Facebook artist page is up!

Tellihoo!

Enjoy my new facebook artist page at:
Artist page

I also refurbished the youtube page, videos will follow:
Youtube page

Signed, Mireneye

Dreaming big!

"Never stop believing, never stop dreaming. If one dream doens't work out, you weren't dreaming big enough!"

Simply me!

Desperate I tried not to loose
But my mind held me by a noose

My nomad soul, imprisoned tight
To this fiction - of emotional might

Behind closed eyelids I made it right
Waking up deciding to fight

Lika a drug I had to shrug
cast away this awful rug

I've returned to soar so high
The one and only Mireneye

Decision

Today I decided so much more then I planned on while waking up.

I'm awake and Mireneye is back. Nothing can hold me down.
This is the second time in months I have felt whole. Reunited with myself.

I'm ready to start.
Start something new.

Ready to spread the happyness around me!

If you let your dreams come true, then happyness will follow you! It's time to dream again, dream big, and I will see you soon!

Signed, the "real" Mireneye

Summoned tide needs 600 votes!

This is the time to show that great music has to be supported! And it is your mission to vote.

Vote Summoned tide!

http://crankitup.se/blogs/releasedunsigned/2011/12/05/webrostning-infor-finalen/

Signed, Mireneye

Love and lusts

As much as I like loving somebody and as much as I endulge and enjoy the process of sharing that special bond I'm simply not convinced It's something I want at this moment in life.

I've been at this crossroads before. It's a path that has been open to me before yet there is one possibility I've yet had the pleasure to traverse.

I've been a great lover and I know the good things I can do. There is however one part of my lineage I have not tapped into. A part I'm going to embrace for the forseeable future.

This is not me changing as it is an exploration of myself and the endless things that I can do. Not like a whole new chapter but as a paragraph in my story.

The journey is long and I'm as always humble for having such amazing friends who act as guiding light on my travel through the world and through myself.

Thank you. Fortune be with you my friends!

Signed, Mireneye

Day of the burdened mind

I know I should dedicate some time to typing up what fun transpired two days ago. It will have to wait a little bit longer because I'm not in the mood today.

A day such as this comes from time to time. A day when all I seem to think about are the memories shared between me and a very special someone. I miss those times, I'd be a fool to say otherwise but I'm also a fool for saying it. Things are going so smooth at the moment and I don't want these feelings to ruin it.

It began before I even opened my eyes with a dream of the past, revisiting old fond memories. Gradually throughout the day the feelings have progressivly beaten upon the wall I put up as defence and at the moment anything I do seem to take me back.

A good day I can look back at these memories, laugh and be content with it, but at days like these I'd rather not remember it at all.

Going to hit the sack real soon. Tomorrow is a new day, knowing myself, i'll kick back into a positive gear by then.

Today my head and body feels heavy, at times tears almost forming in my eyes. I have to find the strength to learn and grow even in conditions as dire as these.

Signed, Mireneye

A flame too far

Woke up at around ten something from my phone ringing with my lovely tune ^^ It was my old flame, like a ray of sunlight she woke me up and damned if she didn't give me half of her energy over the phone. I made haste to wash up and get dressed and then I hitched a ride down town to meet up with her.

We went to the store and bought some stuff. Reminding myself here and now that I have chocolate cream at her place. And then we proceeded to get to her place by buss.

Started a movie, she was too tired so she took off into her room to catch some shut-eye. I finished watching the movie and proceeded as instructed to wake her up. At her short waking she gave a new order, for the next fourty minutes she wanted more sleep. I recall just laying next to her listening to her breath, getting reminded of how much it soothes my mind. Such a small thing.

I also had time to think. I understand her much better now. I accept that she does not feel the same way any more. Something I coudn't bring myself to accept earlier. Stupid perhaps but I'm not particularily smart when it comes to these things. I also pondered the idea of relationships and I'm not sure It's what I want right now.

I wondered for a while if I could ask her the question of "why we couldn't fix things?" or "don't you think you could love me again". I did not however. silly questions. But I type them down here as I need to vent.

After a few, maybe twenty minutes of trying I was able to jolt some life into her.

Then she got dressed, a common friend of ours came by and they got ready for the gym. In short we split up. It all ended on a quite bad note. My curiosity and drive are sometimes a bit too strong for my own good. I poked around a bit to much asking this common friend what was wrong, he seemed down and I don't want him to be down and I have a tendancy to think that sharing helps. And that I can help.

Needless to say I poked to hard and in retrospect now owe him an apology. My old flame reminded me later that I should be more careful when people are down.

I met up with another friend waiting at the door, she was texting me earlier asking if she could borrow my microwave and cutlery and being the time optimist I'am I said "yes, of course you can". We got inside and she heated her food and I started the arcade dance machine I have standing next to the sofa, planning to play 'til my legs would give in. A very difficult task, concidering my recovery rate and stamina and willpower.

She accidenitally spilled her food on the floor, so I got the oven going and started making garlic bread for her whilist playing. She took good care of cleaning her mess ^^

After nearly two hours and an ending push of epic proportions I finally fell to the ground. Only to get up and play a final song and then I could finally get my well earned shower. And by that time she had left and two other friends had dropped by.

And here I sit now, clean, typing this very text. Thinking and philosophing about life. Talking to people on facebook.

Time to play some real games, not the geeky dance thingawamojang.

Signed, Mireneye

Dirty mind

Remember, remember the size of my member
The pounding of pussy so hot
I see for no reas'n
Why the pussy pounding pleas'n
Should ever - be - forgot

Awakened by the swaying flame

Today has been sloooooow, much like any day at work after a real party evening. The day so gently began with water being poured over my head, oh wait. That was yesterday, nevermind.

I'm writing this very much like that writing style I read about on wikipedia. I can't for my life remember the name but you are supposed to write your thoughts exactly as they come. No editing. Simply raw thoughts. A creative outlet.

What? umm... Have you ever wondered about stupidity? not only why people are stupid or do stupid things but also why people who are usually good and smart end up doing those kind of things anyhow? I have. No anlaysis, just think about it ok.

Crazy life I'm living. I have so many things I need to do atm, but it feels good since I have the time I need to tackle them. I should plan my chaos a bit for the coming months. It will be great.

My parents got a new dog. They call him "Stickan", I think he's name should be "Oliver". But hey, not my call. He just looks like an "Oliver" to me.

Had only a few moments of sporadic sleep. Yet I'm not very sleepy at the moment, gonna go down town in a few hours and meet up with some people and drink glögg. Gonna be sweet!

Btw doesn't it annoy you how people make funny voices talking to small kids and animals? I can understand if you are going to joke around with them but not all the time, for every reason you have to talk to them. It's just stupid imo. I make noises, weird ones but it's because It's funny seeing the reaction of the animal in question.

The title was just like the rest of this text pulled from my mind and bears no meaning. I remember writing a song text years ago that included that particular line.

Cheers!

Signed, Mireneye

Time flies

I was gonna write something quite extensive here. I'm now thinking that will have to wait. I've come to understand how much time can simply fly and how much can happen within a short timespan.

It's a wicked world. But nothing a looong shower can't fix.

Signed, Mireneye

Mother Earth

I've never been particularily spiritual or connected to supernatural things. I've always wanted these things to exist and been practically hunting for such things in my younger years.

But that is beside the point.

Just wanted to clear up these things. I'm much more of a free thinker, open yet sceptic.

However there is one thing that I always come back to. I find it soothing to believe and it's not that far from a truth anyhow that I have two mothers. One is my birthmother and the other one is mother nature.

It's funny that the entire world at the moment are acting like unresponible children, making our mother sad, revolting and living against her.

But everyone knows it's easier if you could get along with your mother. Some people could of course never do that because of various reasons.

But look beyond that! Earth needs us. And i'm going to be bold and speak the truth. It's not for us, it's not for future generations. It's for EVERYTHING. It encompasses all living things. Every pesky little bacteria to the largest organisms, we are killing the miracle that is life!

Are we all then, collectively speaking, killers?

Well yes and no.
There's very few of us who can say they are completely innocent. But they try changing a system that is so deeply rooted that people completely ignore the fact that; If we don't solve them then they will eventually reach the point of no return.

The people enforcing this system should have a coinscience as dark as depths of the sea. You don't rape your own mother (sorry for the strong language), but you just don't. It's wrong.

I'm not a saint myself but I can tell you one thing. I believe in humans, we can do something great. I can't, you can't. But we can!

As collectively as we have been killing mother, so can we also heal her soil.

Take care my friends.
Embrace mother kindly, she needs us.

Signed, Mireneye

Bad

I woke up this morning on a really bad mood, a slow mood. Today I don't feel like doing anything at all.. but I should.

There are words I have said that I should keep to, they mean a lot to a dear friend of mine. First things first, I'm working on getting in contact with any of the people who were also going to help this friend of mine today.

The problem is my borrowed phone is out of battery and it takes forever to charge. And I need it like.. naow!

So cold today.
Not my day.

Signed, Mireneye

A thing of beuty

Look at the stars how infinitely they have spread, see the clouds how flawlessly they wander.
Feel the rain as it pours over you and soaks your clothes. Fascinate over a candle lit room and the graceful dance of the flames.

Mesmerize over the lamp posts in the shroud of night and the fullmoon glowing eerily bright.
It's a thing of beuty to be alive, to live in this world this body of mine.

A thing of beuty I'd like to share so hold me tight and let us stare.
Endless things we have yet to see, a thing of beuty for you and me.

-Mireneye

World design

I've created a bunch of worlds and concepts. Explored elaborate schemes of societies functioning at least semi-realistically or at least within it's own contained meta physics.

These are some of the things I've created:

Kynskavion - The first revision of Kynskavion. The first hint of what would be my cosmos wherein most of my stories connect. The story revolved around a creature with a curse driving him ever more evil. The story was no matter how much I want to deny it inspired by World of warcraft and Lord of the rings. It was also slightly inspired by Morrowind. There were also loose connections to Drakar och demoner and dungeons and dragons. The world was pretty archtypical. Planet with connection to a plane of demons and chaos. Battling gods and character in the middle as a catalyst for the story events. Also carries slight connections to Cthulhu mythos in it's wicked designs.

Lua VII - Was inspired mostly by Enders game and Advent rising. It was also a dark story, inspired by grim animes. And I also found a unique style that I still use today but more cleverly. The initial idea was to explain emotional or strong scenes in higher detail like it matters more to the characters. While everyday actions are almost purpusefully a bit mundane. The reader would live for the moments where the story shifted into a higher gear. Lua ended up as being a part of the ever expanding Kynskavion (Henceforth referred to as the revised editions Kinscavion) cosmos. This is also the first time I sat down to read up on elements I used in the story to make sure I used proper terms and cared enough to explain things properly as it would work in real life.

Iviaros - Simply an earth inspired planet. When I first developed Kynskavion it was bound to our real world, with earth. This was not looked kindly upon because as an author at the time I was not knowledgable enough to use reality as a base. I have since them learned the fine art of pre-study. And now I try to look up even the silliest forms of machinaé i use in my stories. Iviaros was my take on earth. Very similar yet very different.

Hexagonica - Hexagonica was a trip. I had played Planescape: Torment and I was hooked by the entire brilliance of the forgotten realms and their planar cosmos. However as much as it inspired me it was not the main inspiration. I remember sitting down to type a story containing some of the big poi artists in the world. I came as far to typing out a few names and some lines and before I knew it Hexagonica came into being. Between sleep deprived mornings and a certain loneliness I wrote what would become the origin story for Kinscavion. Hexagonica is also a contained cosmos in the way that I can always twist it to my hearts content. Anything can fit into it. HOWEVER not exactly. As I add more to it it everything starts to have a ripple like effect. Adding or changing one plane has a lot of effect on another. But for the longest time I just kept adding and it has become this extremely complex structure which only very open minded people can read and appriciate. Another inspiration was The longest journey and dreamfall. They basically blew my mind with their story and their presentation and they propelled me into some kind of philosophy mode in which I think I went nuts for a while. To have written Hexagonica, one must have been.

Kinscavion - Modern revision. Using Iviaros as base and much more mature and interesting. Most of the original story was revised.

Dialcs Omoun - Growing up I realized that my writing lacked something. I had always explored wicked and fantastical things and always went way out of my way to create something unique. Of course I also wanted to do that with Dialcs Omoun. However not in the same way. I don't know what inspired this story. I wanted to write alternative history. I wanted to write sci fi. But the most important thing. It had to be realistic. Futuretimeline.net here I come ^^ But not only in that sense. I wanted people to be able to relate to the characters. I wanted the characters to have substance, to have a life. I wanted emotions that I had missed out on before. I could always make scenarios and present them. And portray locations in an acceptable manner. However my characters always sucked big time. But this time is different. I'm still writing Dialcs Omoun, slowly. It's one of my biggest challanges yet. Instead of inspiration I have made homages to some of the things that have inspired me in the past. And I hope I can get back into writing. It's very likely that because of the existance of hoverbikes in Dialcs Omoun that in some shape shape and form it is a reimagined version of one of my oldest stories that I remember. Very silly and immature but I was eight when I wrote it. It was called "UneXplained" I got the big "X" thingy from Archive X and I was probably slightly inspired by lots of old sci fi. It had war written all over it. Some old video games like earlier Final fantasy probably inspired the story or fighting slightly. Ooh and also old tv cartoons like Turtles and of course Swat Kats. Another loose piece of inspiration for "UneXplained" is the SNES game U.N Squadron. It's funny but the existance of the hoverbike is the biggest similarity. And maybe an element of war. But I definietly feel how the stories are somehow related. Maybe it's my way of finishing something I started 16 years ago haha.

Next up are the world I've created as a game master not as a writer per say.

Cytralia - I like to call it the prehistoric Catonia. It's my first rough world that I created for roleplaying purposes. There was no real substance, only that I wrote some stores that were loosely based in a world wherein you have this super human race. The Cytralians. And that is basically all. It did contain a version of Suparby(Drunkvillage) which reocurrs in Catonia.

Katonien(Catonia) - A dark fantasy world on the brink of destruction from multiple sources. The first campaign taking place in Catonia took the players through a journey thwarting a power hungry politican to be demi god only to face the demon who had twisted the politicans mind, manipulating him behind the scenes. Catonia has a twin world called Akkadia. While Catonia represented chaos. Akkadia represented logic. Again I was slightly inspired by The longest journey, even in the naming of Akkadia and also with it's concept of balancing logic and chaos.
Many of my smaller campaigns happened in isolated parts of Catonia. And through playing it so often without any properly written documents I know it fairly well, having rebooted the planet five times for new players. An example of the fauna are the Fandarin, the Kidipp and the Piloo. I will not go into detail about their specifics but lets just say they are a jolly bunch of entertaining and interesting creatures.

Ae'di Draem - A planar world where the four elements and mother nature clashed and mother nature created the "tamers". A race that would tame the elements so that the world could be created. When boasting about Ae'di Draem I bask in the glory of writing the language the inhabitants speak and I talk about the brilliance of having a race of hive mind aliens who develop indvidually and become less and less hive minded only for one of them to become intelligent enough to use the old system to govern the entire race.

Unnamed interior dungeon world - Heavily inspired by the dark fantasy style of Demons souls and dark souls in it's style and excecution. Instead of planes and planets it all seemed like one gigantic dungeon with lots of open spaces. The ceiling would leek dark miasma from which demons would appear. Digging into the unknown without proper equipment was dangerous. The limit to how much the world could expand was unknown. Highly lethal world with underground organisations trying to save what is left of a corrupted and twisted society while having their own agenda. But akin demons souls the story is minimalistic and the main point is survival.

Dynasthir - A more structured world which contains the above mentioned unnamed dungeon world. I'm currently writing Dynasthir and just now made the connection. This could very well become a new cosmos for many stories to come.

Unnamed living organism planet - A world inspired by Final fantasy and The golden compass with my own unique twist. At the center of the planet there's a heart that keeps the planet alive. Through technology and magic the inhbitants have kept the planet alive for hundreds of years. The surface has become home to extremely dangerous creatures, insects, you name it. Most people fear ever nearing the surface and keep to themselves down underground. The planet get the heat from two distant suns. There is also a moon in orbit. The nature of the moon is however shrouded in mystery. Crystals power everything, there are red and blue crystals. The red ones are organic and more or less a "piece of mind" of the organism. The blue ones represents the planets reserved energy resources.

Unnamed sky island world - Created alongside my old flame. She helped me flesh out some of the lore and this has since then become one of my favorite crations. There are four islands floating far above the clouds. From the n, e , s, w extreme sides long morbid arms reach towards the sky holding onto a crystal. The crystal contains a powerful entity demon or something similar, these enteties are trapped and used as a means to hold the islands afloat. The continents are divided into extreme time zones. The top one is almost always dark, almost always rain. The ones in the middle has a normal climate while the bottom continent has a warm, temperate climate and almost always sun. Also nobody ever dares go beneath the clouds because nobody has ever returned.
SPOILER ALERT IF YOU PLAN TO PLAY DON'T READ:
The truth behind the islands is that long ago a powerful mage lifted the islands from the planet on an order by a great council. The islands would henceforth be used as a large prison. For hundreds of years they sent their prisoners there. One day they stopped and the sky islands were forgotten. However the prisoners of sky island lived on for generations and a whole new society sprung from the outlaws.

THIS YOU CAN READ:
I have probably forgot some. But I will update as I recall them.

Signed, Mireneye

Calm my mind, please?

Had two terrible days.

First I oversleep my wednesday so that I totally missed out on cleaning Casa, I did however enoy lunch with my dad and the meetings that day went fine, mostly.

Except one detail that has really come to color my mind a tint of black.

I can't seem to get it out of my head and amongst the angst of missing somebody there is the anger, the anger that she left me so easily. Moved on so easily. Never gave it a proper chance... All so easily it seems.

I met my old flame to tie some loose ends, material things. We talked, got into tiny arguments over small things, stuff that were so easy to simply laugh and have fun with is now as easily blown out of porportions in a bad way.

When we walked away from the store she ran over happily as ever to hug a common friend amongst us. Mentally the picture hit me like a sledgehammer, mercilessily reminding me of a time where she would jump into my arms quite like that. Instantly everything came back but I responded not with regret, not with tears. I became angry, I wanted to just... I don't know. I kept my fury to myself until I got home later that day. And since then I've just been in a bad mood and luck is no longer on my side it seems.

Alone in the night, nobody caring. Not a soul. Moody as hell. Knowing that the entire world has been through similar things help very little, this is my life and I'm not fucking feeling that well atm.

Just simply angry and lonely. I wish somebody could calm my mind. I know one person who might, but I fear talking to her. She should not carry this weight.

But I also fear I'm to weak to carry it by myself.

Calm me.

Signed, Mireneye

Busy day at console gamers jam!

Kick started the day at 11am. Woke up still dressed from yesterdays fun, must have been to worn out to care.

Within the minute the phone rang and it was the main organiser of the console gamers jam. It was now prime time to move the arcade dance machine.

I quickly lended my hand with moving the darn piece of equipment and then proceeded to pack my things in timely fashion.

I travelled by bus down to the northern university hospital to meet up with buss number eight around 12:30. The one that would take me to my final destination. Ålidhem, klossen. Console gamers jam!

When I arrived I helped unpack the dance machine and then I setup my stuff. At the time there was soo few tvs and consoles and people around that we could all snugly fit in one sofa, perfectly suited for Mario kart.

Within two to three hours it ha erupted into full blown console-lan with players from all over Umeå and the vicinity.

I made sure to document some of the important stuff on camera but I also tried to capture some fun moments; The ones that occur on random, tough stuff!

There has been a bunch of tournaments and the winners are as following(will update once I get the info).
Super mario kart
Mario kart 64 Linus
Super mario bros 1st and 2nd level time attack Oscar

Kind of sad that the right pad of the dance machine got a weird problem with one of it's panels. The right panel won't respond so something definietly went haywire when it was moved. It did however not stop people from having fun with the functioning pad and machine. Which reminds me that for a moment I thought the sound was broken but then I realized I did a stress test earlier at home without sound so my neighboors wouldn't hear.. I had simply turned down the volume and bass to zero. Hahaha.

Things I still have to do:
Arrange Dark souls tournament
Arrange Perfect Dark tournament
Arrange Diddy kong racing (tournament or not)

Fun, fun fun for the next time I open my eyes!

I have more to tell from this stressfull and eventfull day but I will have to type that down for you at a later date. Some quick notes for myself: Blue ninja, final level, almost star(enrique), Mario bros lvl1 38.18, nes game 2010, piri piri, me responsible at 6. Now i'm going to lay back and take it cool. Everybody is sleeping except me. The time is 08:21 and I'm probably going to watch a movie or something.

Signed, Mireneye

The day that was

(Wish all my fellow models would see this video, I'd like to do something this crazy someday ^^)

Had an amazingly eventfull day from the very moment I almost refused to wake up because I slept so well.

After waking up full, I made sure I was in perfect shape for the afternoon adventure that is the Umeå Fashinon Hub catwalk. I had two sets of clothes to show off and a tight frame to make the change of clothes.

Made sure my nails were as good as I could get them with a rough scissor I found lying around the apartment, cleaned up. Realized I slept to little when I looked myself closely in the mirror, with slight darkness beneath the eyes.. Hopefully the MUA (Make up artist) would be able to cover it up, I hoped. And she did an amazing job! Thank you so much Sara from The studio.

Packed my stuff and then I travelled downtown by buss.

When I arrived at Vasaplan I randomly ran into two girlfriends of mine (you know what I mean). They seemed too hungry to make a descision of where to eat so I made that descision for them and the three of us went to Sushi bar and had a nice conversation, plenty fun thank you my friends ^^

After that we split up and I went to the Fashion hub to get my makeup done, get dressed and take my first baby steps on that catwalk. Mighty fun! I saw some familliar faces out there. And I'm happy they came.

After the first walk I redressed as quick as I could, It was however not quick enough for the line had already descended into a sort of controlled chaos. The backup plan had been initiated. Something we had accounted for. Now we simply had to get done as soon as possible.

We also recieved a misinterpreted command to walk slower. While in fact we were supposed to stay longer at the front. It's like the whispering game where the whisper eventually becomes something completely different.

In the end it worked out incredibly well! And I'm happy. I have yet to come to terms with myself in a way that I can let go of everything and just be natural. I need a lot of experiance but I want to do it again.

We wrapped up with a group photo.

But my day did not end there. I met another friend outside who I quickly joined for a small, nice chat. We had to go our separate ways pretty quickly. I had decided to go practice poi and circus at Hamnmagasinet at Lek som en gycklare which is every Thursdag at 18:00.

Had a pleasant spin, practiced my handstands, ate a lot of stuff from the surprisingly cheap cafeteria they have there and socialised.

At the end of the day I joined a friend and went to his place and watched him play Breath of fire III. Partially intresting game, parially whack. But I kind of like it, it's a mish-mash of many game systems I like.

Thank you so much Alexandra for the extra work and thank you all for such an awesome evening.

I wish thee pleasant dreams and goodnight.

Signed, Mireneye

Old flame

(Been wanting to use that title like crazy, finally I can).

I finally understand.

I know tonight the answer I've been soo busy looking for. The problem I've been fighting. My demon.

It's all very simple. Imagine you do something every day, it feels right and for all reason and purpose it is. Then suddenly over night the condition changes. Now what you were used to doing is wrong but to you it continues to feel so incredibly right that your own body clings to the very thing that is now counter-productive.

This is why I have repeated my mistakes. This is a huge revelation to me and now that I know I can make a difference. And tonight was the first night I could make use of this recent discovery.

I denied myself something that felt so natural to me and so obvious that I almost cried walking home. But then I ran and then I stopped and laughed at myself. I was happy for I was victorious. I had won.

Tonight I will sleep with a clean conscience knowing that I did the right thing.
And that my old flame sleeps safely.

Lost souls

Many of my friends are going through a tough time right now.
This is dedicated to them.

---

I have a friend who's lost, wandering within his own darkness. Someone with a beautiful mind. A person who knows where his heart is at. I will never understand his pain fully for it is too great. The burden he carries is so heavy and he carries it so well and I'm utterly impressed by his effort. He is an amazing fellow and I'm happy to be his friend. I know I can never substitute somebody he can share his heart with fully but I stand behind him trying to give him the push so that he may grow wings of his own.

I have a friend who's denied the sacurity and safety of a resonable man who can hold her firmly and take care of her. She is constantly beeing pushed away always having to wait. The unfairness that she endures because of this sorry excuse of a man she can't help beeing attracted too is unbarable. Yet she carries it, she is among the toughest girls I know and she is amazing. Simply amazing. In her frail body her mind is so strong that I suspect her personality will make her shell burst any moment. All you really need my friend is somebody waiting with you and I can be there for as long as you need me.

I have a friend who like me endures true love unanswered. Going through every day believing, tricking himself that one day something might change. You know what they say? The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. And boy, you are crazy aplenty. You are worthy of something great, you are worthy of happiness and I know that you will find it. I believe in you and that is all I have to say to you. Believe in yourself and that you are worthy. Worthy of caring, worthy of love. Let go of your confusion and live life, things will come your way.

I have a friend who recently lost her love. And she is now confused, lonely yet she seems to be so tranquil. She hides her true feelings and I understand why. Hell so would I. So many thing she keeps deep within herself constantly bashing the locks she has so conviniently constructed. The truth is my friend you endure to much and you try so hard to be strong. You are fucking super strong! But sometimes you have to allow yourself to be weak. I welcome you with open arms giving you a comforting hug and you may not be much for tears so let me cry for you. It's time to heal the scars and you know it. All you need to do is go forward. You are so talented, so wise yet choosing the correct way to go is always difficult. But I have faith in you my friend.

I have a friend who is hunted by her past, hunted by bad experiences. She seems cursed, yet she lives her life fully. She enjoys many things and when she is happy it's like the world smiles with her. When everybody else gives up she keeps fighting, especially for others. But she is chained to her own fears. She appears to have wings for it's her nature to be free and she has all the potential in the world yet she sees so little. If I could I would break those chains and I hope that by simply beeing around, the chains will start to erode and in her eyes they will break and then she can finally be free. She is so beautiful but still nothing compared to what she can be if she could take the step. She needs no fear for she has friends ready to help her and she is strong enough to do most of it on her own. She simply needs to allow herself the good things in life and then become whatever she wants. She has destiny in the palm of her hand.

---

I can only hope that I can shine as brightly on your skies as you have lit mine. I'm thinking of you and when I do I smile, for I have truly wonderful friends and I wish for you all an amazing and happy life.

Signed, Mireneye

Consequences

I'm so tired of being sorry. So I decided not to be.

Instead I have to live with my consequences. And know that if things do not change then there will be even more consequences. And I'm tired from battling them as they appear before me.

The answer should simply be to stop being so stupid. But it's not that easy. It's like asking a raindrop to return to the clouds; It's not what they do. Unless they get help from the sun. And like that drop of rain I also need my guiding light.

Signed, Mireneye

I'm awesome!

(Had to review my life and take a look at what I have archived so far. This is totally my own ego boost but to some this might be a fun read. Oh and do listen to the music in the video above. It's appropriate!)

I've spread happiness and I have cared for others, even at the expense of who I am. A mistake I tend to do again and again and sometimes it hurts but at least I know I did something good. Even the smallest appreciation is a telltale sign that I did a differance.

I have fought time. Chasing the clock around the world to make it in time for a fire show in San Francisco. I've slept inside of a wooden skating structure in Umeå in plus two to five degrees celcius.

I've travelled to places friends dream of visiting. I've been stuck in the US without knowing how to get home. I've lived an adventurous life.

An old teacher told me when I was young that I would never become anything in my life. But I have lived with every breath and I have become so much more then I could ever imagine.

I've learned to move like a dancer when in my school days I couldn't even walk like my own kind.

I finished school even if I have always hated it more then pretty much anything else. For me there is only one true teacher and that is experience through living.

In my later days I fell in love and was able to melt the ice from her frozen heart. I even got to see the true person behind all of her scars. Something she didn't think was possible and something I'm very happy and proud of.

And I've loved. Ooh have I loved so passionately so creatively; In darkness, in candle light. And many other ways.

By harnessing the potential of the human body I have become more understanding, wiser, wilder. More mature and talented.

I've stood alone on stage performing with my own skills. People cheering for me, clapping their hands. I can hardly understand what greatness I have reached. What talent I have.

My goodness how I have grown.
More open, more fearless and more decisive.
More structured and planning yet more chaotic.

There is always much to learn but I have happiness in my life and I have goals. I have the entire world as my adventuring ground and nothing can stop me from doing what I want.

But no matter how awesome I am or how much the universe aligns with my luck; I can only move forward living with the consequences of my past actions. There is no going back, no regrets. No previous save points.

In the end I'm only one person looking for somebody to share my adventures with.
One fucking awesome person!

Signed, Mireneye

Justified punishment

Sometimes life just doesn't add up. You think your making progress? you think that your doing good but in fact the very moment you make a step in the wrong direction; Your back to square minus ten.

I don't believe I did anything wrong. I'm however not innocent. What then can I be accused for? You can accuse me of having feelings, of being human. You can accuse me of being me. But it makes no differance.

This is just who I am and that is not going to change.
What will change is my understanding of how you work and my respect for what it means.

Listening to my feelings really mess things up these days and it's not that I lost reason. It's simply because I stopped listening to it for a moment.

This is my crime.

A moment of weakness in what is otherwise becoming a robust wall.
Do you punish weakness?

Sounds wise, yet bullshit.

Earth

Wishes are for people void of reason
Hard work for the ones in possesion of monumental hearts
Together they perfect the puzzle that is mother earth

This kind of crap is stuff I can come up with all day. But I'm intrested. Could you find a meaning behind these words? Because I sure as hell don't understand the point that the words are trying to convey. Either it's really smart or stupid.

I call bullshit.

What is your call?

Maybe if you happen to be smoking something it would make sense?

Signed, Mireneye

Sick again?

This time shit is for real!

Woke up this morning at around nine with a severely sore throat and zero energy. Slept some more, drank some water and now i'm feeling "ok".

My head hurts slightly, my nose is running a fair bit. So what do I do to entertain myself?
Take some pictures.

Here is one of them:


Signed, Mireneye

Return to slumber

I'm sorry.

Sorry that I lost my way. The way of the man I used to be. However I'm thankful that I've been on this wonderful journey.

It was a journey that went stright into my heart but also a journey that ripped it apart ferociously almost mercilessly. For a while I had everything I ever wanted but it only took a slight misstep to put it all in a dark downwards spiral that consumed me almost fully.

I'm lucky that I got out.

Actually luck probably played a very small role. I'd like to think that I had some moments where I was actually acting pretty strong and calm but not many. The absolutely most extraordinary feat was how well my better half played her role. And I will always be thankful for her wisdom.

She entered my life and swept the carpet away from under my feet and I fell. I fell so hard I could hardly control my initial feelings. So eager to learn everything about her and too enchanted by her smile and her being, those wonderful lips. So enchanted that I, even too this day hardly remember a fraction of everything she told me.

And I hoped yet could never believe that she would fall under my spell like she had unknowingly enchanted me with hers.

But she did.
(With some initial scepticism I might add)

And as such began the best spring and summer of my life.

We lived together under her roof, we supported each other. I took care of her in every way I could imagine. She loved me with her ever-so-clever attention to things I say and things I like or want. And my love grew stronger and It's silly but love is a drug. It's indeed so sweet that some people just can't handle it.

And that is also where things started to go wrong. When I meant well but I couldn't see my faults because I was blinded by my own feelings.

It has taken me months to understand. And it's partially because of her that I did. She's my sensei in many things and I can only hope I can be in her prescence to learn from her. In her shadow I have grown more mature and more wise.

The knowledge I gained did not come at a cheap price. It also taught me how cruel and dark the world can be sometimes. It woke me up.

It woke me up to both horrible revelations and beautiful ones at the same time.

Which brings me back to the start of this post. The reason I write is because I feel I really lost a big part of my self in these months that I have become accustomed to emotional and physical loneliness.

The part I lost is the beauty of who I am. The person I was before and while I was in a relationship.

Its time I embraced both of my sides and become whole once again. Welcome the part of me who realized the true face of reality. The awakened. Welcome the loving, caring and understanding and well versed gentleman that I am.

Tonight I feel whole.

I listened to the song linked above to remind me again and again a thousand times to let her have her time and not too contact her. Too me it symbolizes letting my feelings rest and letting my mind rest from having thoughts of her.

And like I agreed with her I return now, to slumber, awaiting Thursday.

Signed, Mireneye

The spirit on the inside

This is a recap of a wonderful weekend.

Switching around my work schedule enabled me to go to the event I had planned weeks ago, the clubnight Tompe le monde.

After leaving work and coming home i switched into topgear and started hyping with music, taking a shower anddressing up for the night and making sure everything was perfect. Then I made my way swiftly to the pre-party at a friends house on the other side of town. We had some fun with drinking games and laughed. I used my mental intuition to get an edge in the game however the other smart players were great competition and I think in the end it was a pretty even game.

When we arrived outside of Tromp le monde, the two of us me and one of the guys who were at the pre-party climbed over the fence. Because it looked like a fun thing to do then we proceeded to the area where they let people inside.

Beeing on the list (thanks to Skäggulken himself) me and my friend were let inside no problemo. The most curious thing was that my friend was just accepted without further ado. Really neat.

Inside I went into party mode! Talked to lots of girls, haf lots of fun. One girl recognized me from Subway where i had commented on the sandwhich she was getting for herself. Sweet girl, wonder if I will meet her again someplace, sometime. Umeå is big, but it aint that big.

I went outside to say goodbye to some friends and then I was not allowed inside again. WTF? 25-30 minutes left and I can't come inside? I didn't appear that drunnk to them I'm certain of that. More people were also getting rejected. However when one of the guards moved away to do something else I snuck in anyhow ^^ I'm so evil sometimes.

When the night was wrapping up I was dancing around before the dj booth and hung out a bit with a girl who is also like me a fire/light/contemporary circus artist. Crazy ^^ I could really feel in my body afterwards that I party hard.

The night ends with me feeling pretty damn whoozy walking without a real idea if I'm walking in the right direction. But hey? I'm always able to find my way home. After a while my head clears up enough and I contact some friends. One of my drivers has already made her way home and I'm kind of down to the only option for me. Which is walking.

Another friend was able to pursuade me into taking a taxi to her place so we could both get some food. At this point I realized that I hadn't eaten today because I had been so focused on planning for the night that I forgot. So food sounded like an excellent idea.

Had a real pleasant talk, ate really good food. Got hit in the head with a frying pan. The usual stuff.

After that there aint much more to tell. I spent the night there, sleeping for an hour before I had to wake up and go to work. Haha. A plan of my own awesome design.

After a day of work I could finally come home realizing.. damn. Now that I'm free from work, I'm getting sick. Coughing and feeling really sore in my body.

And that's what I've been feeling all day. Only now letting up a little bit.

Signed, Mireneye

Enduring

It is not only the share brilliance of the story in Planescape: torment that enthralls me. It's also the true and awesome things that the characters say.

Tonight it fits so well.

"Endure. In enduring, grow strong" - Dak'kon

Not like this dude who you may know from some fairly unknown video game:


Another funny quote from Planescape:
"
Nordom: Attention; Morte. I have a question. Do you have a destiny? A purpose?
Morte: Is Annah still wearing clothes?
Nordom: Affirmatory.
Morte: Then the answer is yes.
"

Speaking of which... What do you endure?

Signed, Mireneye

The calling

In each and everyone of us there is a calling.

Some people are charcoal waiting to ignite with passion, some people are already in flames.

Tonight I feel refreshed. Refreshed yet tired. I have a bunch of ideas in my head and I have to start somewhere. So please remind me to write a list tomorrow. It's late here and I have a slight headache from tension in my neck so don't want to go too deeply into this.

But at least "The calling" is happening soonish. Travelling is something else I'm gonna try to focus on (because I need it like oxygen).

Some loose words just so that I won't forget... Hyperlights, photoshoot, cleaning Casa de la Mireneye, check of some things on my list at home, breathe...

(inhales... exhales)


Signed, Mireneye

Hyped!!!

Tonight i'm on fire.

Wanna do stuff so that's what I'm doing. Planning the next epic partalicious party at my place. "The calling".

Been thinking outside of my routines, breaking out into unknown territory. It's time I stepped out again, time to experiance new things and partially that is what I've been trying to do all this time.

The difference is the sense of attatchement.

I felt I had moved on yet I was still mentally, emotionally attatched. However that bond has now become a void. Attatchments like that hold me down and I'm to much of a free soul to be held down by my own emotions. They need to run free, be on fire and sometimes burn me. It's their nature.

I'd like to go out and meet some new faces, connect with new people.

I'd also would like to fall in love; But somebody told me not to look for it and it would come my way so I'll be trying that one out ;)

At a time all I could focus on was to do new things to fill my days with meaning. But nowadays I would almost like to lie down and rest or simply be, this is a good thing. I'm becoming more balanced, more stable.

Finding my balance on this huge spherical ball of madness.

And I leave you with human stupidity:


Signed, Mireneye

The evening muse

I wish I had someone to hold at night
To wake up besides in the morning

To catch the scent of their newly showered hair
To play with

Someone to love and be loved by

Choices

What do what to do? panic.

MMA/Muai Thai?
Party?
Star wars marathon?
other movie marathon?

What will you do today? Inspire me.

Rain

It's raining outside.

Sometimes I wish the rain could wash away my feelings

like it washes the earth.

Growing wings

You are all so beautiful, so talented
To live by your side, to be your friend
Is like a dream in itself


And I can only hope I can shine
Shine as brightly on your skies
As thy have lit mine


Thank you all for years of inspiration
For housing my broken self


And for accepting me


I've tried so hard to be accepted
Yet with you it becomes so simple


You are the wind under my wings
And when you can't carry me any more


It's because of you
I learn how to fly

Uuugh

Feeling a bit sick. No energy. Have things I have to do yet I would prefer lying in the sofa, sleeping all day.

Life

There is a clear differance between acting alive and being alive.
I tried acting alive for a month or two. I even lived from time to time.

Sometimes I was a wreak of self-pity. At other times thankful that everything panned out the way it has and finally I had the times where anger was my only real friend and a fist to the wall was everything that could dull what lingered inside.

But that is about as dark as this story gets.

By myself but not alone I have grown stronger, somewhat wiser.

But it was not until two or three weeks ago that this knowledge and strength actually started to show itself.

There are a lot of small events that kicked me into this gear and I attribute every one of them to friends of mine. Even if you did not know exactly what you did it might have been as simple as sitting outside chilling and chatting about everyday topics. A simple example of one of the gears that turned me around.

I had a really nice day today. Taking care of my tattoo, hanging out with a friend at her apartment, watching the recording of "Haffus how to" commercial! and playing donkey kong for SNES and topping off the evening with going to another friends level-up (birthday for the non-nerd among us).

All in all I could not ask for a much better day other then feeling a bit feverish and with a hint of soar throat.

Work tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

Todays lol:


Hugs

Signed, Mireneye

As promised ^^

I really have nothing more to say, other then:
Will you have a tattoo as well?
What will it be and why?
Or why are you not getting one?

Signed, Mireneye

It is done!

I tried to compare pain(s) today.

Needless (no pun intended). It wasn't all that easy. Sometimes when my good friend Linus gives me a massage it friggin hurts!

But in a totally different way.

The closest pain I could relate to, having this tattoo is bleaching my hair almost white in one sitting:

I hear people with black hair tend to wanna do more then one sitting? No silver shampoo used either. Btw this was years ago.

But if I had to endure one of the pains once again I think I would choose getting another tattoo. Funny aint it?

Very happy with the result. Will upload pictures later when it's healed ^^

Shortly after I grabbed a burger at Max with some friends. Thank you for the great company, you know who you are! And then I proceeded to meet up with some other friends to hang out, chill, yada yada.

Now I'm at work, typing these very sentances. Fascinating.

Take care and 'night!

Signed, Mireneye

Chaos and logic

The day has finally come ^^ Very exciting!

Wonderful world

Don't have the strength today to write more then a few sentances. Feeling maybe a bit sick. Not horribly, it just saps my strength. (Or maybe it was the arcade dance games that did that).

I leave you with this extrordinary picture:



Good night ^^
Signed, Mireneye

Top o' the mornin' lads and ladies!

Today began with a bunch of choices. Get up was the most obvious one I really didn't want :P

The other choices that were presented to me were the following:
Visit a local cafe and chill out with some friends.
Visit a friends place and play some epic geeky games.

OR

Play ITG at home and get a real workout. (This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXWl-kxPYRU for people who doesn't know)

Needless to say a hard choice. Being the geek I am, i choose to visit my friend and play some epic geeky games.

Good morning ^^



Signed, Mireneye

Universe love!

Had a CRAZY weekend!

Whoo. Where to begin? Kicked off on friday with some downtown madness after a REALLY slow morning. You know the ones where you kickstart yourself around 17:00? Well add another two hours and you'll qualify.

Visited Pipes of scotland at around nineish I joined up with two girlfriends(this is exactly what it sounds like) of mine. And also a newfound boyfriend ;) haha.

Some dudes joined our table later and we cheered and had deep discussions ranging from the sickest of jokes to Sokrates. I left early to catch a buss ride home.

Woke up the next morning, luckily! Time for work. I might add I have the best work conditions on earth yet. But at this point in life I'm so frustrated by doing it all the time that I have come to hate it. No more, no less.

After work I got home to prepare for club Sockerbeat. And after you've read this you'll know why I think that causality and I are a couple.

Got home and joined the competition for free entrance for me and two friends. Won! Then I joined a friend going with a car to Willys where I got batteries for my Flowtoys (get them at www.flowtoys.com video: http://www.youtube.com/user/flowtoys#p/u/14/4HXIDiGQD5c) commercial haha!

On my way to the buss I stood on the wrong station (Silly me!). But becuase the universe simply likes me two friends came by in a car and asked me if I was going down town. Sweet!

And to add up the perfectness of the evening when I hanged my clothes I recieved the "number one" card.

This evening was spectacular in every way imaginable. Great luck, great company. Good music and an awesome vibe.

What did you do on your last friday?

Todays lol:

Internet +1 Nasa 0.

Signed, Mireneye

Ressurection of Miles

Tellihoo!!

Been away for the longest time but I'm back with new goals and new visions. Bigger and better then before.

BUT also much wiser, more planned. And a certain newfound humbleness.

This will now be my main blog; Not only dealing with my lengthier travels but also about me and my life and what's going on right now. The travels of my "self".

So without further delay I welcome you to this new beginning.
In the next post I will tell you what's happening in my life.

And for the followers out there, is there something you'd wish I should do? write, leave a comment. Booyeah!

Signed, Mireneye.