of things. As long as you have good friends and family.

Allow me to clarify. I mean no disrespect to people who are genuinely homeless. Those I have the greatest respect for, especially now that I've gone through an episode in life of loosing track of everything, money, home & job. I can only hope these people have their own ways to find solace.

The second reason is humbling.

When I fell from my peak in life, only then did I realize how hard it can be to ask for help. I didn't find help in abundance, but somehow I made it out. I've come out humble and thankful. This is truly a testament to the quote form the japanese movie Casshern that "Existence is to be shared" and that "We are not here to simply exist, but to find the strength to co-exist". I just happen to be on the other end of the spectrum. I'm the recieving end. A very unusual place having basically grown up living on the giving end.

Which brings me to my next reason.

Realizing that giving never stops. If you have nothing you can simply give of yourself. And that my friends is perhaps the most profound and pure way to give. Offering to help with services, offering your piece of mind. Sharing emotive experiences with people.

I grew closer to A LOT of people, in part because suddenly all I had to give... was myself.

And I have rarely if ever been so happy, never before has the common quote "Less is more" rung more true.

Last but all important.

Starting out at zero with my own life has given me a lot of time to reinvent myself. Who do I want to be within a year or two? which people do I want in my life and so on and so fourth.

The amount of freedom I have at the moment is insane. I can practically wake up to a situation in such utter chaos that anything I want to become is at my doorstep. I just need to reach into the furthest crevice baring the manifestation I crave and take a hold of it and nurture it with holistic intent.

I am.

And I aim to become so much more.

Join me on the next journey. I'm sure it will be marvelous!

Signed, Mireneye

Reap and sow, love is bountiful

How silly are we to use all resources but the ones of which there are infinite? How silly are we to confine ourselves to only one person? How is it that in our society today we have made ourselves ridden with guilt for trying and failing to conform. As if being on a tight leash with society at the reins.

It's time we changed our reasoning to adapt a more dynamic view on life. The old model is built on prehistoric survival. Today society plays a large role in perpetuating monogamous relationships through all of our ingrown habits, rituals and media influence.

So I ask why not treat every new encounter equally, meet and build unique connections. Sexual or not.

It doesn't matter how it ends up.

Just listen to the world, agree with your desires and respect your kindred.

Reap and sow, love is bountiful.

-Mireneye on Relationship Anarchism

All of me

Allow me the pleasure to get a bit visceral.

Sometimes life decides to fuck you up the anal tract with a rusty old chipped steel pipe. And what do we do?

We show life that this ain't no prison, there's rules, etiquette, morals and a little something called humanity.

Now let me tell you about the latter.

Humanity is the smile you give a stranger. It's the pop of an all to apparent social bubble when approaching people. It is the feeling of belonging somewhere. It's saving worms from drowning in the rain. It's you and me, respecting each other fully.

No matter who you are. As long as you accept others.

Today I was rejected from life. Uprooted from my safe haven. Torn from a world relatively safe. Like a damaged cell, I'm trying to heal by going back to a safe state.

Knowing my past will bare one more scar.

I moved to the south in part because I met some of the most inspirational people I've ever met. Brave to live for what they believed in, beautiful in the way they create and excite.

I also moved because I have a desire to adventure and to at times throw myself into the unknown and let the world open up before me.

The issue at hand is a clash of two worlds. Even when I try my best, some people just have standards that just won't work with me. And I'm sorry I don't fit in their snug perfect box, no, wait; actually fuck their box with a cheese grater! I thought I could trust these super people. But it turns out once they break, they l loose part of their humanity. And the only thing they see is a mirror image of me, me, me. Unable to respect others efforts and good will.

I learned many lessons these six months. How to build walls, handle cement, how society treats people who strife to live of their arts, both on streets and from government branches.I also picked up a bunch of baby sitting skills, many clever everyday sentiments and I even picked up some cooking knowledge. I learned how there is a whole other world of people I think I do best to avoid living with.

Sometimes I feel like the only sane person. Yet I guess you'd think me insane for throwing away work, apartment and leaving friends behind to try live in this box. You have to understand, I was dead on the inside. Work was so close to breaking me. As my family was being torn apart (work related) and I had all but lost my muse. So I did what I always do, I try to find a way. And until a few days ago I believed I was slowly getting there. That I had hit rock bottom. A new slate. But life surprised me by kicking me further down. I really didn't think I'd be homeless, jobless and money less all at the same time. At least I'm not witless.

And I have beautiful friends and family with no real obligation who's ready to help out just because that is the way they are.

But allow me a moments fairness. I've had food on the table and roof above my head. I've tried to do what's in my power to help out. I'm sad that it wasn't enough because deep down I believed in this and wanted to help and be a part of it. Apparently I was not good enough to them even if I tried my best trying to hold onto all of the things I had in my head. Looking up how to start my own company, failed because it really bites you in the ass if you want to get a base income from Alfakassan. Looking for work was problematic and there was paperwork in abundance. I even started to brave the streets to try to earn back some money so I could more easily sustain my own living, that also proved a huge learning experience, and during my recent trip north, I even started to write a manuscript and plan for my stage show. In between I've kept up with work on my game, my writing. Tried to make Playjoy work but really couldn't. This may seem a story of many failed things and it is, but some of them were slowly falling into place. They.. I needed time. Time I would have had, had I listened to my own reasoning. But remember I was craving change in life.

That's maybe half that was going on. The other half was winter and trying to get on track with renovations on the house. Or taking care of it in the absence of its owners. But eeh, I don't really like to count favors but I feel I have to set an example.

I don't want to antagonize these people, I just want them to know I feel they don't understand me at all. And I guess at the end of the day I don't understand them.

I don't know how lowly I'd have felt If I ever had to tell someone without social and economical security to just vanish in a day. I'm not just a ragdoll to be kicked around.

They have said to care for me and their family.

Yet all this talk about caring for family is now but a cold, calculated shield to hide behind. It's comfortable to have someone to blame, isn't it?

Either way...

It's ungrateful to not at least help a visitor on his way out. But I'm not getting that either it seems.

And so I'm burdened to ask monumental favors from other family and friends.. And for what exactly?

But from this grave I'll forge a life to outshine the northern star.

Watch me shine.

And let my stars shine with me. You know who you are.

Signed, Mireneye

Phone blogging test

Trying out different apps to blog with. This one seems neat! Simple, effective. And works well with Swype. Look forward to more posts now that I can write easy on the go =)

posted from Bloggeroid

The greatest stories & why - Games #01

Demon's Souls & Dark Souls 1:
The souls series thrive on interpretation, leaving just enough for the imagination to want more but keeping out some of the bigger details. Another absolutely integral part of this is the environments which tell a story all by themselves. Together with vauge direction they form a very potent narrative. Another driving force is that every part of the game seems to have a heavy connection to a theme, invoking so much more character from the different areas.

Deus Ex 1:
Deus Ex is built around the premise of factions always vying for control. Completing enough objectives for any faction will eventually lead you to the end scenario. The key component they employ to make this fun and engaging is the ability to switch sides often (once per map?). This is supported by a strong personal objective that plays into the bigger picture seamlessly and brilliantly.

The Elderscrolls III - Morrowind:
Morrowinds greatness stem from it's complexity. While it's an easy base to follow: A prisoner is sent to Morrowind for unknown reasons but to do the bidding of the Blades (Agents of the King). But it grows in complexity while you get more familliar with the world. The story slowly unfolds seamlessly integrated with more or less optional guild quests. Before you are done not only will you have struggled through a religious narrative but also a political one. Between the cities, tribes & political parties there's a wide differentce in culture, laws and customs. Spice things up with an alien world with age old legends & an overarching plotline every so slightly coming together with every TESIII game where each game leads Tamriel towards becoming more and more unstable in it's state of existance.

The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of time:
Through the journey they foreshadow events and make phenomenal use of pacing. This is done through hitting certain checkpoints. Often times these are in themselves incredibly important with their own subplot. Like Saria becoming a Sage or Kakariko burning down prompting you to action. What really makes it tick is the games great use of symbolism and numbers. It really feels like a genuine legend. It has it's own identity with a rich world of unique and wonderful races and colorful characters. But perhaps most important of all is it's potential for taking dark turns. There's no lack of sad stories, dark & terrifying moments that stand as excellent contrast to the adventure.

The Longest Journey:
What makes TLJ special and unique is not only in it's execution and presentation as an adventure game. But it's how the pacing is phenomenal, how the characters are memorable, likable. But also how the world somehow seemingly tells you everything you need to know but still keeps the bigger mysteries intact. It has humour and it has grace. It moves through the narrative in a natural way. This makes it incredibly easy to loose yourself in the world so masterfully crafted. Every detail of the designs have been carefully and meticulously overseered, and this is something you don't just see on the screen. You see it in your mind, you feel it in your heart. You hear it echoing down the crevice of your soul.

End word:
I aim to make this a series of sorts. Analysing what I think made a specific game/movie/other type of medias story/narrative/lore great. Note that this is my opinion and is subject to change and you as I am entitled to my own opinion. On a final note I'd like to know your greatest stories and why. Leave a comment, let's get some talk going!

Signed, Mireneye

Feeling the magic

It was a night of triumphs in three parts. One part was the unfettered joy of being connected to all of you again. Another is the joy of knowing I've reached rock bottom. With nothing to loose, there is only one way forward. The third triumph is not quite so easy to explain. It is equally part of both but neither come close.

The third triumph is one belonging to the thought of a child. If you close your eyes you may feel it linger in the youngest crevice of your soul. It's the imagination of watching magic unfold for the first time, a phenomenon you can't explain. It is the triump belonging to hope that grows from purity of emotion. So pure, perfect and undeniably outside our grasp. If not for our fondest memories, and our greatest archivements.

Some people live entire lives without ever realizing such things. I've been happy to have experienced it many a times, one may call me lucky.

Never the less the last triump never stays for long. It's a flash, a feeling to fair to hold on to. And why would you? It's fragile and may break at the slightest touch, may crash and crumble upon a glance to long. Leaving you with an empty memory; Not more than another event in an otherwise ordinary and boring life. This triump is only great, because others are not.

Everyone who knows me, know that I have always believed that I'm here to do great things. Call it hubris if you want. But I never bothered to explain but to a handful of what great things I meant. Maybe I didn't know? maybe I still don't know.

But I know this.

The light is meant for everyone, It is a resource in abundance.
It's the damdest thing,

Waking up realizing that today is the day I change the world.

So when I say I'm here to do great things. I'm not doing them for me. I love feeling empowered, I love feeling that I can entertain. I love sharing. But that is also where it stops.

Where I stop... YOU begin.

Without you, everything is finite. Ambition without purpose.

But together we create, express and live magically. Infinitely.

Live for the triumphs, dare to challenge yourself. Inspire the mirror and reflection will pay aplenty.

It was a night of triumphs in three parts. As the third fades, its's brethren show me the way to my next stop, on this grand stage.

Signed, Mireneye