A year of miles: In quotes

A year of miles!



"I tend to come to this point in life from time to time
and I always face the same dilemma. It is not the
darkness that scares me, actually that silent, dark
corner looks incredibly comfy and safe.

Especially compared to going out there, knowing nothin, taking a
step forward, transending your very being and as such,
becoming something greater.

An evolution of the soul."

"Don't be scared to want something and to grab it. Don't
care so much about the world around you, it will follow
or not. What matters is your own dreams and goals.
I forgot my greatness at some point.
I'm on an adventure to rekindle that flame, if you're on
that path is all up to you."

"I grew up with a christian mother and an atheist father.
So I got my share of both worlds suffice, to say I always
kind of liked the good parts that religion wants to bring
forward but I've always disliked misdirecting belief in
yourself to belive in something superficial. "


"But the plane trip home felt like it was going to kill
me. Four hours to get to Cancun, Mexico, but nine and a
half  hours to get back! This silenced my excitement for
a while until something stirred up inside of me.
A sense of destiny."


"The breeze

You are like the air I breathe, the inspiration for my soul
It is your essence from which my wind was summoned

Like the leaf I rustled your cape
You never left me on the ground

Never alone

 Like that gentle morning breeze you have blown me
blown me away with amazement

Like the leaf I am

I let the wind take me far and even further I got
But not always towards the known

Now the seed you planted
Has settled - and will grow "

"But we are wondrous machines made for great things and
great errors and I've come to always try to reserve
myself for the possebility of having cited or understood
something the wrong way. Or in some matters, being simply
misinformed or mislead. "


"I like my views like that, transcendant, always taking
new shapes. But is it not possible that you can "win" an
argument not by being correct but by being the one who
take a change of heart?
Surely that should feel just as good; but society, being
what it is has the gold, silver and bronze mentality
ingrained so heavily into our minds that equality has
deminished."

"In fuzzy logic there are calculations that do not give
exact answers. While a linear explosion would give us
predictable results an explosion made with fuzzy logic
would give us a "chance" result at the very most basic
level. Assuming everything started with an explosion of
course. This means that our path is not predestined
because we are the result of a random seed. And as long
as time is not recursive, free will most definitely
exists. "

"Then I abruptly disturb the pleasureable soundscape by
rapidly tapping out my mind onto the laptop keyboard. It
seems the only road tonight is to put my mind to rest
through the dance of my fingers.

In harmony the soundscape and the dance blend into what
can only be the very essence of my sleeplessness. An
idea."


"But what is Hexagonica? It is the beginning of a
universe. A story meant to portray a certain kind of
advent chaos that we really could never begin to
understand unless we extracted a chunk of it and present
it in chosen pieces. Reading the true "Hexagonica" story
would be the equivalent of trying to see a hypercube."


"The new me has some dark memories of things I'd rather
never had been a part of, but they are overwhelmed by the
adventure that was the relationship. In such a way I've
grown more mature and more secure in who I am.
I've learned to become a better planner, a man of more
responsibility. I've started to walk the path that I've
always felt inferior to archive.
That is a victory!"

"When your under the ice you can't always appriciate
everything on the outside. The world might seem bleak or
the seasons in your life might seem stuck on a dead and
cold winter.

But the moment you break free you realize all the beuty
and light that was right there, a bare inch from your
very being. It's even been touching you for a long time,
just.. you were simply not ready to embrace and act upon
it.

But I'm ready. I've been for a good while, just didn't
know.. didn't think I was fully entitled to this gift.
The greatest gift given by the greatest of friends. The
ability and freedom to reach and become anything I truly
set my mind to."

Signed, Mireneye

In a world of fantasy and dishes

Once upon a time there was a young boy. The young boy had an immensily powerful imagination, he had a vision and a fate that pulled at his very being.

Slowly as he has progressed through the ages, he has learned that to make imaginary things into a reality one has to work, no matter how powerful you are it all goes to a waste if you can not pass it along to others.

To share with the world, that which lingers inside.

It's like using a muscle that you've never used before.. Planning and keeping a shedule, I find a lot of the time it goes against one of the principles of fun.

But it doesn't have to be that way. For one such as myself who arguable is in control of his own destiny, I should be able to find joy in almost everything.

I know the how. But I just might need to get together with the right people, people who can give me a push now that it is needed the most.

These are things I need to do. For myself, for others.
*Need to resume writing Dynasthir, I've got the inspiration but I need some direction.
*Need to keep recording content for PlayjoyGaming and keep improving the quality.
*Need to start fleshing out one of the concept ideas for the new style poi/circus videos.
*Need to make sure Casa is looking as good as it can, got to get back to the essence of the "old days".

And before you tell me that as long as I see these as needs they will loose their sense of excitement and it will be difficult to find the urge to do them. Well I get this with poi a lot. Sometimes you have to just push through a barrier to get to the fun part. It's part of life. I need to do this to feel a sense of fulfillment from life.

I could even make a decent budget out of what I have saved at the moment.
The time should be now! but in the wake of all this I'm not feeling the pull of my destiny. Perhaps there is something that I'm missing?

Signed, Mireneye

Briefly conceptualized

Wild, untamed, outside of control like fire.
Yet adaptable, flowing like water.
The balance of chaos and logic within.

This is me.

The humanity, part one

This post will cover a lot of things that are on my mind at the moment. I will try to keep it all somewhat coherent for your reading pleasures.

Today I realized some things about myself. My friend was talking to me and while I wanted to be interested I just felt my attention dwindling and slowly I just could not focus neither remember a word of what he said.

At first I thought it was just my mind acting up all stupid not being able to keep up with what he was saying but after having given it some though I realized it is at least partially because of my ability or one could say lack of focus.

There is however an instance that happens to me every so often that I have yet been able to explain. It's a similar state in which I'm completely focused in the moment but days afterwards I seem to have forgotten almost all the content of that moment but the essence stays with me.

By the essence I mean what stays with me are things like the general emotion if it was fun, boring, exciting.

I have blamed myself hard for not remembering these things.. I can't even begin to tell you how frustrating it has been for me at times to somehow having phased out things that are SO important to others.

I'm calling it "phased out" because I have no idea what to call it.

But there is a cure. The cure is going through the conversations in my head afterwards and also writing things down. All hope is not lost. I'm getting by, unless I forget to do this, which happens. But the occasions have gotten fewer.

In the end I choose to focus a lot of energy on this issue because it has ended up being something that people find very important. And I agree.

With almost having wrapped up that topic for now let's connect some dots and then move on.
What I meant by these thing being similar is the phasing. But in one instance I'm seemingly totally focused in the other I'm barely able to keep focus at all.

I need a second opinion to analyze this. I really can not understand why this is by myself. I tried. This was just yet another definition that I have found about what is happening to me.

I do the same if I lay down in bed to watch stuff. I can phase out even if it's practically the most interesting show in the world. Let's call it super-selective narcolepsy, and no... I don't know the actual definition of the word.

That aside... let's move on to another issue.

I promised myself never to fear feeling or to fear that particular feelings might destroy something. I promised so that I could always be true to my feelings.

It's not always so easy. These days I feel much more fragile and a lot more thankful for the wonderful days I've had. Luck has always seemingly been on my side but my faith in said luck is beeing tested more now then ever. It's almost like a curse has befallen my family.

But I have stood strong, perhaps to long. Every day that passes I almost feel like I'm on the edge of crying, I never feel far away from it. Yet somehow I don't. There's a core fragment in my very being that keeps me stable.

But there are things to be happy about, the little light there is has a tendency to shine the brightest when it is needed the most. How convenient.

And it is within that speck of light that I relish my being.

It is here that I will find my strength again.

The seal is broken

I haven't exactly have had much time to write here for a while. But also my life has been in a state where I have not really had much to talk about.

It's been a time of actions.. not a time of words.

I've worked and even oddly enough enjoyed work. I've developed some more skills in my different areas. just a bit slower then I thought. No matter how much I want to, I can't be too greedy with time. As long as I bide my time and keep trying, good things are bound to happen!

You might be wondering what changed and why I decied to write tonight. Well it's a mixture of things actually.

For one I'm in that perfect tired and creative mode but I really can't do much else at this moment. The other reasons are a mish mash of having some really good feelings coursing through my body and a complete enjoyment of life in the moment.

The final piece is how I somehow feel as if an elderly curse has been lifted. Somehow a heavy coinscience - elevated from the chains which imposed a great burden upon my body and mind.

It has not been a darkness as much as it has been a shroud that has loomed in me for a long time, effecting me on a daily basis.

Perhaps it's a halo-like effect and I'm just happy enough to be blind to all the negative.

But if it is so what? what matters is the now. I have been carving my path slowly my friends. I have come to realize just how many chances make my way and I'm grateful for every one of them that I can fathom. Meeting certain people, doing certain things.

It all collapses together into the unity that is my future, and right now it's looking very, very bright.

Signed, Mireneye

Carving a path

Ever since I was handed the option to simply live I have done so. I'm one of those lucky who have had a family who have supported me and handed me an easy way through my early years.

I can not deny what has been and what is now and what that has made me into. But I can recognize it as something.

Something good and something bad.

I have come to rely to much on events happening around me and I've re-imagined them at most points to mean something good. The question then becomes if I should keep doing this because it is working for me, or If I should look beyond to see if there is even greener grass on the other side.

I would like to think I have lots of potential but a lot of it is unfortunately wasted. How so you might ask?
I have relatively few things going on in my life, effectively I should even be able to do a lot of things in a days work. But I retreat into the comfort of not doing many things at all except whatever comes to mind in the moment.

But why?

I'm 25 years old, carpe diem for fuck sake.

If I look at what I have archived in a year. This is what I can imagine in a 365 days span:
*I have trained maybe 50-100 hours?
*I have travelled halfway across the globe and back
*I have played games up to maybe 300 hours
*I have watched media up to maybe 100 hours

Addeded up that is activity for 1 hour and 20 minutes / day. The rest of the time is spent doing what exactly? Here's some of my activeties that will add up a lot of that time:
*Socializing
*Partying
*Writing
*Working
*3d graphics

I only have work every other week, this opens up for a lot of possebileties. Time I can use to perform many feats that others simply do not have the time to do, but I spend it, recovering for the next work week while what I could do are things I love to do that will naturally empower me.

Here's a list of things that naturally empower me:
*Practice
*Film videos for my channels
*3d graphics
*Writing
*Gaming
*Eating healthily
*Having a clean home

And so I have decided to try to again to plan my time and recapture the essence of what I can be. I have always been inspired, perhaps envious of great leaders. Or what I percieved as such when I was young. Figures such as Silver Fang and Riki comes to mind. But they are not prominent figures in a grown up life. I have others I look at that I can learn a lot from and so I will now embark upon a journey to learn such a feat.

I hope this can further add to my personality and empower myself to become more driven and more responsible. As long as I have a source of natural empowerment I can rely on that when I'm in a steep slope.

It is nigh time to carve my path!

What is your best tips to keep empowered and how do you plan your time? Leave me a comment below!

Signed, Mireneye

Understanding

It is growing more and more alien to me.

The way people argue, the way people speak. You speak as if you know anything - even when all we "know" is based on foundations we have created. It is perhaps best cited by ancient philosophy just how wrong we can be and how ironic such a statement is. The words might echo in you already "All I know is that we know nothing".

Sometimes I find myself in arguments and in the past I have protected my views taking pride in teachings I have trusted. That of family, of close friends. Sometimes that of the internet, wikipedia or even random people.

But we are wondrous machines made for great things and great errors and I've come to always try to reserve myself for the possebility of having cited or understood something the wrong way. Or in some matters, being simply misinformed or mislead.

People seem very clingy to their right to be the winning side of an argument. Indeed it might even seem like being "correct" is the only way to win an argument. And bare with me now, this is my opinion and I might change it any any moment. I like my views like that, transcendant, always taking new shapes. But is it not possible that you can "win" an argument not by being correct but by being the one who take a change of heart?

Surely that should feel just as good but society, being what it is has the gold, silver and bronze mentality ingrained so heavily into our minds that equality has deminished.

Some brightheads coined the term which has become a classic amongst deep arguments. One which is supposed to impose a ground which both parts can settle things upon. I'm sure you've encountered the term "You can have your opinion and I can have mine". This is in a way a lazy but incredibly convenient way to put things aside if you simply can not come to an understanding.

You agree to disagree.

Understanding...

I talked about this before with friends that I think that almost all problems in the world can be traced back to either one of these things.

*Misunderstanding
*Not wanting to understand
*Twisted understanding

People misunderstand each other all the time. I recall one recent even in which quite obviously a person was seeking my attention and I was to wrapped up in something. And I failed to understand the importance. And the person failed to understand how to reach out to me.

Not wanting to understand often times can be attributed to pride, but also to many other things. Many of them deeply psychological. Not wanting to understand can also be a sign of someone being protective of their views about a certain things and they probably value it highly. I know at least one time I did not want to understand which had to do with religion and my ex. In retrospect, I was being incredibly silly. Not understanding is often times attributed to NOT WANTING to understand which in turn often times lead to quarrels or even wars.

Finally, twisted understanding is the manipulative evil brother of the above mentioned categories. It's an attribute I know. It was a road I walked unknowingly. A road I left long ago. If you ever felt compelled to something so much you will know what I mean. Twisted understanding is hearing one thing and interpretting it in a way that will twist things in your favor and using it intentionally againts people in different ways. We often twist things without realizing their destructive effects. This type can invoke anger, fear, tears. If used properly it might work for a time. But living a facade is not a way of life, not in my book.

I'm sure you have your own thoughts about what I just said, so please share them. I'd love to expand my understanding on this subject. Why people do not get each other baffles me even if I encounter and battle my own inability to level with people almost daily.

We know nothing. This is just my point of view, me finding a way through life, and if you so choose you can adapt or dismiss. Meanwhile I'l ready some garlic bread to celebrate our understanding.

Just some food for thought, speaking of food; Thinking makes me hungry.

Signed, Mireneye

Deep breath...

Take a deep breath and let it go.

It doesn't seem to matter 'what' in my life at the moment. But the only answer I find is to let things go. Just accept that they were there for a fragment of time and are now lost.

Accept that they have taken a form that is beyond me.

Just another deep breath.
One more day, puzzled as to the reason behind my feelings. How on earth did I attract this much negative? People talk about coincidences and chance and fate or higher purpose and meaning. But when all is said and done it should be simple to understand just why this is happening to me right now?

I just want to cry.
A friend of mine called it mentally exhausted.

I try to remember the lesson that I learned in Mexico. How things are always with and never truly lost. The memory is a part of you.

Well..

Bad thing I've got such a horrible mess of a memory. Piece of...
Yeah.

...

Frustration.

Sometimes it's even frustrating to be philosophical and open and bah.. who am I kidding? I'm just tired is all.

And if you read this and you are thinking... with this much negative-ness he is just bound to attract it all over.
Well I got news for you.. I TRIED really hard to be positive. But it just kind of fell flat.. At times I could actually feel it. Even if only for brief moments it kept me going but the battle has left me worn out.

Usually all I need is a small gust of wind so I can flex these wings and fly on my own. Not sure that is going to hold with wings that are torn to shreds, cut off and burnt. Weary of the battle.

I need more time by myself. Just need to endure two more days of work.

Deep breath, let it go - all these thoughs and feelings.
Turn around.

Just one more deep breath.

(NOTE: Realitically things have been better than this document colors it to have been. It is the effect of having my mind currently in a dark place affecting how I see events that has transpired but I have to speak my mind as I see fit to let things come to the surface however grim it may sound, it is how I feel now).

The latest night

I think i'm starting to slip again. Or maybe I've been slipping for some time. Being drawn closer to the imminent bosom of the dreamworlds that visit me every so often.

I've had.. periods in my life where I've felt almost more connected to the adventures of my dreams, perhaps it's an escape from reality. I was never good with reality to begin with, it's all a bit to rigid and explored.

Don't get me wrong there is excitement in real life if you have the energy and the means to look for it. To have a really fun adventure you need time and money. If you lack either you are in for a whole other type of adventure that might not be as pleasant.

It just happens every so often, much like the seasons change that I fall into a state where I'm just more aligned with my dreams. And I like it.

It's here in this state of mind that I don't feel restricted by ALL the normal things that I have not learned about life. It is here I can think freely. It is a mellow state similar to the one where I wrote Hexagonica - feeling like crap because of sleep deprivation and other circumstances.

It's just a very unique mindset in which I feel creative and really at home.

This seem to come with a certain detatchment, as I don't spend as much time interacting with people which in retrospect is a bit sad. But lifes race is long, I have plenty of time for episodes where the people are in focus.

For now the focus is in my head, divided between Hexagonica, Dynasthir and new ideas that have yet to fully manifest. I don't really have a place for new ideas but hey. Neither did Hexagonica or Dynasthir at first. They will find a place.

They always do.

Signed, Mireneye

About a girl

(Something funny to listen to for you while reading)


Dedicated to one rad girl.

Tonight you had me thinking hard, trying to remember. Had me pondering the times we had. But my memory, oh so selective has me lingering on the very essence of the moments and not so much the detail.

At Convection, my memory is like a mixture of emotion and experience. The highs for me was hiking to the rock, doing my routine at night and last and perhaps greatest meeting so many awesome and special people.

Among them, you.

And like the coming night, my memories fade into distant darkness but with one light that shines subtle but brighter.

We connected there and then.

I have no idea what we talked about, how it happened, or what looks or gestures we shared. But I know we shared a lot.

But it never dawned upon me, for I was most likely to afraid to even think the thought.
So let me quote a work of mine.
"This might seem crazy, but tis is usually such; That I've come to love you - so crazily crazily much"

This is not something that I realized tonight. You've been on my mind. And I know I told you but not sure you heard it right. But I've held in my mind that I don't want to cause any discomfort so I've kept myself at bay.

When you once said "kindred spirits" I was moved. You move me, and you move me more then my body wants to admit.

For it knows just how twisted things might get. And I'm sure you know this too.

I want to be straight with you and tell you. But I'm fumbling in the dark to find ways to express.

You are a clever and I'm sure you will figure things out and I have all faith in you. And know that whatever path you choose to go and if you want me to - then I will stay by you.

*Hugs*

Signed, Peter

Summertime

First I want to thank you all for checking back here every so often to read my updates. Secondly I want to apologize that I haven't wrtten in a while, there's a very good explanation however.

When I journeyed to USA I amounted so many things I couldn't keep up with and typing the blog became a chore and now I find that I don't have just as much time, the fact is I don't really make time for it at this very moment with everything going on in my life.

In my absence from Miles I hope to find inspiration of things to post and talk about. And I have all faith in the world that it will be marvelous!

I will start posting and take up Miles again in a close future and start posting more frequently but for now I'm taking a summer vacation.

Thanks for sticking with me, love you all!

Signed, Mireneye

The end of my journey

Around the fourteenth of May I left my city in Sweden.

And now that my journey is approaching it's end after around five weeks. It's hard for me to put in words, all the feelings welling up inside of me and all the experiences I've had.

I have not been able to keep up with the blog at all. What I have here is a speck of my adventure. But I have some stories I'd will portray but it's unlikely I will record entire festivals or days as I have tried to do so far.

I have so many great memories, so many people who have become eternal to me.
People I have come to love and cherish.

This is for you!

---

The breeze

You are like the air I breathe, the inspiration for my soul

It is your essence from which my wind was summoned

Like the leaf I rustled your cape

You never left me on the ground

Never alone

 Like that gentle morning breeze you have blown me

blown me away with amazement

Like the leaf I am

I let the wind take me far and even further I got

But not always towards the known

Now the seed you planted

Has settled - and will grow

---

Signed, Mireneye

Mireneye - Convection show

Enjoy!

Signed, Mireneye

The lost diary: Part one

Day one, 05-03-2012

I woke up, early in the morning around the same time as my friend Xidor, having promised him I would help him to load todays batch of QLTR onto a truck to be distibuted.
Waking up that day was about as hard as getting a rock to dance polka. That morning I felt horrible and I would rather have stayed under the confort of my sheath, but oh well, a promise is a promise and I'm happy I was able to dance polka after a few initial dodgy steps in the early morning hour.

We took the buss downtown to get the Europecar truck.

While downtown we stopped at Preem to get a quick snack. We ended up waiting 25 minutes while they were fixing the cash register. We were getting terribly late.

While waiting Xidor decided to get the truck, I stayed there, talking to the people behind the counter.

Xidor finally returned and we set off for the press where they print QLTR and many other papers. On location we were informed that the paper would not be avaliable until 02:00 sen PM. Such a huge drag!

We made our way back to culture house KF Kretsen to diliver the bad news.

At Kretsen I had a lengthy talk to Kari, I've never seen her so stressed out, I think I was able to
give at least a tiny bit of comfort, and if so I'm happy I could.

I accompanied Kari and the others to culture lunch. Thought I could snug it in before having to clean for the roleplay session of the night. The topic of the day was mostly concerning "Scharinska" and how it's always been the frontier of odd culture. In my honest opinion "Scharinska" needs to be closed down for a time and given a small makeover to make it more fresh. But I absolutely think Umeå should keep it. It just needs a bit of love.

After the pleasant but maybe a bit long winded culture lunch I went to the store to buy something for the nights roleplaying session. My mind, tabula rasa as it was at the time concerning what treats to bring to the table I was happy to find Angelinn at the store.

Angelinn, first time I met her was before going to Finland to purchase the arcade dance machine that now resides in my apartment. They both work and take care of Rent a wreck, Umeå.

My mind blank as it was, already struggling to find something tasty, so I figured I'd ask her about advice.

She reccomended getting nachos, fresh guacamole and baby carrots and cucumber. Having never actually tried that combination, hell I never even tried guacamole and I kind of don't get the idea with avocade but I thought why the hell not? She was happy I took her advice, saying people rarely do.

And again I'm DAMN happy I did. It was the freshest,tastiest thing since chocholate bacon chip cookies in 2008. Aside from the "freshest" part, this was defnietly "fresher".

When we exited the store more or less in unison I told her about my futre trip to the US and I showed her what I was going to do there (poi) and even got her to try some. I think she could learn it pretty damn well. There's definietly potential there.

You know, on a sidenote It's weird, last time I met Angelinn was also on QLTR paper dilivery day.
Curious.

When I got home Chi called me and cancelled because she had promised some friends that she was going to play Mahjong with them, ok, then Jew (another friend of mine) had to work so we ended up not playing any pnp roleplaying games that day. Oh well.

I decided to go to thursdag practice at hamnis instead

---

Day two. 06-03-2012

I don't remember how I woke up but I woke up with LOTS of energy so I decided to do some cleaning.

Later that day I played ITG at my place with Manny (another made up name for the blog). Lots of fun! I think I have a picture of it somewhere. I will dig it up and update the post later.

I kept playing until later that evening when Zion, a female friend of mine came by. I grabbed a quick shower and then refurbished the bed into a sofa-ish setup. We watched the movie "Homeward bound" and cuddled and hugged, it was super sweet.

We shared the guacamole and the nachos from yesterday and after the movie was done we talked and I followed her the majority of the way home in the refreshing but cold rain. When I came home I crashed in my sofa with a wide smile on my face.

---

Day three. 07-03-2012

Messaged Chi about lunch downtown, she had just started preparing bread, and V was just about to slice a piece of cheese.
We decided to meet downtown at Café station. After a brief dicussion I grabbed V and had a good big hamburger at Frasses while Chi prepared Mahjong at the cafe.

When we got back we played Mahjong with V's sister and a girl I can't for my life remember the name of.

Quite early Sirn joined us and we played for, what was it.. six hours? Got a really mushy mind.
When we were done we all went to Megazone and had a bite. Planning our next step.

We also played some games at Megazone, I played some flipper with Sirn and then I tried the terminator game for the first time with Chi not too shabby I have to say! But she did own my ass, score wise, revenge my dear! It will rain down upon you!

We then decided to watch a movie at my place so we went by car to buy and collect some stuff, resulting in this over the top cool mix:

                                                    The cacti was especially tasty!

And a bonus pic of me preparing the quacamole:

We watched the movie Chronicle, don't ask, don't even read anythig about it and do NOT watch the trailer, it will ruin the entire movie! it's a good movie! Entertaining and different. That's all you have to know. Trust me. The ending is a bit cliché but meh, the ride is what's important.
After that we watched an episode of the anime "Eden of the east".

This reminded me so much of when I was young and watched anime with friends in Överklinten, sooo nostalgic and soo happy!

---

Day four. 08-03-2012

We finally got to start making roleplaying characters Kapow!

---

NOW. 13-05-2012

Sorry that this post was so long overdue. There was to much awesomeness happening at the same time but here it is finally, reporting from the US. These days meant the world to me. I love you all!

Mireneye over and out!

Signed, Mireneye

A weekend in revelation

I'm not sure how to tell this story, so I might just as well start somewhere.

There are so many different things happening to me at the same time now. Trying to speak about it feels overwhelming and difficult.

I wish I could just shoot the feeling right at you through the screen. Just for a short while, so you know what I'm feeling. But I will try to do my best to avoid shooting and keep it to words as best as I can. No promise it will be without any bullets, just saying.

 There is a certain ambivalence to my feelings that I'm pretty certain I can explain.

On one hand I'm incredibly inspired, hyped, energetic and I have learned so many new things. Started learning dragon staff, learned some yoga practices, found a nice concept with a contact ball that I can play with. Began learning the "steve" with staff, basic toroids with poi and basic quarter arms motions. Last but not least, basic puppyhammer. And these are only the things that "feel" most significant to me. There are MANY other things floating around.

On the other hand I miss home in the sense that I'm starting to miss my friends at home, I miss my cat. I also miss mom and dad and I miss inspiring people to new heights. I'm also trying to deal with a bit of an emotional situation. The short rundown is this, I'm in an arrangement of sorts, but I'm actually starting to feel that it is holding me down and I strongly dislike that feeling. Especially right now when my mind is kind of divided. I feel sense of loyalty to my arrangement but my mind is still wandering off in other directions. It's not something I can avoid, it's just there. And I can't act freely upon it.

On a sidenote. My adventure was looking quite grim a few days ago with too little money to complete either of my bigger projects. And suddenly I got an offer to join the festival Convection. I ended up with a free ticket and a free ride. I have no idea why these wonderful people are so wonderful to me but I feel wonderful and I want to really do wonderful things back, but I somehow come up short in knowing how. I just trust in my own positive self for now and I think it will return by itself in time.

And you know what else? without even thinking about it specifically I ended up getting lots of footage for a new video. How can THAT many things just fall in place before my feet? It's not fate or chance. Call me a freaking hippie for saying this but I might be humble but damn, we are powerful beyond reason!

I have an entire post that details my Convection experience, with pictures. Just waiting to get them while polishing my story. I'm slowly catching up with my blog. I have a bunch of posts in the making atm that cover a lot of my adventure.

But that is kind of where I'm now, trying to decide what to do emotionally so I can think more clearly.

Signed, Mireneye

Peanut butter & tequila #01

And there I was at the Vulcan in Oakland with a budget as tight as, well let's not get to visual. Thinking to myself that I don't have the money to support my journey to the Mexico because any flight I could find would end up in taking to much time or being in the wrong day. Damn it all! I thought to myself, I should have planned this step ahead.

A day passed as I got closer and closer to the date of Flame Master Fest when I finally found a trip that didn't strip me of all the money I had and would leave me with more or less exact the amount I needed to enter the festival plus a few usd to keep me alive for some days before my salery.

But the plane trip home felt like it was going to kill me. Four hours to get to Cancun, Mexico but nine and a half  hours to get back! This silenced my excitement for a while until something stirred up inside of me.

A sense of destiny.

Faces of the people back at home flashed before my eyes, somehow drawing upon the strength of knowing that if I didn't fulfill my destiny I would not be able to return from my travels with the same sense of fulfillment.

I knew then because of their help, what I had to do. I ordered that ticket, took a leap into the unknown and didn't look back.

Actually I didn't look back until I sat there at the airplane a few days later, peering through the window trying to construct visuals of clouds. This is when I saw that we were flying right over the desert.

I had never seen a desert before it felt so alien somehow, sand as far as the eye could see. It all felt very surreal.

Immigration was kind of smooth. Immigration to the USA is a lot more painful. Much to my surprise almost nobody talked English, even a surprisingly few at the airport talked English.

After getting my bearings for a few minutes I've finally found an atm and the buss ride. While waiting for the buss to leave for Playa del Carmen I did some poi to releave some of the eagerness I was carrying around.

This is when I met a girl I will henceforth refer to as Suzie. I asked if she wanted to sit together in the buss and have a talk, socialize.

Suzie is a sweet girl who used to live in Mexico who travels a lot and is currenctly working on her masters at university. She's also an amateur fire spinner, she tells me how in Mexico it's not about your flow, its' about having a beutiful essence. A notion I have come to adapt myself since flow never really stuck to me.

When we finally arrived at Playa del Carmen she helped me get my bearings to find the camping spot and more or less put me in a cab without any way what so ever for me to communicate with the taxi driver. I just trusted her and you know what? it all worked out.

After a brief moment of confusion about where to go and where to be I found the camping and I also found two beutiful souls by the name of Jay and Elliot of whom I got the wonderful honor to stay with for a few days during the festival.

An hour or so into the night the opening ceremony was on, presented by Atomic Weight I have some pictures from the show that I'll post later so keep checking back if your interested.

After the ceremony, later that night it rained like there was no tomorrow and in the damp air there were huge bugs flying around everywhere, getting too heavy to fly, they crashed to the ground, raining down around us.

I had read about bugs raining down from the sky in a book when I was a child, but I never imagined I would witness or be a victim to it myself. I recall waking up while sleeping in the tent, several times from bugs crashing into the tent. Quite horrifying.

Signed, Mireneye

Picture dump

I will add context to these images in time. But for now Im just securing them while I continue the adventure.

Lost in Chicago

Prolouge
The new adventures of Mireneye in the land of USA begins with an unlikely turn of events and continue to do so. In Stockholm I finally found a place to stay for the night at my old friend Progma's new apartment.

Tried playing Killzone 3 on his 3d setup with one of the gun peripherals for the PS move. Didn't go very well but it did go better then I expected it would. Early morning I made my way back to Arlanda for the flight to Chicago. The first stop of my travels.

Day one:

For those who don't know you have to have the name of the first place of residence you will stay at to enter once you get to the US. Here's how I passed:
G is Guard
P is Me

G: It says here on your paper that your going to "Destiny"? Where would that be?
P: I don't know sir but I'm going to find out.
G: (Smiles) Allright, well good luck!
P: (Smiles back) Thank you and have a wonderful day.

When I got to the Airport I was going to get picked up by a peron who didn't show up. I waited for a few hours just in case there was some problem. The person ended up having other important matters to attend to so I was left to reschedule my adventure.

I couldn't really think with all the people around so I decided to find a more silent and tranquil spot to plan my next move. After a while I found a spot but there was a girl sitting there already. I asked her if it was ok if I sat down for a while, she seemed sad for some reason.

After having sat down I asked her "Excuse me for asking but why are you sad?" to which came the reply "The customs were really mean to me". And we had a brief talk about how they can be real jerks sometimes. After our talk and briefly hanging out chilling for a while I felt more confident about my next step and she had regained a smile on her face.

After that I visisted the tourist information booth downstairs to check if there was a cheap hostel I could live at for the night days. After almost two hours of trying to find a cheap enough place I found a 33USD spot living with randoms in a room at the Getaway hostel. I wouldn't have been able to do this if it wasn't for the awesome personell at the tourist info. He really went out of his way to help me out, calling, waiting, fixing all while helping other people with their issues as well. The second hero of the day.

But let's not forget that I met at least one other "hero" that day. The last one was an old war veteran who stayed in the same room as me. He told me fascinating stories about war and being in the military and travelling a lot. A very wise man I believe I could sit there and listen to him for hours. Such a great character

But I'm getting ahead of myself, sorry.

A few minutes ago I was still at the counter paying for my first night and getting my bearings on what's happening. Apparently people were gonna gather around and go to a local pub and party.

So I left my stuff at the room, listened to some stories and then went for a quick shower before heading out.

Nick the Aussie of the night, Phil and Daniel and Ross. And me went out for the pub together.
After having a few drinks, 20USD drink as much as you want we came upon the subject of what I was doing in the US. So I grabbed my hyperlight poi and gave a little performance, people clapped when I was done saying i was "The man of the hour". Totally rocked!

Day two:

When I woke up i was faced with a decision, keep staying at the hostel another night or do something else. After hearing that another night was only 33USD more I made the decision quite quickly. After my first food in the form of breakfast since the plane from Sweden I was ready to start the day. Yes in all the chaos I had forgotten to eat. So stupid.

I took a long walk early in the morning to lincoln park and also visited the Zoo. Here's a few visuals of what I experienced, note that I was there before a lot of children arrived and stayed unti maybe an hour or more after. Annoying little bastards, the zoo was so tranquil before they arrived and the animals seemed more at peace.

When I returned from the Zoo I met Ross again who invited me for drinks later at nine. Didn't really see a reason why not to join them. But first I had to get a belated breakfast.

For late lunch I had chicken wings and for early diner I ate a quarter pound burger. I was so incredibly stuffed that when we went to the first bar, a college bar with lots of pretty girls I could hardly finish my beer.

After having hung out there for a while not finding anywhere to sit down we went to a jazz club who had a live band playing music great music, really talented wish I remembered their names. At the club we met two girls that Russ knew from earlier. We called it a night me forgetting that the bartender had my credit card still.


When we got back to the hostel I realized that it was gone. Ross halped me get back to the bar and the other people joined us. On a whim on our way back we stopped at the college bar where the two girls we met earlier had ended up. We all started drinking a bit together and talked and had a good time.

After that me and Russ helped the girls find their way back to their place. I don't remember quite what we were talking about but I remember one thing he said that was just so hilarious quote "

Shut your mouth when your talk to me!"

When we returned I said my goodbyes then I started packing my things after exchanging some contact information. I had just began feeling attatched to the place when I had to abruptly leave, I almost shed a tear as I was leaving the hostel. Love the managers, loved the people in my room. Such an awesome adventure!

Now I'm stayin at the Vulcan in San Francisco. With the San Francisco being divided into intermissions (seeing as it is the hub for my travels). Look forward to the next chapter in my new adventure.

Experience

Many have tackled trying to explain how everything in the 

world is connected, how you can change events with you simply 

thinking about it. At first these thoughts might seem 

completely irradical. And even after you've spent time to 

research it, it might still strike you as too far fetched. 

I understand and level with you on this matter.  

But allow yours truly to try to explain the phenomenon in a different way. 

A way that I think you will find acceptable to much greater lengths. 

First let's get rid of a few misconceptions about the subject.

The mind is limited to constants outside of it's own reach.
We can't directly change physical properties at will. Therefore 

when you choose a lottery ticket, you can never really choose 

the outcome. 

With me so far? good.

Also it's rediculous to believe that everything exists because 

you will for it to exist. What is a world void of existential reason?

We believe that to change the world to our image we need to 

interact with it. This is basic Newtonian physics. 

There are practically millions of alterations, switches, and 

neurons firing off in your brain right now as your reading this.

My point is that your being is in a constant flux. It's always changing. 

That change is a result of your experience.

Instead of believing the utter nonsense of the world is being 

created by you at your will, let's assume that the world is 

actually the influence and summary of EVERYTHING you experience. 

Hence your experience becomes your reality.

And if you can accept the fact that you do this to everyone 

around you - suddenly it shouldn't be so hard for you to  

realize that it's all connected. 

I wondered for the longest time what separated me from the 

trees in the forest. What made my body into the prison it is when the 

entire cosmos is my potential?

What stops me from not being part of the tree in this cosmic 

body? We live of the same earth. We breath the same air, we 

bathe in sunlight. We are a part of a system. A system you 

know very well. 

But I assume you very rarely think of it as one of the things 

that connects you to everything.

In the end the only rational answer to what separated me from 

the tree is my counciousness.

But since we just came to the conclusion that my reality is a 

result of my experience I think you can connect the dots yourself.

People sometimes wonder how I'm so lucky, well the trick I 

think is because I have so much positive influence around me. 

You create such a wonderful world for me to live in that the 

occasionally bad luck becomes incredibly redundant. 

Hence you create my experience.  

Allwo me to connect the final dot in this intricate web for you. 

If you go out there and start today, creating a wonderful 

world for others akin yourself -  you will slowly create your own reality.

Signed, Mireneye

Best Monday, crashed!

WOW! Today has been fun and it's most likely not even over yet!
But with great ups come great downs and I'm right now recovering from that 'down'. But all in due time. Let's begin where it all began.

I woke up this morning, my dad and my mom were going out so I had to stay and guard the dog, "sure" I said "but I need to be home by 13:00. So be quick!"

My mother being the one who would come home first promised that she would.

In the end I had to leave the apartment unguarded and the dog lonely, I had planned to meet up with a person I will henceforth refer to as Mike. Mike is a student (former student) of the NTI gymnasium, widely interested in media and such. We just recently met so we have yet to actually hang out and talk so much.

The plan was to meet up and play some arcade dance games at my place on my arcade before getting ready for Swedish "Valborg". A party in which you make a huge fire and people gather around and have the time of their life.

After an extensive two hour or so session of dance gaming Mike wen't home and I started rummaging through my clothes looking for an outfit for the evening. I settled for a black with grey details cyber dog t-shirt with some nice alternative styled black shorts and my red black army camo vest and to top it of a classy 1945 styled hat with a bunch of pins applied to it.

I was ready for action!

But what action exactly? I didn't really have a plan, I rarely do.

So I started by going downtown, while on the buss it hit me that a friend of mine, short readheaded thingy I will refer to as Chii for her interest in Japan and Anime and her awesome nature, had invited me earlier to dine with friends before going to Campus.

I was dead certain I was too late but I was actually right on time. I met up with Chii and ventured to Ålidhem. Where we met up with another newfound friend. By tradition, let's call him Charlie, no puns, guys, seriously, it's getting old ;) All I really know about Charlie is that he's an anime freak, he paints muscular men and he's an "oldfag".

Charlie, me and Chii chatted at the doorstep for a minute or so before going to the store where we met up with the fourth and final diner guest. We can call him Rolfi, I don't think he minds!

Rolfi is like me, interested in how the human mind works, he's probably a few steps ahead of me but I enjoy his company, it's fun knowledge to know and share with somebody like-minded-ish.

 When we got back to Charlie's apartment and while waiting for diner to cook itself magically (well I did and it worked). We sat down to watch anime and weird videos on Youtube. The actual meal continued the awesome wickedness that the mood of the videos and discussions that spawned from the videos had already established.

The food was chicken wrapped in bacon with potato moon slices (whatever they are actually called) and garlic bread, omnomnom!!! I almost cried while eating, in between one liners and cultural references to comedy galore.

I have seriously not had that much fun in ages!

What did Charlie put in the chicken?
I'm left to wonder eternally, hahah.

In any case, after the meal we all went down to Campus to watch the fire show. Met so many faces I know and had the BEST time walking down there. Love you guys, in a totally non homoerotic, no gay, not even touching with my stick way!

I shit you not, the very apex of the evening was right around the corner! Two minutes away when work calls me in and tells me I need to be there ASAP. Which means I had to leave right then, right there.

Sucked so majorly that it kind of ruined my night for a while. I was really sad and let down because I was promised that I would have a few minutes off to watch the show at least.

Only kind of, now I'm plotting a pen and paper role-playing session with my cousin and some friends. Not sure if we'll be in time to get it all together for tonight. I'm a bit moody that I had to leave that genuinely happy mood that I've lacked for a long time.

But I can't be moody too long when I look back at the day and I see your smiles!

Thank you from the depths of my heart,
you know who you are!

Signed, Mireneye

Knowing & feeling

I can hardly shape coherent thoughts tonight. I'm both too tired to double check what I write and I have too many splintered fragments of ideas and thoughts loosely beaming back and fourth between the fatigued neurons of my brain.

Today was a good day.

Bought some shot glasses out of necessity and a small buddah at Myrorna (Second hand) for my desktop collection of figuries and then ventured home.

At home I dressed up in a silly hat and a silly smile and played Little big planet 1 with Mew (Not her real name but the reference of which I will henceforth call her by).

In the midst of the chaos two other friends dropped by, preparing for party, as time passed Mew eventually had other matters to attend to and I had to prepare for work.

I've been so full of natural energy that I can hardly contain it all.
Things are as they should be!

I find myself smiling, projecting my happiness around me.

Even while that is the case, tonight I feel kind of lonely. I had planned for an entire night of playing the GW2 Beta Event but their launch was kind of a failiure with pretty intense login problems. I did play a little bit but I'm tired of hammering the login button, hoping it will let me in, sooner or later.

I did play a little bit and the opening sequence was out of this world! Hands down the most atmospheric intro I've played in an MMO.

Never the less I'm too tired to try to access all that awesomeness beyond that point.

I wish I could simply lie down and softly embrace a certain someone. It's funny how in this digital world with hundreds of connections and people, smartphones, incredible media like music and movies, one can feel soo, soo - lonely.

Of course I know I'm not lonely. But I've learned that knowing and feeling can be wildly different. I think the best cure is to lay down and sleep and try to not think so much more and imagine that your holding that special somebody, letting her being fill that empty void.


Signed, Mireneye

Spirituality, the supernatural, belief and me

Why wonder over the supernatural when the natural is a wonder on it's own?
Why believe in forces outside of our reach when all I need is right here, right now?

Over the course of a few years I've been thinking, arguing, theorising and debated questions of religious or spiritual beliefs. But it was not before a discussion I had in the beginning of the winter 2011 that I finally started to shape the reason why even resonable logical people still cling to belief.

Before I go on I want to stress the fact that this is my observation and might be completely off the mark for anyone else our there but me alone. But I put it out here, open for you to read, deconstruct, criticize or wipe your arse with.

Without further delay, here's the rundown.

When I was a kid I always wanted to believe in supernatural things so I was always hunting for them, scouting graveyards, looking up rumors spread amongst friends and in general I was investigating supernatural phenomena. I was even part of a session of mass hysteria. One of the most awesomely frightening moments in my life. Extremely vivid fear that for a while really twisted reality.

I also dreamt about events that would become real later on, every other week or so. This propelled me down a path of sleep and dream research which I have more or less forgot since then.

I grew up with a christian mother and an atheist father. So I got my share of both worlds suffice to say I always kind of liked the good parts that religion wants to bring forward but I've always disliked misdirecting belief in yourself to belive in something superficial.

My irritation with "belief" comes from the notion that people believe that "God" will solve everything for them if they pray. As such I don't really have a problem with "God" himself but with the people turning to him for help when in many cases all they need to do is believe in themselves or actually spend their time doing something productive instead of praying.

That being said let's talk about my own contradictions and how I'm going to defend them. Yes I have a few "beliefs" myself that kind of go against these principles of mine, and yet not really. Ready? ok.

I believe that the earth is my mother. She is my second mother of two. My biologial mother gave birth to me but without the earth we might have been stardust still, hey maybe that wouldn't be so bad? who knows.

I don't believe in an afterlife but I believe giving a moment of your time for people you love. I actually even go to church to light a candle. Effectively, psychologically anchroing the behaviour so that I actually spend time doing this. I'm not christian, but I really, really like the tradition of lighting candles for loved ones who has passed away.

It gives you time to reflect upon memories that helped shaped who you are. As memories shape us everyday, keep reminding yourself about your past. It is the key to unify your very being.

The concept that overshadows these traits can be summarized by the word "safety". I feel safe believing that the earth is my mother. I feel safe in taking time to reflect on the past. This explains supernatural as being a trait of feeling unsafe or even as a lack of knowledge of what is actually going on.

After all lingustically that is what "supernatural" means. It's beyond natural. In that sense anything we don't understand can be categorized as "supernatural". Quite funny, if you think about it.

I don't mean to step on anyones toes but I would like to say that anything you have ever witnessed that you think clearly in your mind is the result of "God" or a "ghost" or anything similar, is actually us, not knowing what is actually going on. Kind of in the same way religious people cite that "God works in mysterious ways".

There's no way for me to disprove of either. But for me there's no purpose believing in the supernatural.
There was never really a way for me to shoot lightning from my hands as a kid, no matter how much I believed I could do it. But today I can, if I believe in my own ability, put some hard effort into it and actually start learning and developing a way. And perhaps through science, reach my goal.

That doesn't mean I'll stop dreaming or stop believing, I'm still that young boy on the inside. Just the means to reach an end has expanded.

Signed, Mireneye

Busy day #01

Got my passport at the police station, then quickly ran off to Vasaplan to catcha buss going towards Strömpilen to pick up the game "Dragons Age 2" from Gamestop.

A "Price" as you may call it from TVSpelsjam 2.

When I got back to town I sat down with a friend at café Station waiting for two other friends to get there so I could join one of them to go eat sushi later and meet up with a third friend.

MAN I seriously need to start coming up with names for people I can blog freely with.

Goshdangit it's hard to write coherently without names :P

Signed, Mireneye

Time theory

This is an early revision, I'm working on a more elaborate one. Wanted to get the idea out there.

A base to my theory:
*In a body of water, pick a drop and put it further upstream. The drop symbolizes you travelling backwards.
*Through an equation you can reverse engineer the universe from that drop. Which then is placed earlier in the stream.
*A body of water is always changing, more or less shapeless it becomes the shape we want it to be.
*The drop would merge with the "past" water, adding/summarising/overwriting it's data.

This avoids the paradox of meeting youself by merging. And it avoids several timelines, it is rather a shapeless timebody.

As such there is no such thing as future or past. Not in a classical sense.

25th Birthday

What a nice birthday present! Blogger changed look so now I have to relearn things, on my birthday.
Freakin' brilliant. It would all be so easy if the world simply conformed to me alone. Sigh.

Today I hit the 25s. Instead of lingering on the very much useless notion that I'm getting older, let's have a look at what I've got going in my life right now.

In May I'm going to travel in the US and it's vicinity and I have a few ideas I want to execute on my trip and a few alternatives to those ideas. One is to meet up with the very talented violinist Lindsey Stirling and film a video, another is to meet up with the electronic music artist extravaganza Kyle Ward and hang out and maybe plan for a little something, something.

When I come home there will be a plethora of games that I crave to play and I think it will be a great time to kickoff my let's play series. I'm really, quite intimidated by the idea because it's such deep waters to wade through. Around the same time, I figure the initial planning for TVSpelsjam 3 will start so I will be really busy juggling all that, poi practice and work.

In the meantime I'm writing my new fantasy setting called Dynasthir. It's shaping up to become my most elaborate world so far and I'm happy I got such talented people working with me.

Last but not least, I have a serious need for my own good to jot down a list of things that I need to buy for myself in the coming months (so that I know my priorities):
*Wacom tablet
*Buy/Setup working sound system in Casa.
*A single bed matress pad.
*New DDR3 Memory for mainframe
*New graphics card and memory sticks for ITG2 Upgrade

Have a great day!
Signed, Mireneye

Midnight tinkering

It has happened again! another one of those nights where I'm not sure what I should do, I feel like I should do lots of things but I don't really feel like doing them alone. I want to talk, interact and have fun with people, watch a movie or play a game.

Tomorrow work begins again, feels like such a long time since last time. Actually it's a kind of a relief, I enjoy having something I have to do. It doesn't quite matter what it is, just, as long as there is something.

I'll see you around the later hours.

Signed, Mireneye

Gaming frustration & me

I always thought I was a bad gamer.

Thinking about it, my parents have told me that when I was very young I had great patience. I could sit with one thing and just wait for however long it took. I was very focused, very into it. It is THE one trait that has followed me into adulthood and has been a real saviour in real life. Actually it has probably saved my life as a gamer as well.

But allow me to get back to my point.

There are so many games I'm bad at. I'm completely irretactical (yes I made that up) and like to rush action ala quake style or bullestorm. Simply fast pace, easy action.

And so for the longest time I believed easy was my difficulty of choice. And that RPGish games that carry a story I can ejoy was my fancy.

And then Demon's Souls came along.

When I began playing Demon's Souls I was beyond horrible. I died so many times but I kept going, for those who do not know this game, the enemies get tougher every time you die. It forced me into a situation I hadn't really faced before.

There was no easy mode.

But I had to have some kind of ground to stand on so I turned to the internet, reserarched the game, the moves and I started to slowly get the hang of it.

Whenever frustration grows a bit to big for me I still cling to the internet for help, or to friends who also played the game. But I try it a few times myself first.

At some point later on I picked up the PC game Leauge of Legends, and as I suspected I was rubbish. However using my newfound ability to analyse and to break down things and with extra dedication I was able to understand the game more and more. I'm far from professional in my gamig but it's looking brighter already.

For the sequel to Demon's Souls, Dark Souls, I invested many hours into pre-researching. And playing Demon's Souls again to recap my skillset. And when it came I was more then ready.

I can't say it was easy, but I had a much harder time beating the first game. Slowly things started to click into place.

It's not the story and it's not the type of game. What get's me boils down to a few simple things: Immersion, Challenge and Competition.

A few hours ago I finished Catherine's single player campaign on normal. Easy was even adviced for people new to the game but I didn't want anything else. Hard would be over the top for me but I might tackle it now that I have beaten the game and gotten used to very many of the mechanics.

For those who do not know, Catherine is a puzzle-platformer survival horror adventure game with a wicked romance story.

It's gameplay reminds me of what would be a hybrid between Q-bert and some block pusher game. Mixed in with some story that mostly takes place in the main characters apartment or at the bar
"The Stray sheep".

It's a strange game, no kidding!

And it can be hard as hell.

I don't think I ever had to retry a section of a level more then maye thirty times (I see that as a win BTW). It's fast and frantic and you will probably be really mad at some points but it keeps you on the edge and you can clearly see your progress all the time.

Block by block you learn how it all fits together and what techniques to use and when to use them. By the end you'll almost start thinking the puzzles in real life, very amusing.

I've picked up the habit (mostly because it's fun). To sometimes when two things connect, say the word "Edge". Like when I put down a glass of water on the table.

It's similar to my habit of telling people a storyline from a game when they ask me what I did today. Something like, "Oh nothing big, I just teamed up with some Ninja turtles and kicked some evil guy's ass back to his own dimension".

Bare with my humor, I find it funny when people don't get it. But the best part is when people do. In both cases you can discuss wherever the idea sprung from. "WHAT! you haven't seen Turtles?" or "Do you remember that episode? ... bla bla".

With that being saind I reccomend Catherine to any gamer who wants a fun challenge. The game can be pretty forgiving if you let it. On normal mode there are places you can basically herd extra lives.

I have very ambivalent feelings about this.

On one side it's great because you don't have to get so frustrated, on the other side if you'r like me you will be tempted to grab it just to avoid frustration. This takes away a lot of the inherent difficulty.

But with a game as chaotic as this I think makes up for it by far.

Catherine
8.5/10

Signed, Mireneye

One flame

Do you happen to be the kind of person who believes in chance? In luck. A person who can work and honestly crave for a goal every day until it has been archived? Are you chaotic, spontaneous, a free soul, happy and good-natured? And do you carry confidence strong enough to know of your own beuty?

These are all things I value in a person, especially in a partner. They hardly represent everything, that would ruin the element of surprise.

But at least these are things I'd like to value, what actually gets to me might be something quite different and unique.

Like the way a certain person smiles, or the way they speak. Maybe their cheekbones or a peculiar and unique way they see things. Not neccesarily classically "intelligent" but at least different is usually enough to catch my attention.

One could go as far as to assume that normal bores me. That assumption is however gravely false. Normal is good, normal is safe and easy. It's calm and constructive. Difference is chaotic, it's not at all as safe and the results are sometimes good and sometimes bad.

But I prefer change, chaos and differance before order, calm and certain results.

I learn more and more every day about juggling the concept of order to survive out there in the world. And it's a scary thing for me, it involves so many things I don't perticularily enjoy. Like stress, dependancy, regularity and control.

If you share my concerns write a comment and explain what's on your mind.
And if you fit the description, maybe we should hook up? ;) Hahah.

Signed, Mireneye

Trial of a forgotten life

Sometimes when I look back at my past I almost feel so distant I'm not sure it's my own.

Who's to say I was the one who travelled back and fourth to Japan, lost a prototype levistick from Salza, met Yuta at hikari matsuri 2007?

Who, except my memories? I have nobody to tell my story, perhaps except those I met.

But the nature of life is not so simple, you don't really ask people to explain their first impression unless you are actively discussing the subject like close friends. Well, not normally.

At the moment of writing I'm slightly intoxicated, so bare with my horrible English.

I've put some energy into turning my upcoming trip to the US to the greatest trip I've been to so far. And some awesome alternatives has unfold before me. But who am I to take part in this wonderful future? And like Marianne Williamson, I must recite. Who am I not to?

I tend to come to this point in life from time to time and I always face the same dilemma. It is not the darkness that scares me, actually that silent, dark corner looks incredibly comfy and safe.

That is compared to going out there, knowing nothing. Taking a step forward again, transending you very being and as such, becoming something greater.

An evolution of the soul.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" - Marianne Williamson

Now I do not believe in God. But this rings true in so many ways for me, that it is hard to explain how much it actually applies.

But I also have a principle in life that is based upon a quote of which It's true origin I don't know. The quote goes "If you want something in life, just reach out and grab it".

Ad that my friends is exactly how I do the things I do. I want to go abroad, BAM, somehow I fix it. I want to get an arcade dance machine BAM less then a year away. I want to become ferociously good at poi well... BAM ten years later :P

It's all in your mind.

Don't be scared to want something and to grab it. Don't care so much about the world around you, it will follow or not. What matters is your own dreams and goals.

I forgot my greatness at some point.

I'm on an adventure to rekindle that flame, if your on that path is all up to you.

And finally I want to thank everyone who joined my adventure this very night the 5th too the 6th of april, 2012. You are all awesome and shine so brightly.

Some of you are new stars on my sky, and you twinkle so beutifully.

'Night ^^

Signed, Mireneye

Unconventional answers to common philosophies

Modern philosophy is boring. Most of it has simply boiled down to mindless questions that people seem to more or less agree on.

By modern I mean what people usually discuss when they wanna feel all philosophical and wise. I will touch on most of these subjects later in this post and try to bring something new and challenging to the table.

The really "big" questions as they call them, honestly pretty dull stuff:
*The meaning of life?
*The size of cosmos?

*What is free will?
*Does "Nothing" exist? paradox

*Time travel paradox

As for the meaning of life, I could be boring and state the obvious that there is no meaning. Meaning is something we seek because many need to believe that there is a purpose for our being.

I could say that the meaning behind life is personal which would lead me to rephrase the question "What is the meaning of my life?".

Both common and totally uninteresting views that bring nothing new to a table that is now overflooded by these cliché ideas. And I already neglected to include religious beliefs because let's face it, religion and philosophy are two very different beasts. They do occasionally overlap, I won't argue against that. It just doesn't feel like the religious quasi logic could really bring anything substantial to the table. I mean you can't argue with logic as "God has a plan"Because you have to assume a belief that might not be your own.

Let's be creative. Let's be smart.

How do we enlighten this question and illuminate a new and fresh perspective?

If we assume it's not god, it's not a personal meaning but definitely a global one. We have ourselves a decent challenge.

Even the most basic form of life has a pattern, doesn't matter if it's random or predestined. Humans are complex beings and we have many patterns. Maslow's hierachy of needs shape some of the most basic reasoning behind the patterns we commonly produce. We seek to fulfill our self actualization, self esteem, belonging - love, safety, and physiological needs. Ask a poor broken man if he would want a better life. And there is your answer. This encompasses everyone. The meaning of life is to fill our meaning with life. How elegant.

Next subject, the size of cosmos? I don't fully understand the charm of discussing something as redundant as this. I think by now everyone knows that either it's finite or it's infinite. Or ever expanding? Can you make a reasonable example of something practical that I can actually view that is infinite? The closest thing I can think of is placing a mirror in front of another mirror. Supposing the placement is perfect the image will continue to iterate into the tiniest form able to reflect. Hence it's only as infinite as strings or particles are small. In similar fashion we can deduce that cosmos is probably only as big as some other to me unknown entity is.

That is one way to think about it. Another way is to let go of conventions as size and shape. Simply because most things we know have a shape does it need to imply that everything has a size and shape? What if cosmos is "shapeless"?

Think about it.

Meanwhile I'll move on to the next subject, I can't be bothered to dabble in these questions too long.

What is free will? Assuming the two popular ideas I've heard are somewhat of the norm I can completely see why. The first theorem is that there is no free will and everything is just more or less the solution to an almost infinitely complex equation. Hence free will is an "illusion" so strong that it more or less has become real.

The other is that god gave us free will. And you should know by now that I don't even want to go there. That idea is just so ridden with plot holes it's scary.

Scientists argue that free will in the form of chance do in fact exist but only at a subatomic particle level. I personally guess it's simply because we hardly fully understand the nature of such small things yet.

It's really difficult for me to think of a fresh perspective which makes this the most interesting of the questions so far. Let's see.

In fuzzy logic there are calculations that do not give exact answers. While a linear explosion would give us predictable results an explosion made with fuzzy logic would give us a "chance" result at the very most basic level. Assuming everything started with an explosion of course. This means that our path is not predestined because we are the result of a random seed. And as long as time is not recursive, free will most definitely exists.

Next subject.

Does "Nothing" exist paradox?

Note that I chose to capitalize "Nothing" as being an entity because I feel the biggest issue is that our language does not allow us to talk about "Nothing" without giving it properties hence rending it's meaning useless. Nothing simply is. You just have to accept if it's worth your effort to argue that if somebody said "Nothing is the absence of anything" that their linguistics are off. Silly. This is hardly philosophical at all, just an oversight in linguistics.

Finally my favorite.

The time travel paradox. THE one subject that has perhaps the most poignant cliché that everyone agrees to because it's the simple way to see it and it seems logical within it's own reasoning. But that is just the problem with time travel, our knowledge of how it works is sketchy at best.

But if we put that aside for a moment to explain this idea. The idea is that if you travel back to before you were born and kill your dad then you would die. This is one argument that is hard as hell to break without introducing parallel timelines/dimensions. And I simply do not believe in either.

Once I find a solution to this I'm going to use it in a unique sci fi story of mine. I have already flushed several ideas down the drain but there are some ideas that are starting to stick.

Last but not least, for the longest time I was baffled by conscience and why I am me and nobody else. And the fact that I will never be again. It was more or less solved by "my grandfather's axe". And understanding that the conscience is constantly changing still retaining aging memory shards that keep the character intact. I still sometimes feel there is more to this existential question but I've been able to put most of it to rest due to the above reasoning.

Keep dreaming, keep believing. If one dream doesn't work out it simply means you were not dreaming big enough.

Signed, Mireneye